| Author | Message | ||
     Whatever |
My best friend of 10 years in recovery from addiction that I love with all my heart is using drugs every night before she goes to sleep. She and her fiance light one up together in bed. She says she is happy and I don't buy it. I never will. And she was clean for 10 Years!!! Addiction Kills. Period. And it ruins the lives of a lot of people who love the addict. I had 1.5 years clean when my boyfriend died from an overdose- suspected suicide. I am more prone to believe the latter... there was a note... and there was $1500 unacounted for expenditures. This was 13 years ago... I will have this small spot of emptiness in my heart for the rest of my life. It used to consume me the first few years. Now it is just a sorrow that I carry and can chose to bring out and feel sometimes. OR it hits me like a ton of bricks in the forehead in the middle of a sunny clear day... I may be riding on my bike and I can still feel him back there wrapping his arms around me. OR I am at a recovery meeting and there is a chair next to me that is empty... and I look to that empty chair next to me and I think... "That is Lance's chair." I had 15 years clean and sober and I relapsed last spring for 10 weeks. I now have over 6 months again... and I will do ANYTHING I have to do to never go back to that place where you wake up and just wish it was all over with. I will stand on my head, recite the alphabet backwards, give away everything I own and live with nothing if I have to... but I never want to go back to that place. Have you ever loved someone so much you thought your heart would break? Have you ever been so in love that you would step in front of a speeding bullet if it meant that the one you love would live another day? Have you ever hung up the telephone not knowing it would be the last time you ever spoke to the person you love? I have. And I would gladly do it all over again given the chance... I was priveleged to know him... and I have never met a man as remarkable as he was... there was a certain honor and integrity he had that I don't know if I will see again... so I try to live by those principles that I hold dear... honesty, inegrity and honour... It is a lot to trade for a short ride on the rollercoaster of addiction, that always comes to a halt at some point and rips through the lives of loved ones like a tornado... taking everything in its path. Anonymous... I am glad you posted... but I do not believe for one minute you are happy with where you are at. Nobody likes to live a lie... unless they are a psychopathic sociopath... and I do not think you are that... The best weapon against addiction is the recovering addict. (Message edited by Whatever on January 27, 2010) | ||
| Nevrenuf |
definitely a disease. my electrical contractor buddy whom i've done side work for for the past 17/18 years and went on his payroll for 4 years has a son now recovering from heroin after fighting it for about 5 years. came into work one day and my tools were gone. went and told my buddy up stairs and caught him when he was talking to his son about paying a bill. son told him that he had to make a payment at a pawn shop on something that he hawked. after son walked out, told buddy about tools missing then i mentioned about finding out what pawn shop he used and he pretty much scoffed at the idea that his son could do something like that which i can't blame him but when his son just days before was talking about depression and not knowing what to do, it just seemed a little to odd to me. well needless to say, a few days later he got a call from a pawn shop about some items that showed up with his company name on them. come to find out that he was going down to the electrical supply co. that his dad used and bought tools on credit and took them to the pawn shop. spent the past 4 years in and out of halfway houses, drug rehab and jail. looks like he might be on track but i'll never trust him not so much what he did to me but what he did to his dad and never manned up and apologized for anything that i know of. certainly not to me. i just hope you guys are man enough to ask for help if you need it. we're here for ya. | ||
| Reepicheep |
I lost a friend to addiction. I have tremendous sympathy for anyone struggling with one. For people with a loved one struggling, I'd say have have relentless love and forgiveness, and have absolutely rigid and very tight boundaries. The more rope you give somebody, the more they will hurt you, themselves, and everyone else. Anyone who has an addiction, and beat it today, props to you brother or sister! You have my utmost respect! | ||
| Lovemybuellman |
what no pictures of Amy Winehouse ??? | ||
| Blake |
"I hate to tell you this but you're not anonymous to the custodians. I used the anon feature once and was notified by a custodian not to use it unless I had a good reason. I'd say you have a good reason but I wanted to throw that out for general awareness." I cannot speak for the other custodians, but I choose to respect the anonymity of the above poster. I suspect the others will as well. We certainly won't out him. My heart aches for those who suffer so much pain and anguish in life. This will sound preachy, it is truth: It is only a pre-occupation with self that leads to the awful suffering of addiction. Looking after the interests of others before your own is a total game-changer. I have no doubt that if I asked Char for help, she'd be finding a way to do so. Same for Eric (Hex), although he'd be pissed that I used his name.  Conversely I think that putting yourself out there and finding that others are willing to help is also liberating. Nothing like feeling the fruits of real hands on love and caring in actions. Please don't hesitate to ask for help. There was a man who endured unimaginable suffering and anguish. His name was Job. Ever heard of him? Interesting story. | ||
| Hex |
I have no doubt that if I asked Char (or Hex) for help, she'd be finding a way to do so. Same for Eric (Hex), although he'd be pissed that I used his name. That is a completely accurate statement. As was the part about taking care about others, total game changer. Blake, if we do ever meet, I will give you a really big hug, it's been rough, but I wouldn't trade these last three or so years of informal debate for anything else. Thank you for BadWeB. I openly admit I have trust issues since all the politics and war. (Message edited by hex on January 28, 2010) | ||
| Mudinmyvaynes |
I have good and bad news. I'll start with the good news first. Anonymous PM'ed me and we talked for 3 hours last night on the phone, I also spoke with his wife. She was on here skimming over things and came across his post and put 2 and 2 together and found out it was him. The good thing is that he has decided to go into rehab, he said after reading the entire thread he said he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore than they already are, and he is the only male in his family to carry on the family name. His wife wants to thank BadWeB for making him see that hiding behind a drug won't make him any stronger, that it takes away everything you live for. Then there's the bad news. I woke up at 7 this morning cause of my phone ringing and answered only to find Anonymous' wife. Apparently when he was getting ready in the morning, he 'did his last line' which is what every addict does or wishes to do before going to rehab, only he did too much. She said what worried her was he was in the bathroom for an hour, something he never has done, and gets up to check on him only find him passed out from an overdose, the same day he promised he'd go into rehab. He's alive but is in Critical Care for the next couple days then from there he will go straight to rehab. No stop home, no saying bye to people, just a straight trip to detox. All I ask is to wish him the best, it's a horrible way to go to rehab but at least now he will actually be going. | ||
| Ulywife |
I have chills from reading your post. I've finally had the opportunity to read this entire thread from start to finish today. Congrats to you for deciding to take charge of your life and deal with your addiction. Our prayers for Anonymous and his family. Please keep us posted on him and on your progress. | ||
| Damnut |
Prayers to Anonymous and family. | ||
| Xb12xmike |
Good Luck Mud and Anony!!  | ||
| Hex |
I see no bad news here at all. This is exactly what has to happen for a chance of recovery. Anonymous had to hit his own personal rock bottom to take recovery serious. I think he now has a great opportunity. He should be commended for his bravery to come out here and use this community to it's fullest potential. Mud, you should be proud of yourself as well. You navigated this situation perfectly. You took your immediate experience and helped another through the door. It's risky, because of death, but it is Anon's near death experience that will be his foundation. +1 gold star for Anonymous, when you are ready, return mud's favor to another. +1 gold star for Mudinmyveins, if it wasn't for your openness in starting this thread, and your willingness to help another, well his cycle of lies would have been with him today. Anybody else need a helping hand? Hex | ||
| Mudinmyvaynes |
Here's another update on Anonys condition. 20 minutes ago his wife called and said he was just put into a medically induced coma because he started having seizures once he started regaining conciousness. Turns out he wasn't just using smack, but speed too, as well as alcohol, all at the same time. Take the withdrawal symptoms of speed and heroine and alcohol and put them together, and you get life threatening consequences. She says it doesn't look good at all, he's in the CAT scan as of now, but she'll call when they find out more. | ||
| Hex |
Thanks for the update, rough stuff, I still think it will be ok. I'm going to believe that this is all real. It's not 'just' the internet. Some sick fable or concocted story, putting us on. You are new here, but I believe you to be real. Anon is Anon, still one of us, human. The way the situation unfolded, every helping hand extended is in good faith. Good Samaritan rule covers personal liability. We have done the best with the short amount of time and the situation offered. You both still get your gold stars. | ||
| Whatever |
I had a friend who overdosed last summer. She had taken upwards of 200 pills of all types and she was in a medically induced coma for three days. She pulled out of it and is ok today. No brain damage and no permanent health problems. Sounds like he has some good doctors helping him. Mud. Pleas pass on my phone number I sent you to Anony and his wife... also feel free to call me... I think this is a great thing you have done and are doing. I will pray for Anony and his wife myself as it is the best thing to do... I have been on Badweb 8 years and have never been open about my own addiction... and now I know there are more people who understand. Stay strong and God Bless!  | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
My Lord, what a horrible turn of events. I hope and pray he pulls through. | ||
| Ninefortheroad |
My heart, prayers and best wishes continue to go out to Mud and Anon and their friends and family. I have been blessed to be able to keep my abusive personality and habits mostly under control thru the years. the really bad ones I have been able to quit and stay quit. Nothing like losing people you care about to any form of abuse. Reading the last several posts is an emotional rollercoaster. Although, I might not agree with Hex's religious position/opinions, he is "spot on" when in other words, "things some times have to get worse to get better" I sure hope it holds true here. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
thanks for taking the lead in this mud. you just might have saved someones life aside from your own for this. please let anon's wife also know that if she needs to talk, there are quite a few people willing to help. let her know she's not alone. | ||
| X5thxgearxfreak |
Someone should make a book out of this, definitely emotional stuff. But may the both of you ( Mud and Anon) have the courage and spirit to hold your head up high and spit back in that nasty habits face. It was tough for me to kick, even with methadone, do what the others have said; go to a group who knows what you're going through. I practically lived at the groups when I kicked the habit and have them to thank for my well being. Hope the 2 of you get better, AND DONT RELAPSE!!!!! I cannot express how much I emphasize that, do whatever it takes for you to keep from rebounding. | ||
| Fast1075 |
Hope Anony comes through....A speedball OD is a very bad thing....have your local medium ask John Belushi's ghost all about it. Although it's possible that some of my old friends used heroin, I never knew..In my younger years in my area..there was a lot of Coke and speed and halucinogens and of course booze. I tried 'em all except smack but never injected anything...that just seems too creepy. I could take or leave any of them...they were party favors...kind of snort em if you gottem thing...crank up the stereo...except the booze...finally one monday morning I woke up half hanging out of my car, covered with puke. By the time I got home and got cleaned up....I realized it was monday and around 10 am...I called in to work with some BS excuse...boss told me to come in when I could...when I got to work, he had my last paycheck cut...I had been chronically late to work for months...he had enough of my crap. That shook me up so bad...I had let myself down, my invalid mother down, and the boss down...I took a week and cleaned up...called all my party friends and told them to don't bother calling, cause the playa has left the game. I never stepped foot into another bar or liquor store...I have been sober for 25 years now...I have had the occasional run-in with Mr. Natural on a very infrequent social basis (and being absolutely truthful think it should be legalized).....I have one last addiction that should be illegal...I am trying to beat...nicotine..it is being harder than anything previously...no kidding...cutting out the booze was easier... A thought has come to me how so many people from so many different walks of life can have so much similarity regarding addictions....Us Webbers who ride and enjoy sportbikes and racing and other high intensity things....we all have a touch of addictive personality syndrome..it's part of the territory....so the next time someone needs a nip o whiskey or a line or such a thing...fire up the bike, check the air pressure and go scrub off some tire tread....it helps me out...can't puff a smoke mid apex  | ||
| Brumbear |
Listen guys I am 45 years old and I been to so many funerals of guys that did not get out you would not believe me. There is so much you would miss if . The guys that I grew up with that didn't go back and those of us who stopped short are so pissed off at the friends that never got see our kids never hold them and be the person we knew to our children or there own. Life is truly short enough. There are a few of you here that will understand exactly what I am about to write the ones who don't please try to. Try to live bye the plumb, square, and level. In an operative world plumbs prove verticles, squares square work, and levels prove horizontals. In a symbolic world plumbs admonish us to walk upright in front of GOD and Man, Squares to square our actions by the squares of virtue and morality, And Levels remind us we travel upon the level of time from which no one returns. I so wish some of my friends were as strong as you guys because if they were my children and possibly thiers would get to know the people, great people I knew. Good luck guys stay strong and do not look back. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I'm addicted to the greatest drug there is, life! I've never been interested much in drugs, smoked a few spliffs when I was younger & found I didn't get anything worth having from it. I get a much greater buzz from living every day. My thoughts are with you & Anon. The only way is up. Hang in there. | ||
| Reepicheep |
Attention Badwebbers... the custodians have some information that leads us to believe that anony, mudinmyveins, and 5thgearfreak are not being completely forthcoming. But that isn't what is important. What is important is to know that anyone that is a part of our community that struggles with addiction is surrounded by people that love them, accept them, and have the desire, knowledge, and experience to help. We don't really know what is going on with the the parties above, and frankly, regardless if this was a lie, scam or cry for help... we don't really care. Don't get hung up on details in the middle of a cry for help from a friend. We will continue to have good boundaries to protect ourselves and our community, but also have love and empathy for those struggling in any way, be it with addiction, psychological struggles, or anything else. I'll leave the thread open, and hope that people don't let the root lie taint the beauty, truth, and love of the amazing people that are part of our community here. Lets focus on the people that do have addictions, and that need or can offer help. Thanks all! (Message edited by blake on January 30, 2010) | ||
| Hex |
Thanks Reep! I've been struggling with how to put this into perspective. Thanks for the heads up yesterday. And Blake, how could you let this get started or continue if you had really known the identity of Anon? If you all will read my last post above, I was starting to suspect sincerity of this thread before the heads up. This may all be Rocket's doing, it may be the FBI, or some dirty cops, who knows, but look at all the good that has come from sinister intent. Silence is death. I still offer my honest and sincere helping hand to ANYONE in REAL need. | ||
| Reepicheep |
We didn't connect the dots until it was pretty far along. Nothing implicates Rocket. | ||
| Firebolt020283 |
ok I am confused as to what happened here. so are you guys saying the 2 people here that claimed to have an addiction did not really have this problem or what? | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
So much for not outing the anonymous poster.....  what a bunch of cluster f****...... to take a serious subject and turn into a three ring circus is despicable | ||
| Hex |
We don't know. They definitely have great knowledge of addiction, they may in fact be. I also suspect an HA and affiliates coordinated effort. Dangerous stuff here. | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
HA??? | ||
| Hex |
Hell's Angles. | ||
| Firebolt020283 |
well if it was real I hope the best for these people. If it was not that is a very serious matter to be playing games with as I have lost friends to drugs over the years weather it be by death or them loosing touch with reality. |
