| Author | Message | ||
     Oldfartnbuell |
whatever he meant, he hit the nail on the head! | ||
| Pwnzor |
You're thinking of a penile colony. | ||
| Crusty |
That must be where they send the real pr*cks. | ||
| Alfau |
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| Alfau |
Panzie, is the crust in Crustys underpants a sign of your love for him. | ||
| Ducbsa |
ACTS 2:38 Conceal Carry and an Intruder You gotta love compassionate Christian Seniors. A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38. (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. *'She said she had an ax and two 38's!'* *Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one." | ||
| Pwnzor |
I love John the same way I love you, buddy. The difference is, I actually like John. | ||
| Aesquire |
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| Alfau |
vas ist das. Like ? I don't see things like that. Like. I don't want you to like me. Are you trying to get into my pants you poofter? | ||
| Gregtonn |
Did Alfie just post a self portrait? G | ||
| Oldfartnbuell |
why would he want to get in your pants? they are full of shitsta. | ||
| Pwnzor |
wishful thinking on your part... | ||
| Sifo |
OK, not a joke, but it is funny, and I don't know where else to put it... | ||
| Froggy |
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights.... Like he's a Muslim or something. | ||
| Pwnzor |
Good morning Frank!!!! | ||
| Reepicheep |
I don't get the "anti immigration" criticism for Trump either. He is married to an immigrant for goodness sake. I have friends that immigrated to the US... it was a long difficult process, but a worthwhile one. Just like if I wanted to immigrate to the UK or somewhere else. Legal immigration and reactions to illegal aliens are two completely different issues. The guy is a narcissist jerk, go ahead and criticize him for that. But I honestly don't know how somebody who isn't pathologically narcissistic could *ever* make it to a role of village council, much less president. So, duh! A narcissist can be a good executive, and most executives are probably narcissists. | ||
| Hootowl |
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. Hey, it could happen. | ||
| Sifo |
So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday and went over to the local Bass Pros Shop to get a 9mm pistol for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "strip down, facing me". Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about gun control nuts running amok, I did just as she instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was talking about how to place my credit card in the card reader. I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors clearer. I still don't think I looked that bad. | ||
| Alfau |
Hard to believe but . . .. A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now the number one hand held device. The penis has slipped to second spot. | ||
| Sifo |
News Update from Canada The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers. Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy. In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need? | ||
| Aesquire |
I love the skit on sex education too, but won't post it here. | ||
| Torquehd |
Poor taste. Crimes against humanity, or as we would call them today, human rights violations, aren't subject matter for laughter, no matter how you spin them. And, this whole "All whites are evil because of history" is not only BS, but blatant deceit. Japanese, vikings, spaniards, arabs, Chinese, Africans, Native Americans, Brits, Russians, SE Asians... the list goes on and on... seriously. Open a history book. Or use the google (before the left rewrites history). Plus, with the way that time works, no one today is their great great grandfather - that's just how it works. And, the good news is, in this day and age, we're down to a single major culture who openly believes that they're better than everyone and can rape and kill everyone who's not as muslim as they are (besides the natives of Sentinel Island). If only we, as a (edit: human) race, could squash that. (Message edited by torquehd on November 14, 2016) | ||
| Aesquire |
Lighten up Francis.  Genocide isn't funny? I see this clip as mocking both the White Guilt movement & the other extreme, the denial types. My ancestors kicked booty across a notable stretch of time & space. Nothing on the Chinese & not big on monumental buildings but the echoes & descendant cultures are planetary in scope. Doesn't mean they were all nice people. | ||
| Aesquire |
I really love the sex ed clip. 3 different, and "equally" wrong viewpoints on what we should teach our children in school about the funniest, scariest, and silliest part of human existence. The best you can hope for in humor is to be able to laugh at all sides for their excesses. | ||
| Aesquire |
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| Aesquire |
I'm betting there will be a Westworld thread soon. WAY too much to argue about in the ethical and plot realm. Some music can be transcendent. Tunes so good that they can be loved in multiple forms... or just so catchy you can't help yourself. I'm especially fond of Type O Negative's versions of "Cinnamon Girl" and "Summer Breeze". I also love Johnny Cash's "I Hurt Myself" ( used in the new "Logan" trailer ) and "Personal Jesus". Only the Man In Black could make a song written for depressed high school girls universal in it's scope. | ||
| Froggy |
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual $400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. | ||
| Airbozo |
Maybe they will tax him like they tax your "free" cell phone when getting it as part of a plan... | ||
| Tootal |
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights.... Like he's a Muslim or something. Froggy, If I was drinking a beer when I read that it would have flown out of my nose!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a while!  | ||
| Glitch |
Why did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the bunsen burner? He touched it, before it was cool |
