| Author | Message | ||
     Danger_dave |
"You can observe a lot just by watching." I used that in a conversation today and it was entirely apt. So many gems. # "This is like deja vu all over again." # "You can observe a lot just by watching." # "He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie. # "I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947. # "I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars. # "Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?" # "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." # "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early." # "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else." # "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him." # "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six." # "Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical." # "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much." # "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting." # "A nickel isn't worth a dime today." # "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded." # "It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium. # "Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show. # Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me." # "Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time. # "I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four." # "If you come to a fork in the road, take it." # "You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left." # "90% of the putts that are short don't go in." # "I made a wrong mistake." # "Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election. # "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool. # "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken." # "Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost." # "If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them." # "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel." # "It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't." # "How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer." # "I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season. # "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." # "He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson. # "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?" # "It ain't the heat; it's the humility." # "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase." # "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." # "I didn't really say everything I said." | ||
| Danger_dave |
The other one that I find is handy for winning business meetings is Groucho. IF you can back him up with some pertinent David Ogilvy the Marketing Dept is putty in your hands. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Groucho Marx A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Groucho Marx A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. Groucho Marx Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. Groucho Marx All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. Groucho Marx Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx Before I speak, I have something important to say. Groucho Marx Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it. Groucho Marx From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. Groucho Marx Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. Groucho Marx Go, and never darken my towels again. Groucho Marx Humor is reason gone mad. Groucho Marx I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. Groucho Marx I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Groucho Marx I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book. Groucho Marx I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. Groucho Marx I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Groucho Marx I intend to live forever, or die trying. Groucho Marx I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Groucho Marx I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. Groucho Marx I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. Groucho Marx I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. Groucho Marx I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Groucho Marx I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. Groucho Marx I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. Groucho Marx I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. Groucho Marx I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho Marx If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. Groucho Marx If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. Groucho Marx In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. Groucho Marx It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! Groucho Marx Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Groucho Marx Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Groucho Marx My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. Groucho Marx My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. Groucho Marx No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. Groucho Marx Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. Groucho Marx Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Groucho Marx Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. Groucho Marx Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Groucho Marx Room service? Send up a larger room. Groucho Marx She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho Marx The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. Groucho Marx The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho Marx There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. Groucho Marx There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. Groucho Marx Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho Marx Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Groucho Marx Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. Groucho Marx Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? Groucho Marx Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. Groucho Marx Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. Groucho Marx Women should be obscene and not heard. Groucho Marx | ||
| Djkaplan |
Yogi swears most of his quotables aren't made up to be funny; he just says what he thinks and people think it's funny. I love the guy... one of the few living legends still around. | ||
| Hexangler |
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