| Author | Message | ||
     Newfie_buell  |
Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'panty stitcher'. I sew the elastic onto ladies' cotton panties and thongs. The clerk looked up 'panty stitcher' on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave Paddy $80 dollars a week unemployment pay. Mick was next in and when asked his occupation, he replied, 'diesel fitter'. Since 'diesel fitter' was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 dollars a week. When Paddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The Clerk explained, 'panty stitchers' are unskilled and 'diesel fitters' are skilled labour. What skill - yelled Paddy? I sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs. Mick puts them over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter." | ||
| 12bolt  |
 | ||
| Wardog3187  |
 | ||
| Ted  |
I needed that ! | ||
| Trolldaddi  |
 | ||
| X1tx  |
WOMEN DRIVERS: This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back, she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, burned Big Ed and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Damn women drivers | ||
| Kandie |
 | ||
| Brad_buell  |
 Good One! | ||
| U4euh  |
Mans' wife leaves him. He gets p.o.'d and goes out to buy a new sports car. He is cruising down the highway at about 85mph when he sees the flashing red and blue's. He thinks to himself "I am in a fast car" so he punches up to about 130. He looks in the mirror only to see the cop on his tail, so he pulls over. The cop walks up and taps on the window. He rolls it down and before he could speak, the cop snarls " you better have a damn good reason for trying to get away!" The guy thinks for a minute then says" Well officer, you see my wife left me for a policeman last week, and frankly I thought you were him,chasing me down to give her back!!" | ||
| Paulinoz  |
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Buell Motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a lookat his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question.?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So, how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work? " The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic..."Try doing it with the engine running.." | ||
| X1tx |
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." | ||
| Blackbelt  |
something to add.. just for a laugh... http://www.collegehumor.com/?image_id=106611 | ||
| Outrider  |
And they lived anonymously ever after. | ||
| Light_keeper |
A woman was driving down the highway at a very high rate of speed when she was pulled over by the patrolman. As he approched the car the woman said be very careful I'm crazy. He asked her for her licence and registration. She replied I dont have it this is a stolen car. I stole it from the man accross the street right after I shot him and put him in the trunk. With that the police officer backed off and asked her to wait right where she was. He then called for back up relateing all that she told him. With in moments the place was swarming with LAw enforcement. the woman continued to sit in her car as if nothing was going on. After the car was surrounded she was asked to get out with her hands up. She does so very calmly. The Sr officer walks up to her and asked her if she knew what was going on. She then stated that she did not have the slightest idea. with that he said that she was a suspect in a possible homicide. She looked at him kind of funny and asked where he had gotten that information. She was told what the patrolman had said. She then said that that was the first she had heard of it. In fact licence was in her purse and the registration was in the glove box and they were welcome to check it. When they got the registration the officer said this car belongs to you, we were told that it was stolen. At this point the keys were retrieved from the ignition. She was asked what was in the trunk. Again she looked puzzled and said Well the spare tire and some tools I think. She was asked if that was all that was in there. She replied that she couldnt think of anything else. It was opened and only the spare and a few tools were inside but no body. She started laughing and they asked what was so funny. She said I suppose he also told you I was speeding too? | ||
| Midknyte |
Sir, have you been drinking this evening? Er, uh, not exactly... http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/3021400 | ||
| X1tx |
The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The pharmacist yells: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative!" "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough " | ||
| Mr_grumpy  |
A man is driving home one night when a policeman pulls him over. "Have you been drinking, sir?" he asks. "No, officer," the man replies. "Was my driving bad?" "No, your driving was fine, sir. It was just the fat, ugly bitch in the seat beside you that made me suspicious..." | ||
| Cataract2 |
http://auroranorth.com/dui.wmv |
