| Author | Message | ||
     Whisperstealth |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Blake |
Hah! The “OHMMMMM” comic is even funnier when you realize it’s a mega-ohm resistor.  | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Crusty |
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| Ducbsa |
cancel (Message edited by ducbsa on October 21, 2022) | ||
| Ducbsa |
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| Ducbsa |
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| Xbpete |
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| Whisperstealth |
Exactly LMAO! | ||
| Ducbsa |
A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'...... | ||
| Crusty |
If a Dentist puts a bridge in your mouth; does the Tooth Ferry go under it? | ||
| Needs_o2 |
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!" "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me." The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat." "I am, replies the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault. | ||
| Crusty |
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| Ducbsa |
https://www.sciencealert.com/mouse-study-suggests- a-surprising-link-between-nose-picking-and-alzheim ers From the comments  | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Needs_o2 |
A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson. This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 8-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace." As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace and justice for all. Amen!" Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why -- I never!" … Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa? Is God mad at me?" After I assured him that he had done a terrific job and that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my grandson asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul. Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, and then he did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. You must be a Democrat, shove it up your ass and cool off!" Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? He will make a fine Marine one day. | ||
| 86129squids |
What part of that whole allegory makes sense? Helter-stupid. | ||
| Needs_o2 |
Touch a nerve? | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Ducbsa |
Former Twitter employee looking for "work" https://youtu.be/g-voQsFY6SE | ||
| Aesquire |
The "kid" "joke" is a now common bit of bullflop often mocked in meme space where some jerk inserts their attitude into the mouths of their children in a transparent lie of a story.. The utter absurdist aspect of a child uttering "adult" Woke Mantras is only really funny because the "adult" thinks they can fool anyone. I won't post any for the same reason I don't make retard jokes. It's not funny to be cruel or dishonest. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://www.theonion.com/man-who-lost-everything-i n-crypto-just-wishes-several-t-1848764551 | ||
| 86129squids |
Naah, no nerve worried. You just gotta elevate your game quite a bit. If you would actually expect your grandson to say and do such things, and then expect him to become a fine Marine, that's pretty sad. Refer back to the thread's OP, try again. (Message edited by 86129squids on November 23, 2022) | ||
| Needs_o2 |
I guess I should be spending more time staring at screens so I'm truly up to date on my meme's and internet jokes to find those that don't offend. Nah, I'm going out rabbit hunting with my wife, in the Gore Range, WAY more enjoyable. | ||
| 86129squids |
Dangit! My wife says not to kill any of the cute things. Lots around here, just wary of any overshot looks. Free and tasty protein! Good luck hunting and bag all you can. https://leitesculinaria.com/73052/recipes-rabbit-c onfit.html | ||
| Xbpete |
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the old man replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare. |
