| Author | Message | ||
     Crusty |
Bad Chicken In 1987, I was living with my soon to be second wife, and I was also working at a really cold Caisson job in Boston behind the Mass. Eye and Ear Hospital. The reason the job was so cold was that it was surrounded by tall buildings that kept direct sunlight from hitting the site. A caisson for those of you who don’t know is a circular pillar drilled through dirt to the hard rock below. A number of these are put in as the foundation for buildings, where the soil isn’t dense enough to support the weight of the building. Basically, a large crane with a drilling attachment would drill the hole, then we’d fill it with concrete. There are a lot more details, but that’s the general idea. It’s a very wet and muddy job. On this particular job, the Roach Coach (Canteen Truck) was driven by a guy with a lousy attitude. There were quite a few days when he didn’t bother to show up, and even when he did, his food selection was pretty spare. Being cold, wet and hungry, I preferred to get something hot for lunch, so I would frequent the truck, and usually, all he had left were Mrs. Budd’s Chicken Pies, so I ate them a lot. Anyway, as I said, I was living with Nancy and life at home was good. One of my quirks is that I preferred we’d do the grocery shopping together. I think that’s a carry over from when I was a kid and my mom would take me with her on Saturdays. It doesn’t really matter where the habit came from, it’s just one of my characteristics, and every week, Nancy and I would head up to the Waltham Super Market and get our groceries. One week, when we went to fix dinner, we discovered that we’d gotten some chicken that had gone bad, and we had to throw it out. (Boy, did it stink!) A week or two later, Nancy and I had and argument about something, I don’t remember what; but it was grocery night, so we went shopping, even though she was still pissed at me. It was a quiet trip with us just getting what was on the list and not much conversation. We were in the Meat Department, when I dropped an SBD. Those Mrs. Budd pies produced a good bit of gas that unsurprisingly smelled a little bit like chicken that’s gone over to the Dark Side. A couple of seconds later, Nancy stated that she smelled bad chicken, as we were standing beside the case that held packages of chicken, and started picking up packages and sniffing them. I tried to get her to move on, but she was determined to find the bad chicken. Finally, I told her it wasn’t the chicken, and she realized what had happened. She was still mad at me, and literally didn’t know what to do. She was pissed, but she wanted to laugh and the conflict was tearing her up. She resolved it by declaring a heartfelt, “You son of a bitch!” and I got a good laugh out of it. A few years later, a fairly large group of my friends and I rode our bikes to Illinois to see the Springfield Mile. We stopped at a Truck stop for lunch, and I told the story, and we all got a good laugh out of it. After we ate, people were using the bathrooms, and wandering around the place looking at stuff, just relaxing a bit before getting back on our bikes. While wandering through the aisles of truck parts and accessories, I dropped another SBD. I kept wandering and didn’t think anything of it, but Kathryn, who was also wandering through the store noticed a trucker walking down the aisle suddenly stop; and with a horrified expression on his face hurriedly walk away. She didn’t know what was going on, but she sure noticed that trucker. I saw her a minute later, and told her to not go down that aisle because there was some “Bad Chicken” there. She started laughing, and told me about the Trucker. We, of course, told the rest of the group, and the theme for that ride became the Bad Chicken trip. It’s been over 20 years since that happened, but the other day, I saw Kathryn and she brought it up and we still laugh about it. | ||
| Buellish |
Crusty,you always make me laugh.Thanks for that.We can use a little levity around here. | ||
| 86129squids |
Haven't you heard?  I had a leftover beef Chile Relleno with some fishy rice last nite, with similar results... Crusty, glad you find time to share with us! | ||
| Dwardo |
I don't know why I feel compelled to contribute to a SBD thread when there are weightier matters being discussed that I have opinions about, but years ago it was one of my nephews' turns to sleep over at my house. He was sleeping on the floor in front of the TV and my late uncle and I were sitting on the couch. Suddenly, I smelled the worst SBD I have ever experienced, before or since. I knew it wasn't my late dog because his always smelled vaguely like burning hair, just a lot worse, particularly after he went into decline (one time he farted in the bedroom and I had to get up and take a shower just to get the stench out of my nostrils). It was so bad that it was embarrassing, not funny. When a fart isn't funny you know there's a problem. Anyway, I figured my uncle did it and as it turned out later, he figured I did it. It was so bad that neither of us said anything. Later on, after my uncle went home, I smelled it again ... it was my nephew, who was farting in his sleep. I mean, it was really bad. I hastened to call my uncle and told him that the killer fart he may have noticed was not me. He had some choice words. He said it was the worst thing he had ever smelled even though he was on a destroyer in the Korean War and that must have been a fart factory. He said he was embarrassed to say anything but was wondering if there was something wrong with me. So ... anyway that's my fart story. | ||
| Midknyte |
 "When a fart isn't funny you know there's a problem" | ||
| Thumper74 |
I woke up to a terrible stench one night. I looked for one of the dogs to kick out of the bed. No dog. No cat. I had woken myself up with a Dutch Oven. | ||
| Ltbuell |
..they're worse in the shower(expecially the rotten egg or broccoli).....but they resonate the best in there....or a very quiet restroom in one of the stalls...i prefer to "share" as i was taught by my mom...maybe not in that particular sense,but i have to.You can win on three scales....smell,hang time,noise ...have a small fizz or a fazz,even a fizz fazz,and get the big score on noise or smell...then there is the rip sh*t,or a tear as*,maybe a snorter...and of course the ever sneaky woosh...you can have lots of sound,not much smell...but loads of hang time to scare 'em out of the room.....thank you George Carlin....hate the ones that make you believe you "pooped" in your pants,etc....but nope just some "fermented foul air" that permeated and took up residence in your pants or sweat pants...give 'em the carpet bomb special...no crop dusting   ..they're amusing as to how all that energy can come out that orifice and make the sounds that it does...a unique "instrument",if you will, that isn't really duplicated,sans the smell.....farting is fun.....face it.Most people get a good laugh from that event...unless you're a very "stuffy" individual that has a/or no sense of humor at all...too bad.I'll side on the humor side of life....that's my story and i'm stickin' to it......so there.......catch it and paint it green | ||
| Midknyte |
>they're worse in the shower There's a reason for that - our human sense of smell, not the greatest in the animal kingdom, is aided by heat and moisture. More than you want to know, here... http://www.heptune.com/farts.html | ||
| 86129squids |
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| Ltbuell |
http://www.heptune.com/farts.html..great site.....   ..a favorite one for reference...like i said before....farting is fun...... | ||
| Midknyte |
For anyone else who has wondered, if I can smell his fart, am I smelling his germs too? Yer clear to enjoy it ;p http://www.sciencealert.com/features/20140509-2613 2.html | ||
| Gunut75 |
I come from a long line of excellent farters.  | ||
| Ltbuell |
..you know when it's the creme of the crop...when you "carpet bomb" yourself out of the area..... | ||
| U4euh |
Why is it when you feel a SBD coming on in the store, look for a nice secluded aisle to let said SBD fly, and 30 seconds later the most attractive member of the opposite sex needs something on that same aisle? I mean if I could find a way to record all the strangers reactions, I'd be making money on Youtube!!! Farts are funny, don't care who you are!! | ||
| Ltbuell |
...+1 to farts ARE funny...just something about the "tone and tune" that one exhibits...or someone else's. I've even "heard" a few from the female persuasion that got a good chuckle. | ||
| 86129squids |
My Basenji regularly likes to curl up next to his "Mama" and gas her/us off the couch... such a beautiful dog, but such a toxic stench! OK, now I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool. | ||
| Midknyte |
So yeah. Helium farts do sound funny. Er, funnier... http://www.reddit.com/r/shittyaskscience/comments/ 16v339/if_i_put_helium_in_my_ass_will_my_farts_be_ high/ | ||
| Dwardo |
Some people don't think they're funny, apparently. I have two friends who are brothers, and their farts are always silent, and aside from my nephew and my poor dog, smell worse than any farters I have encountered. I mean, they reek. One time I was sitting at a bar with the both of them to my right and some little hottie I didn't know to my left when one of them cut loose. When the stench reached said little hottie she wrinkled her nose up like a bunny rabbit and looked at me. I wasn't taking the rap. I pointed their way and said "it was one of those guys". I'm not taking the rap for that one. |
