| Author | Message | ||
     M2statz |
TRUE CONFESSIONS OF BOB............................................... ............ > > >>RETIRED HUSBAND >> > After I retired, my wife Vicki insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women she loves to browse. >> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target: >> >> Dear Mrs. Harris, >> >> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: >> >> 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. >> >> 2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. >> >> 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. >> >> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that, in turn, resulted in a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. >> >> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. >> >> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. >> >> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged. >> >> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. >> >> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. >> > 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. >> >>11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. >> >> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. >> >> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' >> >> 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' >> >> 15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where is the fitting room? >> >> And last, but not least: >> 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' >> >> One of the clerks passed out. | ||
| Kyrocket |
I've seen that before and it's still funny. I used to work retail clothing in college. Thank goodness the statute of limitations has run out. | ||
| 86129squids |
 M2, thanks for sharing- gotta love BW humor! | ||
| Cityxslicker |
not said guy, but I have been banned from 3 toys 'R' us from behavior in the riding aisle, 1 big wheel, 1 razor scooter, on Gator ride on this was highschool, I imagine I am clear to reoffend. | ||
| Natexlh1000 |
That is a classic. I can't remember the first time I read it but I'm pretty sure it was over 10 years ago. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
There used to be a department store in Cambridge with an elevator for customers. Sometimes on a busy saturday a few of us would cause havoc by taking it in turns to be "elevator boy". I got a good talking to from the wife a few years back as well. She works for the French equivalent of Home Depot sortathing. Myself & a mate who was staying the weekend were in the store & found that somebody had inadvertantly left a gas can with a couple of litres in next to the generators. You can guess the rest.  |
