I had a stinkbug explode on my upper lip, and splatter up into my nostril while riding in the Texas panhandle. I couldn't eat for over eight hours after that.
I've made errors with exercise equipment too. Although there is an editorial that equates an old, slow, guy failing on a speed bag with his ideological incapacity to tell reality from fantasy. Bit of a stretch...
My nemesis in exercise equipment is the elliptical machine! Before I had new knees installed, the dang things would wrench the daylights out of them. Haven't tried to break the new titanium models on one, & don't intend to.
My favorite is rowing machines. The expensive ones that use a water brake, offering the gentle sound of a boat through water... Although it makes me have a sudden urge, like the sound of running water when I do dishes. Psychological, I know, but real.
There are a bunch of videos out there with a punching bag arcade game that gives a score on how hard you hit. Divided between girls getting high scores and macho men getting low. Love to see politicians take on one.
Don't count out an elliptical just yet. They have different "strides" - different arcs, different stride lengths. When I got mine, I went to Sports Authority when they were closing down to look at a cheap, couple-hundred dollar one. Felt like crap. Tried a bunch of different units there on the floor, and - naturally - the one that worked for me was the $1400 one.
Even with my rebuilt legs and hip, I still use it.
For my rower, I have (I'm pretty sure, have to check it tonight) a LifeCore R100, air and magnetic resistance. I got hooked on rowing machines when visiting my parents in FL and not having my elliptical there (I had to do SOMEthing). They had the LifeCore's and they worked great for me. Came home, and - once again - bought a cheaper model at Dick's. Even on max, it had no resistance at all, I could use my pinky to pull it. So...returned that one and got the LifeCore. I do 1,000 M a day, after work. Had a small heart episode first weekend of August (collapsed in my kitchen), so I was taking it easy - level 8, interval program, (10) sets of 100M with :30 between sets. My 500M times were 2:01 and 2:04 for the first and second half. Last night...1:43 and 1:44. MUCH better. I used to run on level 10, but got out of it last summer when I hit bambi; this spring I started on the mountain bike instead of rowing, but after the heart thing I'm shy about that (8 miles, 800' elevation change, 25 min, 450 calories, once a day)...but I'm about ready to go back up to 9 on the rower and keep crankin' at it. The fan works well for cooling off, the magnetic resistance works AMAZING (I think it will go up to 14 or 18), and the only real complaint I have is the crappy seat. Around the 8th set...my ass bones are KILLING me. Needs a gel pad or something...but it's got a lot of nice preset activities and a good enough display, and I've been using it with no mechanical issues for about five years now.
This is on my list to buy, & stick into an old Grumman canoe for river & lake fun. It'll cost more than the canoe. The advantage is your mass stays relatively stable, so the boat doesn't pitch much.
And it was pretty much immediately outlawed for competition, as it gives an unfair advantage.
That looks pretty slick, but the nearest lake to me (lake-let, really) is a "no boats" park setting. And, you have to load the canoe, drive somewhere, unload the canoe...I'm too old for that stuff. Rower? I walk into the basement, turn on the TV so I can get angry at the news (for adrenaline), crank up the surround sound with some Primus, or Rage, or Ozzy (also for adrenaline)...and just go nuts for 8:30 or so.
Under 9 minutes total (including the :30 breaks between 100M sets), calorie burn in the 200-210 range, HR when I get off the seat 160, HR after 3 min cooldown 120, and my times keep getting faster. Not hateful for an old fart.
I'm surrounded by lakes. Ontario is only good for a canoe on the calmest days, also an hour to the nearest dock. But I have my choice of Finger Lakes, and a serious river, with countless creeks to explore. The Genesee is no Missouri, but few rivers are. Back in college we'd rent a canoe downtown Rochester, not far upstream from a dam/falls, and jam upriver, hugging the banks until exhausted, with side trips up likely creeks, then drift back to the docks.
These days I tend to drop a vehicle in Genesseo, and drive to Mt. Morris, where a dam forms a barrier, then inflate pool floats, take them & coolers on a drift to the waiting van. About 8 miles by road. More like 30 by river. Takes most of the daylight hours, depending on date. The River's fairly warm by July, but if it's low, you walk half the distance.
I admit my favorite propulsion for canoes has become kites. However, I have no boat today, and am acutely aware of the fundamental truth.
Boat is ancient Sumerian for a hole in the water you throw money into.