| Author | Message | ||
     Kccyclone  |
For those of you who don't know JJ (Hanses25)he's a pretty shy guy. He shared something with me the other day and I thought I would pass it on because I know he's too shy. JJ had been having really bad headaches since his freshman year in high school, and went to the doctor about 2 weeks ago. The doctor said "JJ, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition that causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure is causing the headaches. The only way to get rid of the pain is to remove the testicles." JJ was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital it was the first time he didn't have a headache in over 10 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he felt like a whole new person and he could make a new start to his life. He was walking past Goldstein's men clothing store and thought "what I need is a new suit!" Hymie the elderly taylor eyed JJ and said a 44 regular right. JJ laughed "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years" Hymie said. JJ tried on the suit and it fit perfectly. As JJ admired himself in the mirror Hymie asked "How about a new shirt?" JJ thought for a minute and said "sure." Hymie eyed JJ and said "let's see 34 sleeve and 17 1/2 neck." JJ was surprised, "That's right how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years" Hymie said. JJ tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. As JJ adjusted the collar of his new shirt he asked Hymie about shoes. Hymie looked at JJ's feet and said "size 9" "How did you know?" JJ asked Hymie replied "been in the business 60 years." As JJ walked around in his new shoes Hymie asked "How about underwear?" JJ thought for a second and said "sure." Hymie eyed JJ and said "let's see ....size 42." JJ laughed "AH HA !!!! I got you....I've worn size 38 since high school." Hymie shook his head, "You can't wear a 38. A 38 underwear would press your testicles against your spine and cause awful headaches!" | ||
| Thansesxb9rs  |
That is tooooo Funny. | ||
| Hanses25  |
Damn you mean I didn't need the surgery. Shucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
| Shazam  |
I had that surgery....it's called Marriage didn't get rid of the headaches and I sure miss my balls. | ||
| Dasbuell  |
Hans... One of my favorite... "you have to know the rest of the story" TV commercials to realize how ironic it is... is the General Electric product commercials. You may remember the commercials... they had a little jingle at the end... and the words sung were... "G.E. we bring good things to life!" That always cracked me up!!!! Also... about the underground video of me at work. If you don't know... and you may. The gun fired in that video is a M134 Minigun. 7.62 nato aka .308 Winchester caliber, it fires at a low rate of 2,000 rounds a minute and a high rate of 4,000 rounds per minute, the expected barrel life is 200,000 rounds, mean time between failure is 500,000 rounds, expected life before rebuild 1,500,000 rounds, it has six barrels 22 inches long, it weighs 35 pounds, it feeds from a 1,500 or 4,000 round linked belt, it operates on 28 volts DC drawing 400 amps to spin up and only 40 amps to sustain fire, it is a modernized Gatling gun. When operated for movies using blanks, it is budgeted at $150.00 per second of fire. So what is the ironic part. It is a General Electric M134 Minigun. I have fired a lot of different machineguns over the past 30+ years... I am sad to say I never got to fire a G.E. Minigun. Yet! I love that little jingle at the end of the G.E. commercials, I always get the vision of a long burst from a minigun!! As the music fades!  (Message edited by dasbuell on February 10, 2005) | ||
| Shazam |
Dennis, previous employer?  | ||
| Dasbuell |
What's your point Sam??? changing the subject... We have our own "Court" now in KC... in the form of Sam. "Remind me to tell you... of the time I cleared out the sonar room in a LHA(aircraft carrier) with a 25mm cannon and some depleted uranium true story!" Spill beans bud!!!! | ||
| Dtx  |
Looks good DUFF! I am going to be out this weekend so I'll try to stop by as soon as I can. By the way JJ, Dustin and Larry...my cell phone number is 816-769-4074. You guys are going to have to show me how you polished those headers. That looks sweet. | ||
| Shazam |
Let me look tonight for some pictures to scan, might make the story a little more fun! | ||
| Hanses25 |
Drake Come on over! I have to say if your talking about Duffs shiny new headers, they are the old school force pipes, we installed them on Tuesday. Sweeeet huh, if Larry's ethnic practices weren't rubbing off on me I too would part with $200 for a set. For all who don't know Larry, he's a Rabbi. | ||
| Hanses25 |
Hey all if you didn't check the quick board lately? This is why I put mirrors back on my bike! http://www.farson.com/images/bikestop.gif | ||
| Dtx |
I HATE seeing sh*t like that. kinda makes you wonder... | ||
| Hanses25 |
I hate watching stuff like that also, but everyone should be aware of pricks like this, probably on the cell phone, or watching the pullover next to the intersection. I'm keeping my bike in gear from now on till some cars pull in behind me. | ||
| Dtx |
Good Idea | ||
| Reepicheep  |
I had a close call just like that on the cyclone. I was coming to a stop and it was obvious the car closing behind me did not see the red light that was lined up with the rising sun. I was also in the sunrise, so obviously motorcycles become nearly invisible also. I looked through the intersection, made eye contact with the oncoming car in the left turn lane who was ready to enter the intersection, and pulled forward and left into the dead area in the middle of the intersection. The car came screaching to a halt about half a bike length into the intersection beside me, the driver looking mortified. I was happy that I was able to manage the situation so easily. Stuff happens, I expect everyone to try and hit me anyway, so I don't take it personally when I am right. At least they looked guilty. With the light and myself hidden in the rising sun, it was a reasonably high probability something like that could happen. I was also happy that the driver did not target fixate and follow me left of center and rear end me anyway. They initially screwed up, but she recovered well, saw me breaking left, and steered her screaching SUV to the right, worrying about missing me before worrying about boinking any car that might have been in the right lane beside her (4 lane 35mph road). I smiled, waved, and continued through the intersection I was now blocking. What suprised me is the car that was positioned to make the left in front of me (that was alert enough to see the whole thing, making my escape that much easier) proceeded to honk like crazy, and flip off the driver as they went through the intersection. He took it far more personally then I did. | ||
| Dasbuell |
Hey... How’s this sound for a retirement job??? There has been an overwhelming interest in the police instructor positions in Iraq. The position of International Police Trainer is a subcontracting position that pays $12,750/month. All lodging, meals, and transportation as well as logistical, technical and administrative support is provided at no cost to the officer. It is important that you are aware these positions involve dangerous, harsh and extreme working conditions. Many aspects of this program change frequently and flexibility is essential. IPT’s will be responsible for providing training to Iraqi Police officers in both a basic academy environment as well as advanced training; the training will be provided in accordance with supplied lesson plans. Technical and logistical support is provided to help facilitate the training. Classrooms are conducted 6 hours per day, 6 days per week. A portion of the salary is eligible for income exclusion but there are rules which govern this and one should contact your tax attorney for specific answers. There are several ways an IPT can communicate with family & friends while in Iraq; telephonically, by e-mail, and/or snail mail. IPT’s are not without means with which to communicate with loved ones on an almost daily basis. IPT’s are able to receive and send letters & packages via military mail service: It takes about 2 weeks for mail/packages to get to Iraq from the U.S. Your APO address will depend on where you are assigned. Under the current 6 month contract, there is a $2,500 travel stipend toward your R&R. You are issued a 9mm and body armor, and an M4 rifle. What do ya think??? | ||
| Enp83  |
Wow, I've seen something similar to that before advertised on LE job boards. One of my best friends is a cop in the USAF, he'd be ALL OVER THAT in half a heartbeat if he could. | ||
| Hanses25 |
Can I come Dennis? | ||
| Thansesxb9rs |
Dennis, do you think an accountant would qualify for that position? | ||
| Racerboy  |
If anyone know how to get in touch with Tripper please call me at 314.821.0776...I have left several voice messages at what, I thought, was his voice mail box...But I'm probably screwing it up... Thanks, Bob | ||
| Dasbuell |
Do you think the Dunlaps will do well in sand??? Oooooh oooooh... idea for a club ride!!! I am semi-seriously considering the idea. I have made preliminary contact to enquire about the program. Sharon is luke warm about the idea and says she will support me if I do, she won’t like it... but will support me. It sounds like upon me retiring (76 more days until I can, but who is counting) I would be eligible. I read on a chat board that they only wanted certified instructors. I have been an instructor of some sort for 30+ years, but my only current certification is as a firearms instructor, and FATS (FireArms Training System) life size video game simulation. They use guns over there...right??? I am gonna send a resume some time in the next coupla days. Don’t know how the timing of my retirement papers and acceptance of their contract needs to sync. AND... I have to be sure they want me and I want to do it before I will put in for retirement. I can’t un-retire if it flops or I change my mind for whatever reason. Sounds like a 6 month contract with an option of 6 more months. R&R eligibility every six weeks, with a $2,500 travel stipend. My big question was answered in the first contact. Can I be armed, who provides the weapon if yes, and if provided by them what? There was a deal like this a number of years back someplace around the former Soviet Union. The pay was good, you could be armed, but you had to buy it in county and what was available was old and worn out, for some huge ridiculous cost! I know the M-16 platform of weapons well... and that was my first choice. Probably a Beretta pistol, not my first or second pick... but I have shot a bunch of rounds through Berettas, prefer a Glock. I could “make do” with an M-4 and a Beretta. One or two contracts would clear up a lot of debt... and make the financial transition into retirement more effortless. Basically only having a house payment and living expenses, after I finished the contracts. I’ll just have to see how this pans out... one thing for sure... I am ready to quit what I am doing now... but with what I owe after starting over a few years back... I need a pretty good retirement job. A couple of contracts doing this... would be a short cut... and adventure... and one last adrenalin rush before becoming an old retired fart! | ||
| Hanses25 |
I support ya Dennis! My old neighbor went over there as a civilian to wrench on armored cars. After wrecking a $600,000 mercedes benz he was sent home no questions asked. At least that is what he told me happened. He came home and bought a Dodge Durango for cash or something. | ||
| Gowindward  |
Dennis...From my understanding JJ is in need of a pair of nuts. Maybe you could give up your left one and set him up on a payment plan. Maybe $12,750 a month and then you could stay here in the states. I'm beginning to think between you and Tripper some guys will do anything to get out of being a BRAG club director. | ||
| Dasbuell |
Go... This is still in the explore the idea phase. I am sure some months will pass before it could happen... assuming both the gov't contractor and I am happy with the deal. I have no doubt there is a reason they are paying $12,750.00 a month... and that is not for my wit & charm. My resume has to be accepted, my medical issues though much smaller than they looked a few months ago still might be an issue (don't know how picky they are... as long as I stay on meds my blood pressure is under control), I am sure there will be an interview, a physical or documents from my last gov't physical, a security clearance granted (though that should be simple as DOJ does the clearance and I am currently a DOJ employee with a clearance). I have to retire and get all that settled for payouts and such...all this has to be in sync as once I retire I can't un-retire. AND... who knows if this happens... it could end up being after the better part of the "riding" season... were it would be the 6 months in the winter. Who would miss a club director in the winter??? Summers here and a coupla winters there might be do-able??? It in my eyes is worth checking out!!! Lots of ifs... and the club is still my focus... I just need to figure how to transition from what I am doing now into retirement. This scheme seemed like a short cut to debt reduction and dramatically reducing my monthly expenses dragged out of a retirement check. Making retirement more than just changing jobs. I don't want to be trapped on this job until I am 55 years old!!! This whole idea could flop if they don't like my resume or they don't need firearms instructors. I have not talked to my son about this... and he comes first over anything else in my life. I don't think he will like the idea, but if he understand what I am trying to do... and he know my sense of duty too... Don't start planning a coup just yet!!!! AND... JJ is gonna have to look else where. I need the set I have... and yes they are fully functional even at my advanced age... thank you!!! | ||
| Racerboy |
Where is Tripper? Thanks, Bob | ||
| Shazam |
Bob, Dave has flown the coop! I expect he is some wherer in New York at this point in time, new job, new re-relocation.... I have a number for him at the house, it may be the same one you are using, it may be more current? I'll give you a call 4:45 your time! Sam | ||
| Racerboy |
Thanks, Sam...Please call me at the orifice...314.821.0776... Thanks, Bob | ||
| Hanses25 |
Update for all the MOB My nuts are just fine!  | ||
| Hanses25 |
ok  | ||
| Gowindward |
Damn, Dennis so much for selling your left nut for 6 easy payments of $12,750. |
