| Author | Message | ||
     Ducbsa |
The Husker players are proud of the N on their helmet, because they say it stands for "Knowledge." | ||
| Aesquire |
Instead of gators, we had catfish bigger than them. The State Bird is a Boeing Stratofortress. I'm a heretic, I don't love Runzas. Duck and Cover was my school song. Hunters use long range ballistic tables using the curvature of the Earth and the coriolis effect when hunting deer in the truck garden. They're all waiting for scientists to clone Mammoths, 'cause they're good eating. Just like the feral hogs nearly the same size. Everyone knows Cornhusker Stadium at the University is the 3rd largest city in the state on Game days. And they expand the seating there to make sure. State promotional web site eventually will show every store & call them Quaint. Except the ones with flying saucers on the roofs, which are Quirky. The flying saucer probably is real. You don't see Nebraska Man waving a flag in a hurricane. He's on the porch watching the tornado, with the flag respectfully cared for. The Sand Hills are the largest area of sand dunes in the Western hemisphere. Nebraskans planted grass on them. The dunes move, pushed by the wind, and swallow roads and cattle ponds. Sometimes towns. Nebraska is so flat there are no flat earthers. Everyone can see the curvature of the Earth. For some odd reason, silly lists like "X corner stores you must visit" are popular with promotional websites. X could be "oldest", "western themed", "quaint" or "quirky". ( yes, I've shopped at the oldest western themed store with a flying saucer, down the road from the World's biggest ball of barbed wire ) | ||
| Aesquire |
Bro code. If a bro dies lifting weights, add more weight, then call 911. | ||
| Xbpete |
 | ||
| 86129squids |
Pete, are you related to Charlie??  | ||
| Hootowl |
Um. I was 51 when I realized that. | ||
| 86129squids |
Damn I'm old. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://somethingpositive.net/comic/after-i-die/ A couple of the online comic strip writer/artists are going through tough times, with depression, loss of loved ones, and life in general. Comedy often is a coping mechanism for pain. I pretty much agree, when I'm gone feel free to complain about my bad habits, and that might improve someone else's life in turn, maybe. And "we told him that wouldn't fly" is a comment any ghost should be proud of. | ||
| 86129squids |
Patrick- I always appreciate your writing, but the above post is one of your best. Truth all around there, yes. Thanks for that. Still looking for my Too Much Coffee Man coffee table book. Oh well... | ||
| Xbpete |
 | ||
| Bandm |
THE PRESIDENT AND THE TWO HOGS Last Tuesday President Biden got off the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away *Marine* guard snapped to attention and saluted, "Nice Pigs, Sir". The President replied, "These are not Pigs. These are Authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice-President Kamala Harris, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. The squared-away Marine guard again snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Excellent trade, Sir". | ||
| Hootowl |
 | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aB2NoAQ | ||
| Hootowl |
Eating too much cake is gluttony, and is a sin. Eating too much pie is fine. The sin of pi is zero. | ||
| Crusty |
There was a can of Glade Fresh Linen Scent air freshener in the bathroom. I sprayed it, sniffed and thought, "Wow; this smells like sheet!" | ||
| Ducbsa |
Deleted (Message edited by ducbsa on July 27, 2021) | ||
| Ducbsa |
Mods vs. Rockers  | ||
| Hootowl |
 | ||
| Xbpete |
 | ||
| Crusty |
I stole this from SportsterPaul on the XL Forum: Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defence attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair. | ||
| 86129squids |
Crusty wins the day already. Thanks, my friend- that one will be forwarded to my sister. I love you guys. | ||
| Crusty |
Also stolen from SportsterPaul: The NILE Virus (Type C) I thought you would want to know about this virus. Even the most advanced computer programs from Norton, McAfee, and others cannot take care of this one. It appears to target those who were born prior to 1955. The lockdown seems to be increasing the chances of being affected! Virus Symptoms 1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that) 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too) 3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup) 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha) 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that) 6. Causes you to hit SEND before you've finished. (Oh no, not again) 7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that) 8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Heck, now what?) This virus is called the C-NILE virus! A lot of us have already been inflicted with this deadly disease and unfortunately as we age it gets worse. And if you can't admit to doing any of the above, you've obviously caught the other strain - the D-NILE virus | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aO3WLjM | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/awMpR6y Aussies! | ||
| 86129squids |
I remember that one, Crusty, definitely worth repeating. Actually, Ctrl-P now. Thanks again, my friend. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/arMQPqK | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aMKgjDx | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/av5NqLW Thai commercial. Safe  | ||
| Xbpete |
  | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/a27enO9 I'll try that on my sister's new puppy. She spent more than I did on every motorcycle I've owned, except my Cyclone ( bought new ) and picked out the one that ran head first into the puppy pen wall on the breeder's video. I expect him to have them fully trained soon. |
