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Milt
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 11:44 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

A friend sent me these, and I'd like to share.

• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine
• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
• Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
• Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play .
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion..
• If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia : the LAN down under.
• Every calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done..
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86129squids
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 12:04 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

You're a pretty fart smeller...
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Glitch
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 03:00 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think
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Aptbldr
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 05:12 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

She can't think mulch of that one, Glitch.
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Hootowl
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 06:09 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Chuck you farley
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Sparky
Posted on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 10:40 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Hi! My name's Cliff. Drop over anytime.
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Danger_dave
Posted on Wednesday, February 24, 2010 - 04:15 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

The difference between a Pigeon and a Mountain Goat is that the Pigeon Mucks around on Fountains.

The difference between a Battle Horse and a Draft Horse is that a Battle Horse Darts into the Frey.
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Crusty
Posted on Wednesday, February 24, 2010 - 05:38 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Custodian/Admin Only)

Then there was the Optician who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
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