| Author | Message | ||
     Danger_dave |
Fattifatbastard's Guide to Zen Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f--- off and leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any. Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Remember, no one is listening until you fart. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. A closed mouth gathers no feet. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a spouse. Neither one generally works. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed. Remember not to forget that which you do not need to. | ||
| No_rice |
lol! | ||
| Azxb9r |
A closed mouth gathers no feet. I have not heard that one before... I like it  | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
"Do not walk behind me, for I may be "loaded". | ||
| Danger_dave |
>>Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it. << It was $230 and turns out it was a good deal. | ||
| Buellerthanyou |
Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss...and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you...that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the sea of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth; birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan; and let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Candy. Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese... And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, The universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be; hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP. I always liked this National Lampoon version of Desiderata. Relevant to "discussion"? I dunno...  HellBuelly J | ||
| Danger_dave |
>>Relevant to "discussion"?,< Perfectly thanks. |
