Author
Message
Americanmadexb
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 09:32 pm:
Mortarmanmike120
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 09:39 pm:
Those damn ninja's snuck into my house and replaced all my furniture with exact replicas.
Mortarmanmike120
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 09:41 pm:
Doughnut
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 10:23 pm:
Doughnut
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 10:23 pm:
Doughnut
Posted on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 - 11:28 pm:
White
Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 - 12:10 am:
Danger_dave
Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 - 12:20 am:
Oddball
Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 - 12:30 am:
I'll see your karate with Tae Kwon Leap. Part i : the lesson Master: Approach student, close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Tae Kwon Leap. but, be warned: to learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate on this wisdom now. so: ohhhhmmmmm... Student1 (ed gruberman): uh, sir! sir! (oo!, oo!) sir! Master: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond? Eg: Me! Ed Gruberman! Master: E-Ed Gruberman. Eg: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nuthin', but, uh, how long is this gonna take? Master: Tae Kwon Leap is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon. Eg: So like, what, an hour or so? Master: no, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience. Eg: yeah yeah yeah, patience. how long will that take? Master: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day. Eg: A year??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! yah yah yah hwoom! Master: 'Beat people up?'... Eg: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozos! That's all I came here for! yo asta sta sta!!! Pretty good, eh? Master: The only use of Tae Kwon Leap is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher. Eg: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense. You know who said that? Mel, the cook on 'Alice'. Master: Tae Kwon Leap is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of hostility. meditate upon this truth with us. ohmmmmmm..... Eg: Listen, shrimp! Now are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wipin' the walls with you? Master: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Tae Kwon Leap. approach me that you might see. Eg: All right! Finally some action! Master: observe closely, class. boot to the head! (sh-zoomp!) Eg (drunkenly): Owww! You booted me in the head! Master: You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. few novices experience so much of Tae Kwon Leap so soon. Eg (quietly, to himself): ow, oh, my head! Master: Now we continue. ohhhmmmmm... Eg: Hey! I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty. Hah? Come on, are ya chicken? Master: Boot to the head! (sh-zoomp!) Eg (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I'm ready. Okay, now, come on, try it now. Master: Boot to the head! (sh-zoomp!) Eg: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute? Master: Now class, we shall return to our.. Student2: Master? Master: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student. Student2: Many apologies, master. but I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong. Master: What do you mean? Student2: I want to boot some head, too. Master: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman? Student2: Yes, master. I have learned two things. first, that anger is a weapon only to one's opponent. Master: Very good. Student2: And secondly, get in the first shot. Boot to the head. (sh-zoomp!) Master: You missed. Student2: Yeah. well... Master: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson... Student2: You don't have to, you know. I gotta be going... Master: Boot to the head! (sh-zoomp!) Student2 (agonizing pain): oyyy oy oyyyy.... oh.... Master: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here? Student3: Yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you. Master: You gain wisdom child. Student3: So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get'em guys! (master throws many boot-to-the-head's and sh-zoomp's, and people are groaning In pain) Master: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into the heart of the candle of meditation. Unison: ohhhmmmm.... Master: Very good, class.
Danger_dave
Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 - 01:23 am:
When should I stop Master? When your eyes wook wike mine, Gwasshopper.
Blackbelt
Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 - 09:52 pm:
I LOVE THAT BIT!!!