| Author | Message | ||
     Thumper74 |
So, my wife and I just had our fourth anniversary, but things aren't great. We were talking the other night and she announced that we should talk about a getting a divorce. It's been a long time coming... So, I just paid off the Buell last week and was wondering about budget oriented touring bikes. I've narrowed it down to a used Buell Xb12XT or Sprint ST. Or a new NC700X or a Versys. I know the Xt and ST pretty well. Does anyone have any experience with the two new comers? | ||
| Littlebuggles |
Thump, Bad news man, sorry to hear about it. I don't understand why you are going to buy a bike if you have the expense of a divorce in your future. That will be stressful enough to go through, perhaps adding financial stress to the mix might not help with things? Sometimes talking about divorce is enough to help consider the reality of your situation and help tune things up in a relationship as well. Other things came along to force us to work it out as well, but if we hadn't begun discussions it would have been done and over in a hurry when I reached that point. If I had just moved out four years ago my marriage would have ended, instead I told her I wanted to be done and that helped her realize where we were and things needed work. Good luck brother, anyway, if you are looking at trading in for an all around do everything bike instead of a car for transportation I know I'd consider the Uly for that sort of service if I had to make do with one vehicle and it was gonna be a bike. | ||
| Boogiman1981 |
Batten down the hatches. it will likely not be as simple as you may be thinking it will be now even if you have a pre-nup. | ||
| Glitch |
Batten down the hatches. Get an attorney! If you have children get a moderator, they'll make sure y'all aren't putting them in the middle of a shit storm they don't deserve or understand. If you don't have children, still, get an attorney. As far as bikes go, get them all! | ||
| Fltwistygirl |
"Or a new NC700X or a Versys. I know the Xt and ST pretty well. Does anyone have any experience with the two new comers?" I've demoed the Versys and found it to be a comfortable riding position but a bit buzzy. Rode a wee strom that same day and preferred it. I've heard the buzziness was remedied the next year. The NC700X is a bike I've had recent exposure to as my riding pal in Minnesota just bought one. Pros: Reliable, proven design, locking hard bags, good mpgs, comfortable. Cons: Compared to a Buell (esp Uly XT), lack of torque, small in size, less comfortable seat for passenger, requires valve adjustments, expensive plastics to replace in event of a crash. Good luck with your marriage. I hope you can sort things out because rarely is there a divorce that does not turn ugly. People seem to enjoy getting in the mud when these things happen. +1000 "Get an attorney!" If you cannot work it out with your wife, do a search with your states Bar Association to check for complaints on any attorney you are considering before you retain him/her. Get the best you can afford, they are worth their weight in gold when the chips are down. Expect the process to take longer and be more expensive than you plan. Also, get a counselor and work thru the emotional stuff at the counselors office so you do not need to pay an attorney $400 an hour to purge your sad/angry feelings there. Unfortunately I've had five people who are dear to me go thru this in the past few years. It's never easy. God bless. | ||
| Sifo |
I demoed a NC700x when they came out. It would barely be adequate for one up touring. Performance was very lackluster though. I was expecting more from a 700 cc Honda. The hare bags are also not removable. This does allow them to maximize the storage inside, but they are still not big. I picked up a used Sprint ST almost a year ago. I wasn't sure how much I would like it though. Turns out I put 15K miles on it in less than a year! I'm liking it more than I would have ever thought. The valve adjustments are a PITA though. They usually don't go out of spec until the 24K mile service though. They still get checked every 12K though. I just did the adjustment on mine last week (my wife's Street Triple too). The seat is comfy, but can get hot. I've got the "heat kit" installed (became standard on later models). I also wrapped the exhaust where it come up the back side of the engine right to the muffler under the seat. Just before our last trip I took some leftover exhaust wrap and taped together a blanket for under the seat with aluminum tape (be aware of the battery terminals!). After doing those things I did 5,800 miles going out to California and back earlier this month. We had heat over 105 on more than one day and heat from the seat was never a problem. There are numerous complaints about the voltage regulators with the Sprint ST. Mine left me stranded in Michigan's upper peninsula for 4 days over a weekend. Better regulators are available from Ricks Motorsport Electrics. They really saved my bacon; I called them about 5:00 their time on Friday as they were about to go home for the weekend. My new regulator still showed up on Monday! If there's any chance counseling may patch your relationship back together, it may well be worth it. All relationships go through rough patches. Next month will make 27 years for us, and there were times that I felt as you described. I'm glad we worked it out. If you go the divorce route, the lawyers will be the ones that make out well. I won't pretend to be able to tell you your best option, but I would try to keep divorce as the last option you try. I hope you both have better times ahead how ever you work things out. | ||
| Fltwistygirl |
"Performance was very lackluster though. I was expecting more from a 700 cc Honda." That is what my friend said exactly. He has nicknamed his "the pooch" because it is such a dog. In his case it is definitely the indian not the arrow because when riding solo, he holds his own on the twisty bits on that lil poochie. IMHO it is rarely a positive sign when you are already talking about your new dream bike so soon after acquiring the current. When we rode together in June, less than two months after acquiring the pooch, he mentioned getting a goldwing or an ST 1300 as soon as poochie was paid for. But that could be more for the benefit of his new GF who may be unhappy with the pillion situation on the pooch. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Ural - two wheel drive, enough room for a command tent and disappearing for a year. You would be surprised how many divorces have caused motorcycles.... and how many motorcycles have caused divorces. I networked with three divorce attn's when I was at Harley - it was a very lucrative association for our sides of the equation. | ||
| Daves |
Sorry to hear. Don't wish divorce on anyone. If it goes like mine have, you won't have any money for bikes for a long time. I won't live long enough to make up for the financial loss. Get a lawyer Get EVERYTHING you want out of the house! | ||
| Jon |
Four years married and a divorce has been a long time coming? Why don't you log off and take a run and figuring out your issues. Go back to where your heart was at when you married her in the first place. Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but there it is. | ||
| Strokizator |
If you needed an operation you'd go to a surgeon. If your getting a divorce then hire an attorney. I've seen lot's of people say they didn't need one, that the soon-to-be-exwife wasn't causing any problems. Then a couple of years down the road your doing pretty good and she decides she wants a piece of it. Or she walks away from the house because it isn't worth anything right now but a couple of years later, well you get the picture. My first piece of advice is try to patch things up. Divorce is a last resort. Marriage isn't easy but it is a worthwhile endeavor. Take it seriously. After you've done all you can, then go to court. | ||
| Johnnylunchbox |
Not trying to make light of your situation, but your original post reads like the man advice column. "Thinking about divorce, so guys, what bike should I get." I sincerely hope whatever course you decide, that everything turns out alright. Best of luck. | ||
| 86129squids |
Well, Thump- so far you've got a good amount of advice- I've not ever been married, but I've been with my GF for over 6 years now... sometimes folks can be talking to me and say "your wife", and I just let it flow. She might as well be, and that's that. I'd think about a counselor/mediator. They surely cost less than lawyer's fee$$$$, and should be a good first step. If you're so inclined, go have a session with your pastor or chaplain. Once you've talked it ALL out, you and your wife both must make an assessment of things, and agree to go forward, or, not. Here's an idea: Given all your posts on the Jeepin' thread, see if she'd be willing to spend a long weekend out muddin' in the boonies, near a good swimming hole/creek/river, with all the good grub and provisions needed, and see what happens. Maybe let her drive a bit. Try to make lawyerin' up the last option. This ride around on the big blue marble won't last, try to do it with the folks that you love and appreciate. It aint easy finding a good partner, much less a great one. I simply got lucky. It's up to me to make that luck work, for me and for her. | ||
| Sifo |
Of course if you MUST lawyer up, there is this bit of advice I've heard. Consult with all the best lawyers you possibly can. This prevents those lawyers from being able to take on the spouse as a client due to a conflict of interest. Consultations are normally free, so it only costs you time. | ||
| Mtjm2 |
Thump, I dont want to sound one sided , though as Daves said . New bike and DIVORCE ! I can see her point. Mark | ||
| Ourdee |
Thump, Did she say she wants a divorce or to TALK about a divorce? It's like he said she said. I think she meant "We need to work on a problem We are having". I'm taking a lot of liberty here; Ask her if she really wants a divorce or to get your attention focused on "us". Would you still marry the woman you met over 4 years ago? It's a lot of work. If you go for the divorce, don't share an attorney. I know a sorry sap that did. If both of you are going to work on the relationship, get outside help. | ||
| Rotzaruck |
I don't have any advice as far as the actual question you asked. I have experienced almost two divorces though. The first was after 20 years and, I think, truly unsalvageable. The second was a long year of trying to kill each other and get divorced. Fortunately it just didn't work out. It's like any other fight, there are no winners. I think you need to sit down and play like you are your wife and try to read that post with her mind. It looks to me like you need to forget about bikes and fix your life and your marriage, most of them can be fixed. Like I said, that's not what you asked, but it's what I had to tell you. Cause I care. Try praying about it. I will have both of you on my list tonight. Rotzaruck! | ||
| Zane |
My divorce was just over 3 years ago. My advice to you is to work you ass off to fix your marriage. Don't expect her to do all the work. Go to marriage counseling, meet with your religious leader, what ever it takes. It means not only talking but LISTENING too. Listening and action on both your parts is required. If you think she has to do all the work then you’ve already failed. After you've made an honest and sincere effort to save your marriage then you can talk about divorce. If it does come to a divorce, get your own lawyer and get a good one. It’s going to cost you’re a lot but it’s not optional. There is an old saying that you never really know some one until you’ve lived with them. I humbly submit that you don’t really know some one until you’ve been through a divorce with them. The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers. | ||
| Mnrider |
Squids gave some good advice. Go spend some real time together,camping or a long vacation together just the two of you. I've been married for over 30 years and at times we both wanted to throw in the towel. For our kids sake I really want to make it work. Divorce is just too common these days. | ||
| Swampy |
The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers. Bastards! The whole lot of them, Bastards! | ||
| Boogiman1981 |
"If it does come to a divorce, get your own lawyer and get a good one. It’s going to cost you’re a lot but it’s not optional. There is an old saying that you never really know some one until you’ve lived with them. I humbly submit that you don’t really know some one until you’ve been through a divorce with them. The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers." This. i thought i knew my ex i thought i knew her well. what learned is that i never really knew her. i also think the statement she made about wanting to talk about divorce was perhaps a cry for help. i like to think i am happier now however there is a huge hole compounded by some seriously selfish childish foolish actions on my part once we decided to get divorced. i was told by my grandparents to give 60 and expect 40 i forgot that piece of wisdom that and many other errors cost me dearly. short of abuse/violence i think that with the right help pretty much any marriage can be saved if the persons involved are willing to look beyond their own hurt. | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
I hope it's a joke. | ||
| Doz |
Be very careful. When I got divorced I had two bikes. During my single years the number of bikes went to 10. Needless to say there wasn't much sex going on but at my age the bikes were a good replacement : ) | ||
| Ratbuell |
Be careful. Talk. Listen. My marriage ended not quite a year ago. There is still a huge hole where my marriage used to be. I was marrying once, like my parents, and forever. She...had other ideas and acted on them. In a way, her actions made it easier - galvanized me that she wasn't the right person for me, and gave me the upper hand when it came to the dogs (I didn't split up the pack). I am in a place now that I never dreamed I'd be in. It's a good place...but it is still alien in some ways because it is 180 degrees from where I ever expected to be. Did we both make mistakes? Sure. But our failure to talk and try to understand early enough led to her making the ultimate mistake. And that was that. If you can save it, save it. You married her for a reason. People do change, though, and sometimes those changes don't fit each other. If that is the case, and you've exhausted ALL other options...protect yourself. Draft a separation agreement NOW, while things are relatively amiable. Sometimes putting it in black and white makes it "real" enough to scare you/her straight, but even if it doesn't...at least its on paper before things get ugly. Don't hurt out of spite. Don't be shallow or mean. Don't be vindictive. Be honest, strong, and stand your ground. Protect yourself, do the right thing...and the rest will follow. Wherever this path takes you. My heart goes out to you - this is not an easy time for anyone, and after what I went through I wouldn't wish it on anyone. | ||
| Nallac |
+1 to what RatBuell said, i'm in the exactly same boat as him. About the same timing aswell..... But for your most important question... Buy the XB12XT.... | ||
| Kenm123t |
My divorce was very expensive! But It was WORTH EVERY PENNY ! Long Story but there were criminal actions by her and her brother that I would not stand for Not in my house | ||
| Psykick_machanik |
well said RatBuell. I went threw the same thing and couldnt agree more with him. | ||
| Thumper74 |
Sorry I didn't get back to this sooner... It's been a long four years. We've done the marriage counseling thing. More than once. The divorce has been brought up more than once and a lot during the past few weeks. She thinks that divorce is the best chance at long term happiness for both us. Sometimes I think so too, but I went into it with different expectations. My parents have been married for 43 years this month. I'm not bad mouthing her at all, I think she just affirmed what we've both been thinking. The motorcycle thing was sort of a joke, but it's been on my mind. | ||
| Dj66ftw |
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving. | ||
| Fltwistygirl |
"The motorcycle thing was sort of a joke, but it's been on my mind." You know, that's ok. Most of us here have been thru some recent crap storms and the badweb is (for some) a positive diversion. And as long as we are talking about bikes, why not a new triumph tiger 800? Not ridden one yet, but I have sat on one and all geared up with bags for solo riding I'd say yay. |
