| Author | Message | ||
     Crusty |
It seems that there was a gathering of all the wisest in the world and a reporter was covering it. He noticed that everybody was deferring to one of the gathered group. When he inquired "why?" he was informed that this man was the wisest of the wise and had achieved Nirvana. "How?" the reporter asked. He was informed that the wisest one ate only asparagus. Just then, it started to rain quite heavily and everybody got thoroughly wet except for the wise one who simply sat there without a drop of rain landing on him. The reporter of course asked why and how this was happening. One of the other wise men replied, "Bliss is the awning of the sage of asparagus." Isn't this awful? | ||
| Rasmonis |
I laughed once I got it. | ||
| Asym50 |
Outstanding, clever twist on nostalgia! LOL | ||
| Ducxl |
Ok,quick please.Some help for the simple minded? | ||
| Djkaplan |
This Is The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius... song from the musical 'Hair'. The fact that I got it disturbs me greatly... double-groan. | ||
| Gentleman_jon |
I share your pain, Danny!  | ||
| Road_thing |
...ooohhhhh..... | ||
| Greenlantern |
Yeah , thanks for reminding me I'm in the mist of a crisis (mid-life crisis that is)!!!  | ||
| Djkaplan |
I'll go straight to the punchline on this one... 'Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?' | ||
| Jimidan |
You kinda had to be there... jimidan | ||
| Rainman |
Reminds me of the horse breeder who had birds nesting in his prize thoroughbread's mane. He did everything he could think of to get them out, spent a couple grand on vets and patent medicine and finally contacted an wise old woman who lived in a shack down the road. She said, sprinkle some baker's yeast in the birds nests and they, and the birds, would be gone the next day. Well, the breeder did so and, in fact, the birds and nests were gone the next morning. So he went back to the wise old lady and asked her why something as simple as yeast could take care of the problem when all of the veterinary help his money could bought couldn't. "Simple," she said. "Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet." | ||
| Diablobrian |
ohhhhh  Please ....make ....it....stop  | ||
| Froggy |
Am i the only one that is still confused? I read the whole thread 3 times. | ||
| Court |
Froggy. . if you've lost at this point it ain't going to improve. Hang out on a Honda sportbike board for a day or two and come back on the weekend. . things should be back to normal.  | ||
| Rainman |
Consider yourself lucky, Froggy. Once your mind starts spinning in this direction, it's a long but quick ride down  I won't even bring up "Tarzan stripes forever" or "a Benny shaved is a Benny urned." | ||
| Etennuly |
It is all so PUNNY! I wish I were young enough to not get it!  | ||
| Pregrid |
How 'bout "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones" | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
That's one of those old songs, isn't it? | ||
| Tommy_black_shark |
That reminds me of the time I was traveling with my wife in the former Soviet Union. Our guide (Rudy) was insisting that the frozen precip coming from the sky was rain. I told him that back home we called it snow. We argued for quite a while. He got rather angry at my contradicting him. My wife, always the peacemaker intervened and calmed me down by letting me know "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear." | ||
| Crusty |
You can't teach an old gnu dog tricks. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Doshjsd is rain, Sneg is snow, they get plenty of snow, they know what that is. There is no way there it was a linguistics issue that he got them mixed up. It was more of a spoonerism at best. Like confusing Widow (dvor) with Wood (dver) Always makes for an interesting weekend for the lumberjack that spends all saturday cutting up the widow (a mistake I made it class  ) | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I had to go to the doctor because every time I passed wind it made a sound like a japanese motorcycle. He was rather puzzled for a while & consulted a number of medical textbooks before asking me to open my mouth. After looking in & poking around for a while he said, "Ah yes, as I suspected you have an abcess" I was stunned & asked how this could be related to my problem. he replied "Abcess makes the fart go Honda" | ||
| Sleez |
hahahahahahahahaaha!!!!!! "...fart go honda" hahahahahahahahahaaha!!!! | ||
| Terribletim |
This must be same as the time I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw a pair of wig-wams. After several sleepless nights I visited the doctor. He said "relax, you're just two tents". | ||
| Rainman |
Don't you people have jobs? Me neither | ||
| Elf |
OK. I got one... Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore: he came to be known as a (wait for it ...) "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis." | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I was loading wheat on a farm one day & the new vacuum operated loading system kept clogging up, I'd been there all morning & was still not even half loaded, so they called the engineer out to fix the system. He spent a while sorting it out & then told the farmer it was caused by damp. The farmer then asked what he could do about it. The engineer replied "If at first you don't suck seed, try drier grain" | ||
| Jasonk |
There was to be a great bo-weevil fight between the giant Goliath, and the new kid on the block Little Davy. Upon the day of the fight, I placed all my money on Davey. The ringmaster warned me that Goliath was favored heavily, almost ten to one. I said 'that's OK, Davey is my pick'. Once led into the ring, Goliath began to take Davey apart, piece by piece, soon leaving nothing but a soulless carcass, yet I continued to applaud until the official called the fight. As I was leaving, I was asked why I backed Davey so heartily, given the obvious outcome. My reply.... 'When given the opportunity, man should always choose the lesser of two weevils' | ||
| Jasonk |
There was to be a great bo-weevil fight between the giant Goliath, and the new kid on the block Little Davy. Upon the day of the fight, I placed all my money on Davey. The ringmaster warned me that Goliath was favored heavily, almost ten to one. I said 'that's OK, Davey is my pick'. Once led into the ring, Goliath began to take Davey apart, piece by piece, soon leaving nothing but a soulless carcass, yet I continued to applaud until the official called the fight. As I was leaving, I was asked why I backed Davey so heartily, given the obvious outcome. My reply.... 'When given the opportunity, man should always choose the lesser of two weevils' | ||
| Jackbequick |
The following are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun contest... 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Jack | ||
| Crw |
So, two cannibals are sitting around the fire eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?" | ||
| Djkaplan |
Thanks, I needed that. That's going in the vault, Crw. | ||
| Just_john |
Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Well, it is a bike forum! |
