Author |
Message |
03worc9r
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:26 pm: |
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Just thought I would share an email, I hope this isn't real, kinda funny.... Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. ************************************************** ***************** P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. ************************************************** ***************** P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. ************************************************** ****************** P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit ************************************************** ****************** P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order ************************************************** ****************** P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ************************************************** ****************** P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.. S: Evidence removed. ************************************************** ****************** P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. ************************************************** ****************** P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. ************************************************** ****************** P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. ************************************************** ****************** P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. ************************************************** ****************** P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search ************************************************** ****************** P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. ************************************************** ****************** P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. ************************************************** ****************** P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. ************************************************** ****************** And the best one for last P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. |
Xodot
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:30 pm: |
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I laughed till I cried - Thanks for sharing! |
Greenlantern
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:33 pm: |
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Still funny though last time I read it , Qantas was the airline. |
Brinnutz
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:55 pm: |
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Having worked in the aviation field while in the military...THATS HILARIOUS! |
Badlionsfan
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 02:58 pm: |
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+1 Greenlantern, about 10 years ago. Still a hoot to read. |
Limitedx1
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 03:14 pm: |
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funny funny, your flying in it lol |
Swordsman
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 04:03 pm: |
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Doubt this was originally written for any civilian airline, given that there's mention of a "target radar"... unless UPS is armed with more than just packages. ~SM |
Ourdee
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 04:24 pm: |
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What do you think a "package" is? |
Spdkls
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 05:12 pm: |
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that one has been circling the AF for a few years now. grapevine says it originally came from the RAAF in Aussie land, but it said Qantas on the email. still some funny stuff. |
Fast1075
| Posted on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 - 08:33 pm: |
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"Package"? Refer to "B83" on another thread Stuff like that has been around forever..even when I was....NEVERMIND!!! I know NOTHING!! (In my best Sargent Schultz voice) |
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