| Author | Message | ||
     Mutt2jeff  |
Science Students on Hell The following is supposedly an actual question given on a UMass chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed), or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!" THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A". | ||
| Cyclonemick |
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| Ray_maines  |
The last time I saw this joke the student was from the Univ. of Washington. Good story, none the less. | ||
| Mr_grumpy  |
Cracking, thanks for that.  | ||
| Tripp  |
good for him that he was able to include theresa in is theory! good one!  | ||
| Newfie_buell  |
I love that | ||
| Lord_deathscyte |
that is awesome. | ||
| Blublak  |
 I hadn't seen that one before.. Like it though.. gonna have to print it and show it to my team... Later, | ||
| Scooterroid  |
I'm an adjunct in a community college. Gawd, I wish my students were that thoughtful and creative. I guess in some respect they are, especially when it comes to getting out of work. Thanks for the laugh. Steve-O | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
My mates son (a philosophy student) sent me this one after having enjoyed the Physics, enjoy, Socrates One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance. The acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to say to me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and...." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. "Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary...." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really...." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife. | ||
| U4euh |
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| Medic |
That is some useful advice, Mr. Grumpy. I started using the Triple Filter Test after I read your posting, and I haven't spoken in days. I think my vocal cords have atrophied.  Al | ||
| Lord_deathscyte |
Twas the night before finals And all through the college The students were praying For last minute knowledge Most were sleepy But none touched their beds While visions of essays Danced in their heads Out in the bars A few were still drinking hoping that liquor Would loosen up their thinking In my own room I had been pacing And dreading exams I soon would be facing My roommate was speechless His nose in his books And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks I drained all the coffee brewed a new pot No longer caring That my nerves were shot Id nearly concluded That life was too cruel With futures depending On grades had in school Our teachers have pegged us So just do your best Happy Finals to All And to all a Good Test | ||
| Lord_deathscyte |
sorry should have post this one last night also, for other people that might be in school and have finals this month. Twas the week before exams, and all through the dorms, not a student was studying, this was ususally the norm. Kegs in the kitchen, Jell-O shots in the hall-- thanks to the liquor, it was a late night for all. Passed out all around, the kids all slept tight. When they woke up the next day, they thought, "Man whatta night!" Were too hungover to study they shouted with cheer... so f*** the exams and bring on the beer! |
