| Author | Message | ||
     Bandm |
One of my favorite creatures....While they may appear cute and cuddly, they can be very violent. They will stalk you and pounce on you when you least expect it, and can take everything you have in one swipe. They have a very unpredictable attitude and will lash out sometimes for almost no logical reason at all. Here, a photographer has caught one in a peaceful moment, hugging a bear...  | ||
| Sifo |
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? A: I'll be home in 20 minutes. | ||
| 86129squids |
Dang, Tom, you're getting lazy. And unobservant. Of the OP. Try again. | ||
| Sifo |
Yeah, that probably isn't based on enough truth to really be funny. The flight back from Epstein's island took more than 20 minutes. | ||
| 86129squids |
Bear's copping a nice feel... Me too? | ||
| Hootowl |
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? One, you racist bastards. | ||
| Hootowl |
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to jiggle the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company. | ||
| Ducbsa |
The wooden ball An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, But he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does." | ||
| Strokizator |
A doctor walks into the examination room and puts his hand on his patient's shoulder. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and don't have much time left." "Oh, no!" says the patient. "How long do I have to live?" "Ten" says the doctor. "Ten?" cried the panicked patient. "Ten what? Days? Weeks? Months?" The doctor calmly replies, "Nine . . " | ||
| Sami |
What do you get when you cross a Deconstructionist and a Mafioso? You get someone who makes you a proposition you can't understand. | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Pwnzor |
So... A Bosnian Muslim pet shop owner sells a parrot to a Croatian Catholic. The Catholic man is very pleased with the beautiful plumage, and figures the bird will eventually pick up some Croatian words. So the bird sits on his perch in the Croat's foyer, and continually greets his visitors with "Inshallah" and "As-salamu alakum". For the first few weeks, it's funny - but after a while, these words being continually spoken in his house are wearing on the nerves of the devout Catholic. So he devises a plan to deprive the bird of food until he stops the Muslim sayings. After a few weeks, the bird stops speaking altogether. The Croat figures the bird has finally learned his lesson, and fills his dish with all the treats he had previously enjoyed. Upon seeing the food in his bowl, the bird immediately squawks, "alhamd lilah , laqad mara ramadan fi alnahayat!" | ||
| Hootowl |
that’s funny | ||
| Ourdee |
Is the bird praising Allah that ramadon is over? | ||
| Aesquire |
Something like that.  | ||
| Pwnzor |
He was thanking Allah because Ramadan is over, and he can start eating again. It's funnier when told in Bosnian. | ||
| Hootowl |
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints. | ||
| Ducbsa |
Do we need a separate thread for Bosnian jokes?  | ||
| Ourdee |
I still got a chuckle out of it. I upset the timing. | ||
| Midknyte |
https://youtu.be/J2l-F1ElJMc | ||
| Ratbuell |
A farmer got pulled over by a Texas State Trooper for speeding. The Trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The Trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The Trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's @$$?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's @$$." The Trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though. | ||
| Pwnzor |
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| Aesquire |
https://babylonbee.com/news/keto-couple-plunged-in to-sin-after-tasting-forbidden-bread | ||
| Ourdee |
Vomitorium here they come. (Message edited by ourdee on February 06, 2020) | ||
| Ducbsa |
 | ||
| Hootowl |
Forget it. I was going to tell a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line is too long. | ||
| Pwnzor |
 | ||
| Hootowl |
When a frog’s car breaks down it either has to be jumped or toad. | ||
| 86129squids |
 | ||
| Sami |
Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!" Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you." |
