| Author | Message | ||
     Sifo |
My family tells me they want a cat for Christmas. Most people want a turkey, but hey, whatever makes them happy. Q: How do you milk sheep? A: Introduce a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it. | ||
| Sifo |
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| Hootowl |
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi. | ||
| 86129squids |
Thank you guys for the gut laughs. Only if I cried would I sleep better. | ||
| Hootowl |
Just got back from a 50 Cent concert. Nickleback opened. The tickets were $0.45. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/a9RRvV0 | ||
| Crusty |
Husband: “I changed a light bulb today. ” Wife: “ That's it? I did the laundry, vacuumed the house, washed windows, cooked three meals, and the list goes on and on ... And you changed a single light bulb?” Husband: “Yep, that’s what I did today. Watch this; I filmed me doing it.” | ||
| Zacks |
3/4 of the way up and I gotta pee. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://babylonbee.com/news/motorcycle-that-identi fies-as-bicycle-sets-world-cycling-record | ||
| Ducbsa |
I assume he only goes up on a no-wind day. | ||
| Sifo |
Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record I'm not sure if that's hilarious or just sad. | ||
| 86129squids |
"3/4 of the way up and I gotta pee." 4/4 up, I'd just shit my pants. What, no base jump after that?! | ||
| Aesquire |
A college buddy worked his way through school painting those. He base jumped when he could get away with it. | ||
| Hootowl |
It has to be easier going up knowing you’re wearing a ‘chute. | ||
| Ourdee |
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| Crusty |
Now, that's funny; right there! | ||
| Aesquire |
It has to be easier going up knowing you’re wearing a ‘chute. Actually he'd climb up, painting as he went, using a rope to haul up more paint as needed. Then when done, he'd let down the paint can & gear, and haul up the 'chute. I'm not comfortable on a cliff edge unless I'm geared up and ready to fly, or roped up and ready to help launch. High wind launches are best with a "wire man" holding the nose wires to stabilize the glider. If you get the angles wrong the wind will actually accelerate the glider off the cliff, before the pilot is ready, and at the wrong AOA to fly properly. Antenna jumping is one of those things I can see the attraction, but won't do. | ||
| Hootowl |
I bungee jumped from a hot air balloon once. It was the most terrified I’ve been in my life. And I was in my early 20s, back when I was still immortal. | ||
| Aesquire |
I think that officially makes you an adult if you are from a New Guinea tribe that uses hot air balloons.  The original bungee jumping is a coming of age ritual. One important aspect is choosing your own length of vine to tie to the tower and ankles. If you listen to the elders, you should be ok. Thus it's a test, not just of bravery, but also judgment, and willingness to listen to advice from the older ones in your tribe. Lots of subtle social engineering in a coming of age ritual. It's a pity there are few modern versions. Not in American culture. Bar Mitzvah, although not as much today because of legal customs. You aren't an adult by secular law after, but it's still a cultural thing. When I was younger confirmation was a bigger event than it seems to be now, but even then it was a coming of age in a limited church context. Personally, I consider "manhood" as a combination of factors. You aren't "a man" until your heart has been broken, & you can buy feminine hygiene products without embarrassment.  True anecdote. Guy at supermarket checkout with candy & tampons. Adolescent idiot snickers. Girl at register remarks guy at least has a girlfriend. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aO07DZr | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/a4R35q1 | ||
| 86129squids |
"True anecdote. Guy at supermarket checkout with candy & tampons. Adolescent idiot snickers. Girl at register remarks guy at least has a girlfriend."  | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/aBgmXmN I swear it's true.. girls appreciate maturity. | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/ad5Vexj | ||
| Mnscrounger |
One 2 AM after the birth of our first child I was in a Walgreens buying feminine pads and a breast pump, (Baby boy wasn't consuming at a rate commensurate with current production levels). The nice elderly, (actually probably my age now) just said " Congratulations, boy or girl?". I no longer mind buying "girl stuff", as long as I get a box top to make sure I get the correct replacement item. Apparently there are not so subtle differences. I liken those differences to the driver head configuration of machine screws. Sure it does the same thing, and it might even fit, but its different for a valid reason. | ||
| Hootowl |
Box top. Brilliant. I’ve been sent back. Now I’m returning a box of feminine hygiene products. | ||
| Aesquire |
Nicely phrased. I learned I need to buy the rounded plastic low drag models,not the squared off cardboard versions. And there are brand name differences. Basically, get Snap-on, not Harbor freight. I've got a Harbor Freight pliers set that pinches and is rough to operate. All things are not the same. Another anecdote. I'm at Sam's Club, and I see a college student ( male ) with the giant sized bale of sub generic sand paper toilet tissue. I remarked he should buy the multiply soft stuff, since his choice was not much cheaper, but horrible to the skin. He told me he had been tasked to buy for his dorm mates, and %$&# them, resentment to unwanted responsibility and cost. "Yeah, I get that, but it's your butt too. You'd rather have a raw burning butt & be hated than be a hero?" Yep. He would. I see a future for that young man in a hazing ritual. Insert prediction of political party affiliation here. | ||
| Ourdee |
Insert prediction of political party affiliation here. No need. There are inconsiderate, selfish, brain damaged people in all the parties. Why wouldn't you call them parties? | ||
| Aesquire |
https://9gag.com/gag/ap5NV8n Coming out of the closet 2030 | ||
| 86129squids |
Some people cry at parties. Whether or not they want to. |
