| Author | Message | ||
     Aesquire |
http://gizmodo.com/this-is-why-you-dont-ask-the-in ternet-to-name-things-1766072675 | ||
| Pwnzor |
Boaty McBoatface!!!  | ||
| Reepicheep |
Boaty McBoatface does have a pretty nice ring to it. | ||
| Aesquire |
Loved the "How to ride Bittt" video. | ||
| Aesquire |
http://acidsquirrel.com/post/94181 | ||
| Crusty |
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, then what does an onion do? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keeps everybody away. | ||
| Sifo |
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| Zane |
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| Aesquire |
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| Torquehd |
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| Sifo |
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| Alfau |
An old Airforce Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, Are you a real pilot? He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you? She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?" He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.' | ||
| Crusty |
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. | ||
| Sifo |
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: • Officer: May I see your driver's license? • Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. • Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? • Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it. • Officer: The motorcycle is stolen? • Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there. • Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag? • Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags. • Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!? • Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation: • Captain: Sir, can I see your license? • Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. • Captain: Who's motorcycle is this? • Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. • Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it? • Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag. • Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them. • Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs. • Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags. • Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too. | ||
| Sifo |
Not really a joke, but I found it pretty funny. Source... www.nypost.com/2016/04/18/construction-workers-set tle-argument-with-bulldozer-battle/ | ||
| Midknyte |
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| Bandm |
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| Ducbsa |
http://www.neatorama.com/2016/04/22/JapaneseEnglis h-Phrasebook-Is-Absolutely-Hilarious/ | ||
| Sifo |
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere... Their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door... On the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on... It doesn't matter to me. I just love it." His eyes, now wide with interest; he responds: "No kidding... I'm in Government too! Are you federal or state?" | ||
| Midknyte |
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| Sifo |
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real ••••••• when you're drunk, Superman!" | ||
| Midknyte |
https://www.good.is/articles/isnt-it-ironic-not-re ally?utm_source=wrd&utm_medium=fb&utm_campaign=swp s | ||
| Midknyte |
Go slow! https://i.imgur.com/PqRSZEY.gifv | ||
| Midknyte |
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old. "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock: no problem at all." "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?" "No, I have one every morning at 6:30." Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00." | ||
| Sifo |
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| 86129squids |
"Two baby seals walk into a club..." | ||
| Henshao |
"A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar; the Minister ducked." | ||
| Hootowl |
Not a joke but... http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2016/06/01/teen-hacks- into-north-korean-facebook-using-password-password .html | ||
| Midknyte |
There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts. | ||
| Ducbsa |
A wealthy man had three sons and wanted to test their sense of purpose. He took them to the top of the Empire State Building and asked them what they saw and what they thought about it. The eldest said that he saw great financial opportunities and how he could make a lot of money. The middle son said that he saw all the poor people that he could help to have better lives. The youngest said, "Tits, Dad, all I can think about is tits!" |
