| Author | Message | ||
     P47b |
I was looking for a half way decent chili recipe and came across this. I couldn't stop laughing.... I'm still looking for a recipe . Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3." Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT .... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snowcone. CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 - No Report | ||
| 86129squids |
 Got a good laugh outta that, thanks buddy! The GF and I have sprouted a ghost pepper plant- also, we've got 2 small fruits, seeded and frozen, waiting to use for *some* kind of recipe...  We've got wet, cold weather going on here today- might get busy and work up some chili, now that I'm thinking about it... | ||
| Ltbuell |
..P47b.....goooooood one.Don't trip over judge#3.Lt | ||
| Xdigitalx |
ghost pepper plant??? they are expensive... and way too freaking HOT for me. A good idea for a plant if you like them. I use ghost peppers in my home made pepper spray concoction for the squirrels getting into my attic. I spray inside the attic and on the gutter and entry way they use to get in every couple days. I made 2 gallons and use a gallon size Roundup pesticide sprayer. Seems to be working and is fun to watch when they get some. | ||
| Tbolt98 |
That's good... I've been known to make some killer chili... just did yesterday in fact, but i have never used a recipe so i can't help you there! | ||
| 86129squids |
Xdigital- we've got a friend who seems to have good results growing them- she personally has no use for hot stuff, so we end up with the fruit. The day we split and seeded one, my GF was doing the same to some jalapenos and banana peppers to make cream cheese and chicken poppers- I mentioned to her that since she already had on the gloves and was working on the other peppers, we should go ahead and prep/freeze the ghost... once she'd split and seeded it, out of curiosity I just licked the freshly cut edge of one half... EGAD. It actually started with a taste kinda like a sweet red bell... then the radioactive rods were slowly raised from the cooling pool- THAT was a HOTT experience. Of course, duly impressed by then, a few beers later I decided to nibble on the tip of a half, much like one would do to one's fingernail... multiply the first experience by 10 or better. There's a reason the Indonesian gov't uses these peppers for elephant control and chemical warfare... interesting that you've used them to control tree rats. I tried something similar in an attempt to keep them out of the birdseed- I mixed in cayenne and red pepper flakes to a few batches of fresh seed for my feeders- had one observation that it might've worked, but not really- maybe if we can grow enough later this year, I can try what you've done. BTW- I do have a fair number of seeds, if the USPS didn't mind I'd send ya some. | ||
| Aesquire |
package them like nuclear waste, minimum 3 layers of ziplock, place that in another ziplock with roasted coffee beans, then seal in a sturdy box. Packed to remain centered. If you have a food saver, use it. Twice. Oh! Chile Seeds! Same advice. ( really it's just to protect the drug sniffer dogs. ) P47b, http://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipes/detail. php?docid=26819 Consider it a start point. Chili is, properly done, a work of art. It's your soul, and taste buds, so you must personalize. Frankly, Carroll Shelby's mix is actually a good start point. Now, some will flame me for this, but ignore Texas Competition Chili. The rules usually eliminate any trace of originality as to ingredients. They tend to look exactly the same, with flavor packets tossed in at certain intervals while cooking. It's all about the blending of the pepper.... Bogus. Tasty, but deliberately limited. It's a judged sport.. like Ice Dancing. The judges don't want to be distracted by the size of the Onion bits, etc. Frankly, having had chili many places, I now consider Texas Competition Chili (TCC) as they do up here in Rochester. Hot sauce. Something you put on hot dogs and Burgers. Don't get me wrong, I like TCC, but like more variety in ingredients, texture, and Meat. Only a few words of advice. Use a nice ale or lager if using beer. Avoid stouts and Esp. Guinness, as it will make the chili bitter. ( save the hard core dark beers for yourself... but use one you wouldn't be afraid/ashamed to actually drink. ) A cast Iron Dutch oven is a wonderful tool for this job. Sear the meat, in batches, reclaim the fond, ( beer or water to deglaze ) get all the beans, etc. mixed up, then cook in oven. Some use foil to seal the lid better, others like to concentrate the flavors with evaporation, your call. Experiment. have fun. Be sure the exhaust fan in bathroom is functional. | ||
| P47b |
Thanks Aesquire!! Carroll Shelby's Is our second pick for mixes. Six-gun is what the whole family likes best. I was persuaded to try to make a copy of six-gun when I started this. Our grocer has decided that Kroger brand was better and removed most of the other brand off the shelf. Including Carroll Shelby's and Six-gun. Most of the recipes that I have found on line are for competition chili. If you have been eating really hot Chili all day, it might stand out. I like the idea of having a powder spice mix that I can throw in instead of having to buy something off the store shelf that is frozen or prepackaged. When we go on road trips and want to cook in the hotel we have something small and just have to get a few things to make it work. (Message edited by p47b on January 10, 2012) | ||
| Gunut75 |
Carroll Shelby's is what my family has been using for years. I'll have to try the Six-gun. I go to an annual chili cook-off every year here in SE Wisconsin. Yes, it IS an art. Some are HORRIBLE while others you just can't put down the spoon to stop eating the stuff. Me, being a HUGE fan of HOT food (Indian cuisine is delicious) have to try a ghost pepper. Never had one........ Reminds me of when I was a teenager (1992 or so) I paid a kid $5 to eat a 3/4" diameter habanero pepper. He got 2 chews in and started slowing down. Sweats, short breath, druell, the whole 9 yards. We could hear his stomach grumbling from across the room, but he earned the $5. Only later did we find out the potential harm we could have subjected this young feller to. Hot stuff like that can land an intolerant person in the ER.  | ||
| Aesquire |
Slow cookers do a good job too. That means on a road trip, a hot plate, fry pan and slow cooker ( plus tools ) should do the job. Hmm. I agree on the powder mix being handier by far. Packs smaller, long shelf life. While my Mom's chili uses ground beef, my chili crazed buddy uses bite size chunks. ( and he uses Carroll Shelby, or Bruce's mix. With more spices tossed in. Much handier than bringing a spice rack on trips... ) Basic idea is to sear the meat, brown onions, etc, to get flavor & caramelization, ( I like onions of notable size in my chili ) then deglaze with beer to capture that flavor for the chili. Then long slow cooking to tenderize meat and beans. ( and beans is a whole argument, regional And philosophical ) But you can even go vegetarian or with ground turkey. A panade with bread and soy sauce is the trick for ground turkey... http://www.cookscountry.com/recipes/detail/27186 | ||
| Cowboy |
I make my chilie from scrach as I have been married to a indonesion lady for the past 42 yrs my chilie is to hot for most. also I use a lot of spices from far east. | ||
| Guell |
always made mine from scratch too, no packets here. Ive used lagers, and most recently a chocolate bock in the chilli, that was very tasty. | ||
| Xdigitalx |
I made quick chili a few times from a couple combined recipes I found online but, I didn't use my crockpot, I used a large pan. I browned the meat, removed it then kinda stirfry the chopped green pepper, onion and added the browned meat, then chili powder, cumin & some other spices and Black, Kidney and pinto beans and tomato paste. After about 10 mins of cooking I added the chopped habanero peppers then let it simmer for about an hour. Sometimes adding more peppers and spices then the last 10 min of cooking I add Honey to taste... kind of a honey hot chili. I know cooking in a crockpot may yield tastier results but I like it fresh retaining as much nutrients as possible. I may try it in the crock pot and let it simmer all day next time. | ||
| Whistler |
My butcher vacuum packs and sells the lean tips he cuts off of rib eyes. I use it for beef and rice as well as chili meat. Sear it up with a little bacon, onion, and garlic. Add diced tomatoes, more onion, and spices. Cook it low and slow for 4-5 hours. Not cricket around here to have beans in the chili but OK to have some pintos simmered with jalapeno and bacon along with crackers and rat cheese on the side if you like. | ||
| Aesquire |
chocolate bock? have to try that! As I said, Beans are a regional and philosophical choice. ( I grew up with beans in my chili, so that's my choice, YMMV ) Better cuts of ( talking Beef here ) meat do better with shorter cooking times. One reason for using meat with lots of connective tissue, ( cheaper cuts ) in stews and chili is the long cooking times involved. There is a synergy here. Cheaper meat and the techniques to make it tender also boost flavor. A sirloin steak is best cooked...lightly. It would fall apart after 6 hours in a stew pot, so it's not the best choice for that application. It's all about turning the connective tissue into gelatin with low slow heat, with a magic temperature range to make tough cuts tender... http://www.cooksillustrated.com/recipes/login.asp? docid=26819&extcode=M**ASRA00 calls for Blade Steak or chuck eye roast, while http://www.cookscountry.com/recipes/detail/6726 calls for Boston Butt. http://www.americastestkitchen.com/episodes/detail .php?docid=1489&extcode=M**ASCA00 beef chuck...... Rib Eye tips sound perfect..... Then there's the ground meat variants, and the veggie ones. | ||
| No_rice |
i love making chili. even my mild is a tad on the hot side for the rest of the family, but they eat it. i usually sweeten it with plenty of sugar. the sugar gives it a sweet initial taste, which hides the bite thats about to follow! Mmmm! lots of meat, onions, peppers and minimal beans. seasoned by hand to flavor. i have some form of tabasco/hot sauce on almost everything i eat. ex gf's father knew how much i liked hot stuff, so one year he grew habanero's in the garden. i stayed at there house on the weekends, and he woke me up with a habanero for breakfast. i ate the whole thing with no problem and went back to sleep. i eat those things by the handful. yummy! and ghost pepper! did i say yum yet?! (and yes, even i will say those things are hot!) if we had a garden set up i wouldnt mind getting my hands on some to grow. ive got some great ghost pepper sauce at home that i treat myself to once in awhile. 10 or so drops of that in a crock full of chili and most people wont eat it. disguise it with a little sugar and they get halfway through the bowl before they start crying lol. | ||
| 86129squids |
Good stuff here... Well, the GF and I weren't planning to do anything from scratch, so we just opened 2 cans of Campbell's "Chunky Firehouse" chili, added half an onion and green pepper, and just a sliver of the ghost pepper... As it turned out, there were lots of little red pieces in the chili straight out of the can, so it became impossible to really tell if we were looking at the ghost pepper piece or something innocuous... that one little bitty piece gave the 2 can batch a very nice dose of heat! We decided to call it "Russian Roulette Chili", due to not knowing where the Ghost pepper piece was. Somehow, neither of us ended up getting burnt- since there are leftovers, mebbe we just haven't found it yet... we also made some killer jalapeno cornbread, IMHO the best batch to date. It's kinda fun to eat dinner and simultaneously be scared of dinner... BTW, my GF is Dominican, hot stuff is quite routine... a couple of nights ago we did homemade chicken wings with the srirachi hot sauce, once that stuff carmelizes, YUMMM!!! | ||
| 86129squids |
Tim- once we get the garden going in the spring, I'll be sure to set aside some nice peppers for ya- I brought a big sack to C3 Central back in October, didn'tcha get any? Man, I wish we still had some of her salsa left in the cupboard...   Last year we did about 5-6 different} types of peppers, I'm sure we'll do at least that many again this year! | ||
| Stirz007 |
I knew a woman who won the Texas State Chili cookoff one year with a vegetarian chili (or so she claimed). She was required to provide the recipe after winning. They implemented a rule afterward requiring actual meat in the chili as the contest is sponsored by the Texas Beef Cattlemen's Association. Me, I like the critter in mine - this is a good recipe: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/pre ssure-cooker-chili-recipe/index.html These are recipes from other past TICC champions: http://www.chili.org/recipes.html | ||
| No_rice |
Tim- once we get the garden going in the spring, I'll be sure to set aside some nice peppers for ya- I brought a big sack to C3 Central back in October, didn'tcha get any? Man, I wish we still had some of her salsa left in the cupboard... Last year we did about 5-6 different types of peppers, I'm sure we'll do at least that many again this year! i do remember you bringing a sack of something. no i didnt grab any. i think i didnt even consider it because i was already packed full with the little but of storage(backpack) that i had to get my stuff there lol. never tried jalapeno cornbread. may have to check into that. i love me some cornbread! i always take pride in my chili and cooking in general. i dont cook alot(jenn's a damn good cook), but jenns always amazed at the odd ingredients(not specifically just chili) i can through together and make a damn good tasting meal. she often says she would have never thought of using the things the way i did. i guess when i was young and single, i made GREAT money, but was to cheap to spend much of it on food(needed hotrods and other toys instead you know) so i got good at cooking with whatever i could find in the house. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I've been to Texas. Twice. I don't eat Chili! Not now. NOT EVER!!! My best mate Nick who lives in Austin loves the stuff, hotter the better for him. I'll have a chicken fried steak & home fries thanks. | ||
| P47b |
I used to eat any and all type's of peppers up until a few years ago. I had a cold or flu that would not go away. A month and a half on 3 different cillin's and I was fine. Well,, until I ate a couple of ghost chilies. I found out real quick that I had no tolerance for extreame heat. I am slowly building back up to them. There for awhile I couldn't even eat yellow wax or Italian peppers. Jalapeno cornbread, either you love it or hate it. Kind of like adding beans to chili. I like both... Anyone have any access to some Hatch Green Chilies? If I could find the family that lived in Clovis & Potales that made me that Chili in 1992, I would ask for the recipe from them now. To this day that was the best I have ever had..... | ||
| Xl1200r |
( and beans is a whole argument, regional And philosophical ) There is no argument. Beans belong in burritos, not chili. ( I grew up with beans in my chili, so that's my choice, YMMV ) Me, too. The practice kills me! Must be a northern thing... To be fair, I don't mind black beans. Kidney beans, on the other hand, I think absolutely destroy any dish they are added to. White onion goes on top, raw, along with some shredded cheese. I used to make it "from scratch" all the time. Get this - ground beef. Add a jar of salsa, a can of manwich sauce, hot sauce of choice and chili powder. Bam. Not bad for filling a pot with crap you probably already have, lol. | ||
| 86129squids |
Jalapeno cornbread: We had 2 medium sized red jalapenos, seeded, tossed them along with a little niblet corn and some leftover broccoli and cauliflower into the food processor- mixed that into the batter, bake in a 12X12 Pyrex pan, GAWSH it turned out good! Also, a layer of shredded sharp cheddar before the last of the batter was spooned on top... | ||
| 86129squids |
Wow, Grumps- so sorry to hear that... how come you live such a benighted existence? Chili is like BBQ, in that there are so many variations- one of my faves is white bean chicken chili, maybe you could give that a try... Good luck, mate! | ||
| Moxnix |
Grumps, we take it we won't find you down at the Currie King spooning Mr. Ghandi's special high voltage vindaloo sauce on your take out. | ||
| Ceejay |
Black beans, soaked overnite, cooked in beef bullion the next day, shredded pork and pablanos smoked on the grill. throw in a can of whole tomatoes, touch of bourbon, cook for an hour. Enjoy. Chili without beans is wrong! P47b - I agree, hatch are the best! The smell in albuquerque around late Aug/early Sept is awesome. You can order 'em online but I haven't tried it,...yet | ||
| Speedfreaks101 |
Chili & beans = bean soup gone wrong Y'all need to pick up a copy of "A Bowl Of Red" & then take the first opportunity to attend the Original Terlingua International Chili Cookoff in Terlingua, Texas (just don't forget to back home  ).  | ||
| Ceejay |
Chili without beans = Gravy for burritos Chili with beans = an awesome meal! | ||
| Aesquire |
Now, now. No need for religious dissent. Chili, with ground meat, no beans, is very good as a condiment. Chili, with chunk meat, no beans, is very good on rice. ( or as dip with Santitas.) Chili, no meat, no beans, is, true, an abomination....  (kidding, I've actually had good veggie chili, though I don't recall any without beans ) As previously stated, it's regional & personal preference. Come, on, it's not like Counter Steering.  |
