| Author | Message | ||
     Slaughter |
Two mathematicians, Joe and Richard , were having dinner in a restaurant. They were arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of the American public. Richard claimed that this average was woefully inadequate while Joe maintained that it was surpassingly high. "I'll tell you what, " said Richard, "when I get back from the bathroom we'll ask our waitress a simple calculus question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner. If not, you do, okay?" They agreed, but once he'd left Joe called the waitress over. "When my friend comes back, " he told her, " he's going to ask you a question; you should respond 'one third x cubed' no matter what the question is; got that? There's twenty bucks in it for you." She happily agreed to the gag. Richard returned from the men's room and called the waitress over. "The food was wonderful," he stated, "incidentally, do you know what the first integral of x squared is?" The waitress looked startled, then pensive, almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, (Joe was starting to sweat) and finally said, "Umm, one third x cubed?" Joe beamed in relief as an astonished Richard paid the check and a clearly irritated waitress muttered under her breath, "... plus a constant." | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
Ha! I get it. Sad I know. | ||
| Zane |
I don't get it?! Of course "plus a constant". | ||
| Cityxslicker |
and calculus is why I am not an engineer. well that and underage binge drinking.... | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
Actually it was differential equations that helped harpoon my engineering studies. That and a bat-sh*t crazy ex-wife. | ||
| Ducxl |
REminds me of the guy who thought he was so smart he proclaimed he was : "at the TOP of the bell curve" | ||
| Slaughter |
Lottery: A tax on people with poor math skills. | ||
| Froggy |
I don't really view it as a tax, as I usually win something, even a dollar, about half the time. Yes I still lose out at the end, but not by much. | ||
| Crusty |
A local columnist called the Lottery a "voluntary tax on stupidity" The odds of winning are approximately 175,000,000:1. I totally agree with the columnist, but I still buy tickets occasionally. Sometimes I ain't so bright. | ||
| Aesquire |
You can fool 93% of the people 54% of the time with made up statistics. I buy lotto tickets from time to time. If you don't play you can't win. ( if you do play, you won't win....but won't is not can't ) | ||
| Barker |
1 out 4 Russians make-up 25% of the population of russia. | ||
| Zane |
I buy maybe 1 or2 lotto tickets a year. Not because I expect to win anything but when the jackpot gets real high, I get a dollars worth of enjoyment thinking about what I'd do with the money. | ||
| Crusty |
9 out of 10 doctors agree that hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass. 9 out of 10 constipated people just couldn't give a sh*t. | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." | ||
| Slaughter |
Are you aware of our educational crisis? Do you realize that fully HALF the population has below average intelligence? | ||
| Corporatemonkey |
I don't know what worried me more; 1) I got the joke and laughed aloud 2) Is this really considered a complex joke now days? I think I am off to drown my sorrows in scotch.  (good as excuse as I need today) | ||
| Ducbsa |
I like the Dilbert cartoon where the secretary gets the boss going by telling him that she checked the records and 40% of absences had been on Fridays and Mondays. | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
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| Hootowl |
The odds of winning the lottery go up significantly when you buy a ticket. Buying two tickets...not so much. | ||
| Slaughter |
Dogbert: I'm selling "value-added lottery" tickets. They're half price, but the chance of winning is only 1 in ten million less. Man: I'll take one...Hey, wait! This is yesterday's ticket. Dogbert: And your point is? | ||
| Slaughter |
A Boy and his Frog A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked it up and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Then the frog cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the boy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket." Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?! I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a week, and I'll do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy looked at the frog and said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." | ||
| Barker |
5 out of 4 high school students have problems with fractions. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
"1 out 4 Russians make-up 25% of the population of Russia." mmm this is more of sociology question than math, doing the pooling you will see that there are a large degree that are Georgian, Ukranian, Mongolian, Japanese, Siberian, or Muslim (yes I know its not a race, but they consider themselves Muslim before Russian) not even going to open up the can of worms about the former Soviet Republics and whether or not those are still indeed 'Russia' PS... I still hate calculus. | ||
| Fast1075 |
Naught plus naught equals naught...Jethro Bodine. |
