| Author | Message | ||
     Dcc46 |
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person | ||
| Dcc46 |
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| Britchri10 |
Hehehehehe! Chris C | ||
| Sayitaintso |
Leave it to John Cleese....the best of the Pythons. | ||
| Aesquire |
The Aussies recently retired their F-111's. They loved them, and liked to practice a trick where they dump fuel, then hit the afterburners, leaving a huge, long trail of fire behind. While accelerating like a top fuel dragster towards Mach 1. The U.S. Airforce, of course, forbid the trick, saying it caused excessive wear. The Aussies used it at the Olympics closing ceremonies, as they doused the Olympic flame, a F-111 did a flyover & burn at 500 ft. ( the height of the stadium, btw ) and "took the flame" off towards Athens..... Wish I'd been there. They know how to party. | ||
| Paint_shaker |
Threat levels from my point of view; Threat Level 1, Green- Plenty of coke and rum. No problems mon! Threat Level 2, Blue- Plenty of rum, low on coke. It'll be alright. Threat Level 3, Yellow- Some rum, some coke. Raise an eyebrow. Threat Level 4, Orange- Low Rum and Pepsi. Begin to worry! Threat Level 5, Red- No rum, No coke. Go to war! Cheers! (Message edited by Paint shaker on April 06, 2011) |
