| Author | Message | ||
     Kccyclone |
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~ Frank Sinatra WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "When we drink, we get drunk. ! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell WARNING: The consumption o f alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. | ||
| Dana P. |
Support your local BARTENDER Helping ugly people Get Laid!!}} | ||
| Dana P. |
Visit Your bartender: Go past the light, turn left & tip right!! | ||
| Dana P. |
Brought to you by the....  | ||
| Djkaplan |
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. ~Me | ||
| Rek |
In Vino Veritas In Cerevisia Felicitas (in wine there is truth; in beer there is happiness) Rob | ||
| Dagwood |
Drink what you want, drink what you're able. If you are drinking with me, you'll be under the table. | ||
| Road_thing |
"Winston, you're drunk!" --Bessie Braddock to Sir Winston Churchill "Bessie, you're ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober." ---Sir Winston Churchill Why can't I come up with a pearl like that when I'm drunk? rt | ||
| Buellbozo |
"BEER!IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!"..."HEY NORM!!WADDAYA SAY TO A COLD BEER??""HELLO SAILOR!!"  | ||
| 1313 |
Beer and pretzels...The breakfast of champions! My spin on it: Beer and cold pizza...The breakfast of champions! My favorite drinking quote of all time is. . . . . . GIMME ANOTHER ONE! or when in Germany - Ein Bier bitte! 1313 | ||
| Dbird29 |
HMMMMM | ||
| Metalstorm |
"Cervesa pour some more" Last night I was so drunk I left the bar at 2:00 with a 10 and I woke up at 10:00 with a 2! Last night I was so drunk I went home with Bo Derrik & woke up with Bo Diddley! | ||
| Oddbawl |
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Oscar Wilde | ||
| Cochise |
I'm not under the alcafluence of incahol although many tinkle may peep I am! I'm not as think as you drunk I am. | ||
| Dbird29 |
Beer. - Homer Simpson | ||
| 1313 |
Take me drunk, I'm home! 1313 | ||
| Wardan123 |
"Whisk-opalians" (Episcopalians - I'm one and can laugh at myself) "Where there are four, you'll find a fifth!" | ||
| Kdan |
On a fishing trip, how do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer? Invite another Baptist. | ||
| Cochise |
What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? The Catholic will say "hi" to you in a bar. | ||
| Tramp |
brilliant.cochise | ||
| Z_girl |
It's not a quote, but a good joke nonetheless: An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. Each orders a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land-- one, two, three-- in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another... the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting "Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!" And some Irish toasts: May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. May it always be the other guy who says, "this drink's on me." May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint! Enjoy! | ||
| Xbjelly9s |
ONE MORE AND I GOTTA GO! | ||
| Charlieboy6649 |
Spelling not correct for pronunciation... Bidu O Kudasai! Two-O Wa Doco des ka? Cervesa Por Favor! Donde esta el banyo? A beer please. Where's the bathroom? All I need to know in Japan and Mexico. Someone help me out for other countries...  | ||
| Sportyeric |
And another reputedly Irish toast: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He won't, may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limp. | ||
| Bomber |
My Drinking Team Has a Racing Problem | ||
| Brumbear |
three guys in a bar 1st guy says I got so messed up last night guys I blew chunks!! second guy says thats nothin I got so messed up I threw up and peed myself third guy says THATS NOTHIN I puked peed and pooped my pants 1st guy say I really don't think you guys understand CHUNKS IS MY DOG | ||
| Glitch |
Starkel starkel little twink Who the heck you are I think I'm not under the alfluence of inkelhol As some thinkel peep I am I fool so feelish I don't know who is me yet The drunker I sit here the longer I get | ||
| Spiderman |
not a drinking quote but a drinkin tale none the less.   These are the Liver Birds (Liver is prounounced like the iver in Driver) they are on the Liver Building in downtown Liverpool, England. The one looking to the left is looking out to see to make sure all the sailors and fisherman make it back safe, while the one looking to the right looks over the city to make sure the pubs are open. And believe me they were  | ||
| Tq_freak |
"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning" | ||
| Cyclonedon |
do you know the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding? one less drunk at the wake! | ||
| Brumbear |
after my return from my army hitch in Germany my mother said to me Davey did you get drunk alot over their I said no Ma only once and it was the best 2 years 11 month and 18 day drunk I ever had. Zwie bier ist besser |
