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Sayitaintso
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 01:19 pm: | 
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Blake I hear where you're coming from. But how many times can someone "turn the other cheek" before they're fed up with getting stuck with the short end of the stick?, for the sake of the kids or not.
And your saying that not telling about VD was "understandable" b/c of love and fear.....thats just plain wrong. Its uncaring, selfish, cruel, and stupid; when it finally comes out (which it would) whats to be said...ooops? |
Moxnix
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 01:47 pm: |
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Never too big to stick my nose into other's business: Ask the family court to appoint an arbitrator with costs reflecting both parties financial situation. Or, sell the Buell and hire an attorney whose specialty is representing men in divorce and custody matters, buy another Buell when you're back on your feet.
There is usually a very large "charge" on these situations in the early stages of divorce and custody. Rather than focusing on "the blame game," work toward a practical and fair solution.
Best of luck. |
Blake
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 01:56 pm: |
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Yes, understandable as in one of many well-understood failings of human beings, dishonesty for personally selfish reasons. Still dead wrong as stated. As you state, it's "uncaring, selfish, cruel, and stupid." That is correct. It is also understandable. Selfishness is likely the most well-understood motive for misbehavior that exists.
You seem to be confusing "understandable" with "excusable."
>>> Blake I hear where you're coming from. But how many times can someone "turn the other cheek" before they're fed up with getting stuck with the short end of the stick?, for the sake of the kids or not.
For the sake of the children, infinitely. Has your scenario ever happened? Has it ever transpired where one divorcé has behaved entirely magnanimously, accommodatingly yet continued to be met with only miserableness? The devil woman actually exists? Maybe so.
Truth? It takes two to create confrontation. Refuse the bait, shun the opportunity to invite it, seek accommodation, the confrontation may be averted. |
Blake
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 01:56 pm: |
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If only I could follow my own advice!  |
Sayitaintso
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 02:09 pm: |
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If only I could follow my own advice!
Agreed, its so easy to make suggestions for others, yet so hard to do when faced with a similar situation. Way back when I was in the Army I used to joke that I was "Phil Donahue" for everyone in my battery that was E-4 and below...everyone came to me for advice but my life was a total wreck b/c I let emotions cloud my judgment and couldn't look at things as a dispassionate outsider. |
Blake
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 02:17 pm: |
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So true. |
Ridenusa4l
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 02:46 pm: |
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Jerry,
I am a son, that was in a VERY similar situation with my parents when they split. My dad came out to AZ to go to MMI, my mom and I stayed in IA. Well basically my mom started cheating on my dad with a meth dealer and it went all down hill from there.
The day i called my dad and told him what was going on (I was 9) he took the next flight out and got me and took me to AZ.
It was a NASTY divorce in EVERY sense of the word (to put it lightly) and it was a GRUELING battle with my mom, but we NEVER lost faith. After months of fighting and battling with the court system, we WON!
now i made this a REALLY short version of the HELL my father and myself went through, and when all was said and done all we had was ourself in AZ everyone else was in the midwest. We lived in a 1 bedroom apt for 11 years (took turns on the couch) until a flood (this Jan) took it from us. Needless to say that within such a tight space we became VERY close, I am an only child, but i can say without a doubt that my father is my BEST FRIEND, BROTHER, AND FATHER!
Although it was NEVER 100% easy and we had to fight and earn everything we own today, however limited it may be. I wouldnt of had it any other way, it made us who we are and the bond between us is stronger than any!
The message Im portraying here id NO MATTER WHAT, no matter how hard it gets, your love for each other WILL get you through, so Im gonna tell you the same thing my father and I have always told each other, and will always live by, it has got us through EVERY hard time we've been through...
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!
Jake |
Xdigitalx
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 - 07:00 pm: |
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She Mexican/Italian? lol
This topic SUCKS. But it can be extremely satisfying to win even the smallest feature in your ongoing quest for righteous fatherhood. You must use the system to your full advantage. You have every right to make a complaint against her as does you if you do not comply with said visitation or agreements of. They called it a "motion" for a hearing. If you act like a wussy, you WILL be treated like one. Document everything. E V E R Y T H I N G. You just may end up filing for custody in a few years. It will all come in handy.
I had good visitation with my son, 1st and 3rd weekend of every month. Except on holidays where we split them up except xmas and easter where my time was 6pm each holiday to 6pm the following day. I had him Fathers day of course. (if the 1st of the month lands on a sat/sun the following weekend would be my weekend)
It was perfect for me. Except that faithful fathers day where they are nowhere to be found. (I make report to police) My following visitation weekend the current boyfriend gets my son ready while I wait at the door, (mom was sleeping) then with a smirk on his face he informs me that my son calls HIM daddy. I am devastated...but I hold back and say nothing. Get my son and have the best time I can.
Another time, I lost one of his sneakers and so I bought him another pair to go home with. Everything seems fine for a couple months, then I get a letter to appear in court because she had made a complaint saying that I was negligent, and didn't take care of him during the visitation. Just one of many effed up instances I went thru.
Oh... and if something like that happens to you, there is nothing you can do except document it, make a police report file a motion for a hearing (again) which could take 3 months.... so what do you do in the meantime??? DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. You will get a court date to appear.
In my case,...my ex deliberately missed days, hid my son from me... would just be no where to be found, even moved without telling me or the courts. They just told her not to do it again. I eventually got tired of the one-sided court system and used it to my advantage. I filed for custody. (I knew I would not get it) it was the ONLY way I could get in front of a real judge and be heard. I finally got what I wanted and she got hers from the judge. (verbal scolding is all) but it was worth it. Of course.... that lasted about a year or so, then all over again. Oh i have stories.
After about 12 years of this visious cycle, I finally gave up. I got tired of fighting for something that I could not win. I just let it be. I told her if you want me to see him, or he wanted to see me , to call me.
I was still paying support when he turned 18, and I was kinda wondering when child support will stop so I call the family courts to find out.... they say it will never-ever stop unless I get my son emancipated. The court system does not automatically close support cases when child turns 18. Well, apparently he was attending college. I was told I had to keep paying anyways. I said no problem!! My kid is in COLLEGE!! Yippie!!
Ok.. so... another year passes... I wonder how he is doing. (I am supposed to get end-of-semester-up-dates as he has to keep grades up to get state ordered support from me) The mother forgets to send copies to me (of course) so I just assume he must be doing good otherwise the payments would stop. About 3 years go by and I am struggling with making my car payments. OOPS... I missed too many and car gets repo'ed. Dam. Then I loose my job and end up on unemployment (the support payments are still taken out of check automatically)
So.. I am wondering why no I got grade reports after all this time so I call the courts to demand a copy of his grades. Eventually they set a court date once there, she cannot prove he was attending college at all. All she brought was a copy of a registration form from his 1st semester 3+ years prior. WTF?!?!?!?
I was paying for 3+ years when I shouldn't have been. (at least not to the state) Totally effed up.
You must play hardball and have thick skin, Otherwise they will rip you to shreds.
Well, that was what it was like in the past, in the bottom half of Jersey, (C.C.) it may be different in your neck of the woods.
I hope you take all the info posted by everyone here and use it to your advantage. And FYI: support is a totally separate matter than visitation in every situation. She can not prevent you from seeing your child because of lack of payments. She would have to take you to court. The last "Judge signed" order stays in effect until a new order is signed!!!
Good Luck!!
http://www.fathersrights.org/ |
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