An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back.
It was deep enough for swimming, and he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.
One evening he decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, ' I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
A woman standing up on a bus looks down disapprovingly at a fat man sitting in one of the seats. She says to him, "If that belly were on a woman, she'd be pregnant!"
He looks up at her and replies, "Lady, it was, and she is!"