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Xdigitalx
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 02:02 pm: | 
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In jersey, either party can file for a support change, and as a separate matter each can file a change for visitation if situations change. It took a few years before I got something I liked and we both accepted. (the visitation was totally separate from support and one has absolutely nothing to do with the other... as far as court systems, if they do they shouldn't)
If you have a similar system in your state, (where once paperwork filed, you then are scheduled to meet with a mediator of some sort to work it out) and can appeal that if needed too. Then I would file the paperwork for a change and attach to that letter EVERYTHING you want to be included in the determination. (whether they use it or not doesn't matter) Everything... your salary for 2 years/taxes expenses...etc etc. Make it monkey simple to understand. Just the facts,.. don't ask for anything except a monetary modification. (like...dont say we think we should pay less because...blahblahblah...) that will give them a heads up ahead of time. Just give the facts on paper for them to read...(they HAVE to read it).
The least that can happen is it will stay the same but your records will show all the financial facts and the next time you try lower/change it (you should try as many times as legally possible) the next mediator may be in a better mood when they make your determination. All this info will be placed in your family court records/folder and if your ever in front of a judge they too will have to read it. (at least it will all be there.
Side note: sometimes it can be the littlest things that can make you feel like you have the upper hand in situations like this.
I was told not to ever cut my sons hair (he was 5-6 yrs old with hair to his mid back(everyone thought he was a girl) that was one stipulation in the latest visitation rights that she asked for... so... I let my aunt watch him for 1 hour and he came back looking like the boy he is... But "I" did not cut his hair. (hahahahaha) so she filed again and to my amazement...the judge changed the paperwork to read "father should not cut child's hair nor let anyone else cut child's hair without mother's permission". (the mother was dating her lawyer) It was wrong yes,.. but soooo freaking right. I'm not suggestion you do anything similar,.. just keep on the positive (sound like you are already) and a few years to go.
My ex tried to make me pay throughout college... 3 years of college I payed... only to find out he wasn't in college and payments for 3 years were deducted from my arrears. (arrears from when I was out of work and didn't file for a modification for the payment amount to match my income which was zero for a couple of the 18+ years of support payments) I guess she really hated my guts. I never mistreated her or my son and bent over backwards to comply with all her rules and still got the shaft. But with determination and patience you will prevail.
Good luck. |
No_rice
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 03:00 pm: |
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LOL, i also do the "well mom says i cant..." and i say whos house are you in? the reasonable rules of her moms do apply in my house also, but the un reasonable ones do not.
at her moms she is only allowed to wash her hair every other time she showers, and shes only allowed to shower every other day. she is a girl and is not allowed to "fix up" her hair, she is 12 and, well hitting that age, and is not allowed to shave.
im sorry(not really) but we shower most everyday at my house, we comb our hair, ect...
the thing i think that will end up really swaying her alot is her lack of "her space" at her moms home. there she is not allowed to keep her sisters out of her room at anytime for any reason. they have free run to take or break anything she has. she is often upset about that. to the point where if say... we get her a candybar, and she happens to have it at her moms before she eats it, she is not allowed to have it unless she gets each of her sisters a candybar to, or gives them hers. that literally has happened more then once. she has 2 guitars with broken strings that she refuses to fix so she can play, because her sisters broke them and she gets in trouble for trying to put them anywhere that the sisters cant get at them. obviously she says why fix them then...
but at our place she has her own room that no one goes in(jenn and i almost never go in there even when shes gone except to fix something or put her laundry in her room). lucas is not allowed to use her stuff without asking, things like that.
i keep hoping that us having some respect for her as a person when her mom doesnt will open her eyes even wider then they are now. |
Thumper74
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 04:48 pm: |
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I have multiple friend that have contested child support due to job losses and changes. One went from 70k to 30k and was able to get it down since his child support was now easily a third of his take home pay. |
Xdigitalx
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 05:46 pm: |
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i keep hoping that us having some respect for her as a person when her mom doesnt will open her eyes even wider then they are now.
this is almost a guarantee, (nothing is perfect of course) but your chances are very high. I would think about how you want to spend your time,... worrying about the mom, and the fight or enjoying the time you have with your daughter. Time will fly by and before you know it she will be her own person. Sometimes...the whole process is learning how to deal with these situations...and when you finally DO learn... they are out on their own. Just sayin. |
No_rice
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 05:58 pm: |
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oh believe me, i let alot slide. and have become very good at pissing her mom off because i simply wont get riled up when she tries to cause problems. or even easier because i actually know the laws and our divorce agreement, and dont let her try to lie her way through things.
im just at the point where i think her mom needs a reality check, and at the same time it will save me close to $100 a month if it works out. id rather light the $800 that the lawyer will cost me, on fire, then hand it to the ex. and before anyone says well it goes for your daughter, i know better. if that was the case i wouldnt bat an eye.
thats just like me saying itd be great if she moved in with us. that sure wouldnt save me money, it would actually cost me more. dont really care if it does when its that way instead of the way it is now... |
Mtjm2
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 06:53 pm: |
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Tim , get a lawyer ! A female lawyer !
Best $190.00 an hr I ever spent .
I cant type or spell for nothin , or I could say the crap I have been through in the last 3 years .
Its money well spent , Know matter how much it ticks you off .
GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND !
Dont worry about your little girl ,They end up knowing in the end. |
Swampy
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 09:22 pm: |
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Too bad for you, Lawyers all suck A$$, I know, I am married to one.
File for a change of custody....make something up, the wilder the better.
Don't cooperate with them, don't sign anything, don't let your lawyer(A$$ Sucker) lead you on to something you don't know why you are doing it, make sure it goes the way you want to or fire his A$$, because they all golf together so he/she may not want to cause a ruckus with their golfing buddies just to help a schmuck like you out.
Sorry for the rant, they just are out against you, I hope it goes well for you. |
Swampy
| | Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 09:25 pm: |
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Your original question, Yes, child support is disputable, but you have to take the time to go through the process of appealing, and do not agree with things that are wrong, for the record....and child support can be lowered, and they only can take a certain amount, I think it is 65% max.
Good luck |
Buellifer
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 01:00 am: |
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I think on a $30,000 salary for one child. A fair payment would be around 17% or $425 a month.
The best thing you can do is get a good lawyer and negotiate a percentage to be taken of each paycheck. |
Slaughter
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 09:18 am: |
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I simply hate hearing about the blood loss when children are between ex's.
You can get sympathy here but legal advice? I've had a growth on my arm. It isn't discolored and hasn't changed in a couple years. Maybe it's a fibroid and not a seroma. Whaddaya think? What would you do? Is it related to the growth under the toes that I busted in a tumbling get-off? (before you answer, I AM seeing a doctor about it/them)
Legal advice on a sportbike board? Just as good as medical advice. Medical issues? See your doc. Legal issues?? It pains me to say that it is your turn to help support a poor, deserving family law attorney so he can make his BMW payments. |
No_rice
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 12:05 pm: |
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you never know who lurks on badweb. we have people from almost every profession it seems, even doctors...(but i dont go to those types... been probably 8 years or so since i have and then i was forced by friends after an accident)
my answer to the medical question is the same as the one i give myself... it will go away! 
honestly i knew there were alot of divorced or single parents that get on here and this is a wider spectrum to base my decisions off of then just asking a friend or two that are divorced with kids. you never know, someone on here may have been through almost the same circumstances and know what they did right or should have done differently.
i despise handing people my hard earned money if its something i can handle my self reasonably. ive had a lawyer 2 times in my life. once for a car accident and once for my divorce. my ex on the other hand owes so many lawyers money im not sure she can get one to represent her.
if i can cover all my bases by myself and go to court prepared, this isnt like a jury trial or something. its me, the judge and her.
but paying a lawyer is looking very likely... |
No_rice
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 12:08 pm: |
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the one good part of this is that my daughter will have no ACTUAL involvement in it. there are no witnesses or things like that, and from my understanding she would probably not be allowed in the courtroom even if her mom tried to bring her in. |
Slaughter
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 12:12 pm: |
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Yeah... twice divorced but no kids and I voluntarily took myself out of the gene pool.
Glad that you are able to keep your daughter out of harm's way as much as possible. Makes it a struggle but it WOULD be a shame if she were to get dragged into court.
Best of luck... this sucks. |
Mtjm2
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 06:45 pm: |
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Sorry for your luck Swampy ! or your judgment .
Tim , as Swampy said , it is a game .
The JUDGES also GOLF with the LAWYERS !
I have no question that you can do it . The problem is the courts view of you coming before them without counsel .
Its the STATE against you !
The BIG LOOSER is always the kids ! |
Krassh
| | Posted on Friday, September 23, 2011 - 08:42 pm: |
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I feel for you. My Ex when we sat my son down at 8 years old and told him we were separating she flat out told him in front of me that if he went to live with me that she would be dead to him.
Wow and I thought California was bad. I was working a lot of overtime in aerospace at the time and my child support and alimony was $1700.00 a month.
My overtime was completely cut beginning of 1999 and it took me 6 months to get back into court in July of that year. Even though my lawyer filed in April it was not recorded until June and they would only go back to June for the reduced payments.
My lawyer showed me what it was being reduced to, roughly 50% reduction, and asked me what I thought. I asked him what her reaction was and he being British said "She was livid". I said the amount and reaction was perfect.
Luckily my marriage was under 10 years and not considered long term so I was able to get the alimony removed after 5 years.
I still have the heart of my son and he is grown and married himself.
I would not like to live in a state that automatically reviewed your income in regards to child support. In Cali it was up to either party (at least in my case) to go back to court for a modification.
Best of luck.
(Message edited by krassh on September 23, 2011) |
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