| Author | Message | ||
     Daddio |
For years, I questioned the efficacy of orthopedic shoes; but today, I stand corrected. | ||
| Crusty |
Two Glasgow women on a bus were fighting bitterly over the last available seat. The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene. The bus driver who had been listening, shouted to the conductor "Let the ugly one take the seat.”" Both women stood for the rest of the journey ! ?? | ||
| Hootowl |
How do you know whether to pee or poop? It’s a process of elimination. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/ayeZnDq | ||
| Hootowl |
I finally landed a gig as an actor in an adult film. I play the husband who leaves for work. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aqnBp4R | ||
| Aesquire |
https://xkcd.com/2375/ | ||
| Aesquire |
https://xkcd.com/2375/ | ||
| Hootowl |
Helpful tip: Produce small statues of Mohamed if you want to make a little profit. | ||
| Ourdee |
Funny stuff Jeff. Want to help me make a Muhammad comic book? | ||
| Hootowl |
My brand of funny doesn’t include being intentionally insulting and confrontational, so, no thank you.  | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aQdDrnw | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aQdDrnw Rude & provative is one thing, suicidal another. (Message edited by Aesquire on October 28, 2020) | ||
| Pwnzor |
My brand of funny doesn’t include being intentionally insulting and confrontational, so, no thank you. Says the guy making jokes about The False Prophet | ||
| Hootowl |
One was a pun. The other wasn’t even a joke. I get his point, as I’m sure you do, but humor wasn’t the thrust of it. This is the joke thread, no? | ||
| Pwnzor |
I figure Jesus had a great sense of humor. So too the False Prophet should be able to take a joke, no? I got your point, but my point is that we're all pretty aware that certain people would take offense to any mention of the False Prophet in anything other than deference. I doubt there is anybody in this audience who fits that description, but you never know. | ||
| Aesquire |
I AM OFFENDED!!!!! by myself, I accidentally posted the same link. Oops. There's a thread for discussion of humor and irony in the faith in question. Meanwhile... 2020!!! https://9gag.com/gag/aP7VLwq | ||
| Hootowl |
Never tell a dog a knock knock joke. It just barks at you. | ||
| Crusty |
 | ||
| Crusty |
6 Inches A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches I'd get it!" A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I'd get it!" A hunter thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear!" A mouse thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I'll steal the cheese off the hunter's sandwich!" A cat thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I'll get that mouse!" Suddenly, it all happened...... The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed and fell in the water!!! The Moral Of This Story Is....... Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet. | ||
| Glitch |
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw it was good. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again saw it was good. On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good. On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch... | ||
| Ourdee |
wolf | ||
| Ourdee |
- Dave was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died. Dave wanted two things: • to learn how to invest his inheritance and, • to find a wife to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away ho "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Two weeks later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at estate planning than men… | ||
| Hootowl |
I ate a kid’s meal at McDonalds today. His mother was pissed. | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Pwnzor |
OMG... Pete! | ||
| Crusty |
Pete wins again! | ||
| Xbpete |
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| Hootowl |
I bought a chicken to make sandwiches, but all it does is poop on the floor. | ||
| Pwnzor |
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