| Author | Message | ||
     Mr_grumpy  |
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either. | ||
| Blublak  |
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| Doughnut  |
}}}HA! | ||
| Doughnut |
(is this a joke, or true?) | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I confess, it wasn't me, I'm not brave enough to pull that stuff on MY wife.  | ||
| Stealthxb  |
LOL!!!  | ||
| Doughnut |
Still VERY funny. | ||
| Lpowel02  |
oh man, that's funny... I would get my @ss handed to me if I did that | ||
| Bigeasy |
Very funny!! Does the name Bobbit ( not sure on the spelling ) come to mind after reading that? lol art | ||
| Cataract2 |
Paybacks a bitch right? | ||
| Seanp  |
Awesome. Wish I had the cojones to try this on my wife! | ||
| Ingemar |
Funny stuff! | ||
| Blake |
Won't work for me. My wife buys her own stuff. She buys stuff for me too sometimes.  | ||
| Dago  |
I would certainly wake up dead. | ||
| Court |
>>>My wife buys her own stuff. She buys stuff for me too sometimes. Hey big Tex....if you are dying to try it, come here, you can try it on you know who. Yegads.....I shudder to even think about that. | ||
| Raraf |
I think my wife told me that once but I couldn't understand her with my stonker in her mouth! | ||
| Metalstorm  |
ROFLMAO!!! That's too funny. I damn near cried laughing. | ||
| Bcordb3  |
Great story, better get a nice air mattress and find a spot in the garage next to the Buell. It is the only hot thing you will be riding for awhile. | ||
| Bryguy269 |
wow, that's the best thing i think i've ever read. i'd like to try and pull that one off one day, i probably wouldn't be able to keep the laughter in though | ||
| Blake |
"Hey big Tex....if you are dying to try it, come here, you can try it on you know who." Henrik? | ||
| Jlnance  |
I confess, it wasn't me, I'm not brave enough to pull that stuff on MY wife Thats why you still have a wife  | ||
| Azbueller  |
POLICE ADVICE Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps, and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Gentlemans Clubs" in the yellow pages. |
