| Author | Message | ||
     Oz666 |
From my Inbox... WISH I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS: ==================================== When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a$$hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!" and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and! yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an a$$hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called a$$hole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole," and hung up. Then I called A$$hole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, a$$hole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work. " Life is all about ass...either you are covering it, kicking it, kissing it, or trying to get it."   Oz "Nobody gets in to see the Wizard. Not nobody, not no how." | ||
| Gowindward |
lmfao Thanks! | ||
| Kdan |
It looks like I'll stop opening free gay personal ads for a$$holes now. I have a new hobby!!! | ||
| New12r |
That is great! | ||
| Firebolteric_ma |
It looks like I'll stop opening free gay personal ads for a$$holes now. I have a new hobby!!!  .....Me Too!!!!..... | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
I had to wipe tears away after that one. Thanks for sharing! However, I'll stick with putting dead minnows in the back of the drawers in the desk belonging to the biggest a$$hole in my office. I find it quite fulfilling to hear them through my office wall complaining about the smell in their office next door to the office manager over and over. Well there's that and the doe scent in the same person's coffee cup, but I only did that once. The funny thing is this person can't imagine why people would mess with them like that. A$$HOLE!  | ||
| Ryker77 |
Too funny. I had pulled a stunt somewhat like that many years ago. The phone system was screwed up (rain) and several people had their phone lines mixed in together. I pushed this one guys buttons after he got upset and began to yell get off my line. He asked my name and I gave him a "name". Nothing to make the news but I learned how easy it was to set a person up. |
