| Author | Message | ||
     Brumbear |
Just got this email I hate to say it but alot of it rings true How To Drive In Jersey ... Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger.. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going. For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise. For those who haven't travelled there before, Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid,,,, Be Very Afraid. 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Tren-ton, it is Trent-in. 2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ) 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second; However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey . Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items. 9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting. 10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated." 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. 12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning. SAFE DRIVING ! ! ! I am getting to old for these st patty's binders I don't think I am gonna make the 17th this year | ||
| Aesquire |
I love New Jersey at truck rush hour. 6pm through 6am. Best at oh, 3-ish. "Are you from Jersey? Which exit?" | ||
| Froggy |
Rode a Uly on the Garden state tonight, almost got creamed by a BMW. I blew the horn to defend myself, and proved #6 correct. | ||
| Brumbear |
I 80 28 | ||
| Nevrenuf |
i went over to see my sister in lakewood back in august and although this is pretty much true, so true, it seems like #6 can happen in columbus too. | ||
| Ourdee |
I drove there in the early 80s. Then if you were changing lanes you hit the turn flasher, tooted the horn, and turned all at the same time. does that still apply? | ||
| Skinstains |
Come on Froggy...can't you wait to post things like that ??? As for people "corking" the hammer (left) lane. My treatment of them is quite special. I (at all cost) get in front of them (usually by driving like an absolute madman and chopping their front bumper with about 1 or 2 feet to spare) and letting off of the accelerator and not hitting the brakes (no brake light warning for the tool) and coasting down to as slow as single didgit speeds. This massive slowing allows ALL of the other traffic to pass and doesn't allow the tool out from his torture chamber behind me as the passing traffic is moving much faster than me and my victim. It also reminds all the others that pass that the left lane is for passing only. I also get tons of thumbs up from the passing masses as a thanks for the open road I have provided them with. One more thing folks, the middle lane is the truckers hammer (left) lane. Let's not cork it up huh ? | ||
| Brumbear |
don't need a blinker anymore for those thinking why doesn't anyone just pass stains when he does that don't realise the roads are usually so packed there is no room to go around when he slows down all the other lanes are fully populated there is nowhere for the person to go. NICE!!!!!!!!!! | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
I took a trip down south this week and the drive was so pleasant. The traffic was light and the people nice. On my return, as soon as I hit northern Virginia I could feel my blood pressure rising. The traffic was thick, morons were cutting across lanes like they were Nascar drivers and there were two idiots driving without lights, on I95, in the dark. The only thing the northeast is good for, imho, is to make money and hope you live long enough to retire somewhere else. | ||
| Ratbuell |
*Coastal* northeast. Get west of I95 and it chills out quite a bit. There's still a plethora of morons on the superslab, but at least we can get out and play in the mountains to escape them!  My only question for Jersey is...WTF is up with the jughandle? LOSE 'EM, they SUCK! lol. | ||
| Xbpete |
Went down through New Jersey a week or so back, got caught on outside lane on 287 South and ended up getting off in Perth Amboy to save the frustration of being in or on Staten Island... There is now in my driving history one time I was happy to get on the Jersey Turnpike at Exit 10. I would have asked directions but I don't speak Cuban, Haitian, Portugese, Chinese so I kept moving west and didn't pay attention to the salutes... |
