| Author | Message | ||
     Crusty |
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the > > porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the 'No Bell Piece Prize' but they also awarded him the 'Pulletsurprize' as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible. | ||
| Pwnzor |
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| Rocketman |
Very interesting take on the 1125 technology there Crusty  Rocket | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
Very interesting take on the 1125 technology there Crusty  | ||
| 86129squids |
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| Cityxslicker |
Say didnt Anna Nicole marry a Chicken Farmer?.... | ||
| Wile_ecoyote |
Very good Crusty. Sean, get back to writing well thought out threads instead of this drivel we are seeing lately! | ||
| Wile_ecoyote |
Oh yeah Sean, PLEASE!? (Message edited by wile_e.coyote on January 15, 2008) | ||
| Not_purple_s2 |
So we get to choose between the caring sensitive guy who is going tell us that its the best thing to let him screw us or the confident assholish guy who'll screw us and just tell us to like it. | ||
| Rocketman |
Sean, get back to writing well thought out threads instead of this drivel we are seeing lately! That little fella rolling around laughing at the end of my post is supposed to give out a clue. It's humour Wile  Rocket | ||
| Oldog |
thats just clucking funny! come to think of it err whe had a bill in the white house, and he sneaked up on one of them young chicks | ||
| Freezerburn |
Oldog Reminds me of that old joke: What's the difference between a Phillips and that 'bill' you just referred to? The Phillips turns in screws. | ||
| Jackbequick |
good one Matt! Here's another pretty funny rooster joke. A rooster was on the farm. He had all the chicks to himself. Life was great! One day, he saw a new young buck of a rooster walking this way and that, strutting in front of all the chicks. The older rooster thought I won't have any of this and confronted the young buck. The old rooster said "Hey boy, I see you're new here and I'll have you know that this is my neck of the woods and we don't need you here." The young rooster replied, "Well old man, I'm here and soon you will be gone." The older rooster thought about it for a while and then confronted his younger counterpart. "Hey boy, how about we have a foot race and the winner will take the farm. The loser will admit defeat and leave." The younger rooster considered this and replied, "I'll beat you old man." The older rooster replied, "Well, that remains to be seen." The older rooster took his spur and drew a line in the dirt and said, "We will start on this line and run to the horse stable, turn left, around the big barn, then around the pig pen, then back to this point making full circle. Whoever makes it back here first, wins." The younger rooster agrees and they line up on the line. The older rooster says "On you mark, get set... Wait a minute! I'm almost twice your age, why don't you give me a 50 foot head start?" The younger rooster thinks about this and agrees. So they line up again on the line, the older rooster 50 feet ahead of the younger. "On your mark, get set, go!" They take off in a flash towards the horse stable. When they round the stables, the older rooster looks back and the younger has closed the gap to 25 feet. They take off to the big barn and when they pass the barn the younger has closed the gap to 20 feet. They run to the pig pen and when they round it, the younger has closed the gap to less than 10 feet. They both run towards the finish line, giving it all they got. The younger roster gets closer and closer... About this time, the owner of the farm is sitting on the front porch and sees this commotion. He raises his shotgun and BLAM! He blows the younger rooster into a mass of blood and feathers. His wife calls out from the kitchen, "Whats the matter dear?" He replies, "Damn it, Thats the third queer rooster I've bought this month." Jack | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
Why did the chicken cross the road? DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ....... reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. ____________________________________________ Stolen from Sacborg. Apologies to JimA. | ||
| Oldog |
The Phillips turns in screws. LOL! } |
