| Author | Message | ||
     P_squared |
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: “Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those jerks took $95.00 in taxes.” Confession: A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is" Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that $h!t again, you're in my closet now.” | ||
| Fast1075 |
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| P_squared |
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi." The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir." I know this one is 'political' but it's still FUNNY, at least I thought so. YMMV. | ||
| Greenlantern |
I know this one is 'political' but it's still FUNNY, at least I thought so. YMMV. And you would be correct. | ||
| 86129squids |
+1!! Good on yall for the yuks!! "Knock Knock! Who's there? Little Boy Blue! ..... | ||
| Ourdee |
little boy blue who? | ||
| Old_man |
P_squared I heard that same joke 3 years ago. Different names of course. | ||
| P_squared |
The names change but the joke remains funny. Gotta love it. As for the "little boy blue..." line, in my best Andrew Dice Clay voice, "Cuz he needed the money" The 'confession' one from earlier had me ROLLING this morning when I read it. It's SO wrong, yet SO funny.  | ||
| Old_man |
What ever happened to Andrew Dice Clay? I liked him. Did anyone catch Stephen Wright last night. What a witty man. Quotes: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven _wright.html | ||
| P_squared |
What ever happened to Andrew Dice Clay? Last I looked, he was on "Celebrity Apprentice". | ||
| Old_man |
Never watched that show. I may have to check it out. | ||
| Rockstarblast1 |
he either just had a show or is about to have one here in cleveland. and was on a local radio show "rovers morning glory" last week or so.... i guess he still is doin his thing | ||
| Midknyte |
What ever happened to Andrew Dice Clay? Got a sex change? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Lampanelli Not a big Dice fan, but he sure pulled it off better than she does... | ||
| Doughnut |
How many cops does it take to escort a subject down the stairs? None. He tripped. | ||
| P_squared |
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly. "Why are you crying?" Bob asked. "I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill. "So? Are you afraid?" "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely. Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?" To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!" | ||
| Not_purple_s2 |
Lisa Lampanelli's entire comedy act: "I screw black guys." Seriously that's the only joke she has. I mean... is that even suppose to be shocking these days? If if wasn't for Comedy Central Roasts of Everybody, her and those other 4-5 guys would be unemployed. | ||
| 86129squids |
....Michael Jackson!! |
