| Author |
Message |
    
Swampy
| | Posted on Friday, August 05, 2005 - 11:19 am: | 
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What wonderful advice from your wife, she sounds like a real gem, you my friend are a fortunate man, carry on.... |
Imonabuss
| | Posted on Friday, August 05, 2005 - 02:49 pm: |
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Eor,
Your comment was right to the point, in my opinion, but it is nothing more than an opinion. Vegas, I was in the same situation and now both my parents are gone. Believe me I tried near the end, but personalities don't change. It was awful to be 40+ years old and facing the same attitude, and finding you still felt like a terrified six year old. Keep in touch with them from a distance, and focus on your son. Don't build up hopes of a miraculous resolution of the past. The disappointment will still hurt. Very, very best of luck to you and your boy in the future. |
Jessicasdad
| | Posted on Friday, August 05, 2005 - 03:26 pm: |
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Swampy/Rob .. thanks .. I passed your comment onto my wife ... she has opened my eyes to many things and I have come to know what true love is and more importantly other than my Grandmother I know again what unconditional love is .. that is what should exist between a child and parent. |
Jon
| | Posted on Saturday, August 06, 2005 - 08:09 pm: |
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Vegas,
I did not read all the posts, just yours. My remarks will not solve your problem, but may help some.
You will always feel like you are 6 when your dad scolds you if you are wrong.
Accidents do happen. The folks might not have planned you, but obviously God did. I too was a accident.
No matter how tough or irrational your dad was, did you ever make a gallant effort to honor him? If you spent your growing up trying to get in the last word, explain your actions, etc., then the answer is "no". It's a possibility that you got some issues of honor to address. |
Hammer71
| | Posted on Saturday, August 06, 2005 - 10:08 pm: |
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Just my.02 resolve your issues before it's too late. I made that mistake. Now I dont have the chance to. |
Vegasbueller
| | Posted on Monday, August 08, 2005 - 07:59 pm: |
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Guys,
Again..thank you for all the insight,and all the viewpoints, from both sides. It has honestly been a great deal of help. I didn't go see them while I was there, but for better reasons I think. I spent all my time with my son, catching up on some lost time, and teaching him to ride my Buell. He fell in love with the bike! LOL And he can ride the thing pretty darn good.
Back to the original story though, I am going to bide my time, and really think about how and when I want to do this. Like many have pointed out, yes he can still make me feel like a kid,and I have to get to the point where I feel like I can keep that control on my side and not allow him to be able to take it away.
and Jon, honestly I respected him and honored him. It made no difference, and some of that is attributed to the mental illness. There were days, and still are when he can forget who he is and who I am. From this, I have to make it my own personal goal to be a better father than he was.
Thanks again guys, this really does mean a lot
Nick |
Whodom
| | Posted on Monday, August 08, 2005 - 10:03 pm: |
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Nick,
Glad to hear you feel like you have a grip on this thing now. I really hope and pray you can work things out to your satisfaction at some point.
I lost my Dad last year and a day doesn't go by that I wouldn't give my right leg to be able to spend 5 more minutes with him. There ain't no substitute for your Dad. |
Vegasbueller
| | Posted on Monday, August 08, 2005 - 11:10 pm: |
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Whodom,
Thanks man, and I am sorry for your loss as well. I am not sure if I have a grip on it totally. It has helped to find out that I am not the only one in the world that has or is going through this.
What you experienced is another reason that I have been working every day to remain close to my son, I certainly do not want to pass on without knowing that my son knows that I love him dearly. |
Knotrider
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 09, 2005 - 12:25 am: |
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hey vegas,
hated my father, glad i didn't go to the FUNeral.
don't regret it at all. just because they're relatives...doesn't mean you have like them.
don't sweat it, worry about yourself and whats important to you. |
Buelliedan
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 09, 2005 - 08:59 am: |
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If your dad is Schyzophrenic or Bi-polar(must be one or the other can't be both) then you really can't do much about the relationship. I have a feeling he is probably bi-polar as Scyzophrenics are just crazy all the time whereas your dad sounds like he has the bad mood swing associated with Bi-polars. And to make it worse most Bi-polars self medicate with booze making them even moodier and mean. Your on the losing side in this battle unfortunately. I have worked with too many bi-polars in inpatient Psych wards and have seen how it destroys families.
(Message edited by buelliedan on August 09, 2005) |
Jlnance
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 09, 2005 - 09:16 am: |
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I certainly do not want to pass on without knowing that my son knows that I love him dearly.
My dad wasn't happy with his relationship with his father. I don't know the details, as my grandfather passed away 5 years before I was born.
I do know that my grandfather never told my dad he loved him, so my dad always went out of his way to make sure I knew I was loved. A few years ago, when he was dying of cancer, I got the "come to the hospital, he's not going to make it," call in the middle of the night. The first thing he said when I walked in the room was "I love you and I'm so proud of you."
It means a lot to me. And I know it means a lot to your son. |
Impulse_101
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 09, 2005 - 11:41 am: |
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My father was the son of an Alcoholic, He was born in 1937 and things were rough, after all it was still the great depression. He battled the scars of emotional abuse and the added problems that come from being the adult child of an Alcholic and from being the most reliable male in his household of 5 sisters and two brothers. Dad was the protector of his family and became the patriarch of our family.
Dad always rode to the rescue when someone needed help and he didn't only extend this kindess to family. He made the decision early in life to not make the mistakes that his father made and while no family is perfect, I had it pretty good growing up. The words I remember hearing most from him were "You're my son and I love you." Those words stay with me every day and mean even more since he died of cancer in Dec. of 1996.
Vegas, If you have managed to break the chain of abuse, you've already given your son the greatest gift that he will ever get and it sounds like your son will remember you as I remember as I remember my father. But also make sure that you take care of yourself, if being around your Father and Mother is nothing more than abuse then don't do it. The pang of guilt from disassociation is a dull ache that lasts a long time, but the spears of anger and rage that your parents throw can hurt far worse and far more deeply. So I say make them earn your trust and your company, otherwise leave them be.
JT |
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