| Author | Message | ||
     86129squids |
Bye Zac. | ||
| Zac4mac |
Didn’t and never will ask you to stop posting. I do look forward to meeting you someday at a Buell get-together. Z | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Zac4mac |
Heheheh Poor puppies  | ||
| Crusty |
I got stung on the tongue by an unnoticed bee that landed on my sandwich, back in 1983. It was extremely painful. I sympathize with those poor dogs. | ||
| Hootowl |
I hear the silver bullet band is back on tour but without their main guy. It’s close, but no Seger. | ||
| Xbpete |
Ba-dump to Jeff ... lol  | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
I Wrote A poem On a page But then each line grew To the word sum of the previous two Until I started to worry about all these words coming with such frequency Because, as you can see, it can be easy to run out of space when a poem gets all Fibonacci sequency. | ||
| Crusty |
I knew an anesthesiologist who put herself through medical school by moonlighting at the Playboy club. She was known as the Ether Bunny. | ||
| Hootowl |
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| Xbpete |
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| Crusty |
> > > > The Garter Snake can be dangerous . > > Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. > > A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. > > It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. > > She let out a very loud scream. > > The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. > > He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. > > His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. > > The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out. > > About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. > > The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat > down on the sofa in relief. > > But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. > > The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. > > The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it > needed stitches. > > The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's > throat. > > By now, the police had arrived. > > Breathe here... > > They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake! > > The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. > > Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire > in the drapes. > > The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. > > Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones > in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). > > Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world. > > A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. > > And that's when he shot her. | ||
| Tpehak |
Poor bees. I sympathize with those poor bees was eaten by those dogs. | ||
| Xbpete |
The maid asks for a raise. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increase." "The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me? "Maria: "Jor huzban he say so." Wife: "Oh yeah?" Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban did." Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?" Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.” Wife: really boiling now and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "Oh, no Señora!" Maria replied. “The gardener, he did.” The Wife paused, then replied meekly: "So then, how much did you have in mind?" | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
Although, this Texas has never been late because of his electric car.  | ||
| Bandm |
A RABBI AND A CATHOLIC PRIEST SIT TOGETHER ON PUBLIC BUS After a bit, the priest turns to the Rabbi and asks: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The Rabbi responds: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs. The Priest then asks: "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the Rabbi quickly looks away, then faces his newly-met companion and replies: "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to the temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." A while later, the Rabbi speaks up and asks the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The Priest replies: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.” The Rabbi then asks him: "Father, have you ever fallen prey to the temptations of the flesh?" The Priest frowns, but replies: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The Rabbi nods understandingly and remains silently thinking for about five minutes. Finally, the Rabbi says: "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?” | ||
| Crusty |
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| Xbpete |
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. Lucy came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before" The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before! | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Crusty |
If my Body Was a Car! If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull.. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it. Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, Either My Radiator Leaks or My Exhaust Backfires ! | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/azMGgXb China animation of Mars lander looks familiar. | ||
| Hootowl |
Ok, this is mildly rude. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/anQxAN0 | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Aesquire |
 And in the "Proud of Our State" category... From a Nebraska guy. https://www.onlyinyourstate.com/nebraska/true-thin gs-ne | ||
| 86129squids |
Heck Patrick, I thought you was a Florida man. |
