| Author | Message | ||
     Buellerthanyou |
Subject: Training for Upper Management: An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure Chief, coming right up", and gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns... He has his shotgun in one hand and is pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for Upper Management position: Come in, Drink Coffee, Shoot the Bull, Leave Mess for Others to clean up; disappear for rest of day."  HBJ | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
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| Mr_grumpy |
Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked. "No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend this on go-faster parts for a motorcycle instead of food?" Kirk asked. "Are you NUTS?!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't ridden in 20 years. "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim." The homeless man was astounded, "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?" I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, bikes and sex." | ||
| U4euh |
I can hear the wife grumbling something over my shoulder now, thanks Mr_Grumpy! | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
14 things a man can do at Walmart while his wife is taking her time: 01.. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when they aren't looking. 02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies toilet. 04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens. 05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit. 06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department. 08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible. 12. Hide in a clothing rack .. . . and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!" And last but not least: 14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!" | ||
| Taxman |
i think that type of stuff happens almost daily at my walmart. and i don't think its people joking around. some walmarts are pretty nice. others make me feel better about who i am. |
