| Author | Message | ||
     X5thxgearxfreak |
Alcohol and smack? Christ, that's heavy shit mate, I used to use smack but like you went to a center. I credit my motorbike with what is keeping me from going back to them. Whenever I think about heroine, I jump on the bike, I can't now cause of weather but for now I just start it up, breathe some of it's pollution, and instant relief. Stay clean man, smack kills, alcohol can to but for me to speak on the issue of alcohol would be hypocritical. Keep on keepin' on, drop me a PM if you need a word with someone who did what you did. I'd like a word on how to make flashbangs, if you legally can I mean. | ||
| Hex |
* Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ••••••• big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ••••••• fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the •••• you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ••••••• junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ••••••••• brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin? * People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored. But what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not ••••••• stupid. At least, we're not that ••••••• stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pissed. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never ••••••• wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit. * [explaining the gaps in his employment history] Yes, I can. The truth -- well, the truth is that I've had a long-standing problem with heroin addiction. I've been known to sniff it, smoke it, swallow it, stick it up my arse and inject it into my veins. I've been trying to combat this addiction, but unless you count social security scams and shoplifting, I haven't had a regular job in years. I feel it's important to mention this. * Young Renton noticed the haste with which the successful in the sexual sphere, as in all others, segregated themselves from the failures. * It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the ••••••• earth, the most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any ••••••• difference! * At, or around this time, Spud, Sick Boy and I made a healthy, informed, democratic decision to get back on heroin as soon as possible. * No thank you. I'll proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs please. * There was no such thing as society and even if there was, I most certainly had nothing to do with it. (Himself quoting Margaret Thatcher, from Women's Own magazine, October 31 1987.) * We called him Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit. * Begbie didn't do drugs either. He just did people. That's what he got off on; his own sensory addiction. * Swanney taught us to adore and respect the National Health Service, for it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives. * Thank you, your honor. With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction. * I fantasize about a massive, pristine convenience. Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of Chanel Number 5, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. But under the circumstances I'll settle for anywhere. * One thousand years from now there'll be no guys and no girls, just wankers. Sounds great to me. It's just a pity no-one told Begbie. * The downside of coming off junk was I knew I would need to mix with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful. They reminded me so much of myself, I could hardly bear to look at them. Take Sick Boy, for instance. He came off junk at the same time as me, not because he wanted to - you understand - but just to annoy me. Just to show me how easily he could do it, thereby downgrading my own struggle. Sneaky ••••••• don't you think ? * Living like this, is a full-time business. * It seems, however, I really am the luckiest guy in the world. Several years of addiction right in the middle of an epidemic, surrounded by the living dead. But not me. I'm negative. It's official. And once the pain goes away, that's when the real battle starts. Depression, boredom . . . You feel so ••••••• low, you want to ••••••• top yourself. * [narrating] Heroin makes you constipated. The heroin from my last hit was fading, and the suppositories had yet to melt. [moans loudly, doubles over] I'm no longer constipated. * Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a shit about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody. So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the ••••••• big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead to the day you die. * This was to be my final hit. But let΄s be clear about this. There are final hits and final hits. What kind was this to be? TRAINSPOTTING | ||
| X5thxgearxfreak |
Bloody hell man, that brung me to tears. It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. We can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete arseholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any difference! My parents were of Edinburgh, so I can vouche for that. Beautifully f*cking said mate!!! Please give me permission to copy your post, that belongs in a memoir or book, something to not be forgotten. | ||
| Hex |
It's all 'lifted' from the movie Trainspotting on WikiQuotes: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Trainspotting Now, my sister knows better than I, for she just recently send back her Edinburgh husband of 17 years... I actually liked the guy, but fortunately didn't have to live with him. | ||
| X5thxgearxfreak |
I must be living under a rock, I didn't even know there was a movie of Scott heroine addicts, oh well. Please excuse me while I pry my head out of my arse. | ||
| Hex |
Just go rent the movie. | ||
| Hex |
Or read the book. My sister has read the book but said it would be very difficult for an american to read all the scottish brogue, you'll do just fine:  | ||
| Brumbear |
Great flick Ewan McGreger isn't it ? | ||
| Iamike |
One of the guys that rode out to Utah with us last summer was a former addict. He had some pretty spectacular stories about his previous life. Now he is a drug counselor at a local hospital. His body is still a mess but at least he is alive. Good luck and God speed. | ||
| Whatever |
I think the funniest thing I ever heard out of an addicts mouth... and believe me I know a lot of recovering addicts... was when I was driving cab. I would pick up the women who were in the local justice system forced treatment program... this meant if they did not complete the program they were going to prison... for a LONG LONG LONG LONG time... She said, "But I was not like the other crack addicts! I was a social crack addict!" I almost pee-ed myself I laughed so hard. I said, "Try that one on your counselors". Here's another joke. How do you tell an addict is lying? His mouth is moving. And another... How can you tell if someone in AA is on a date? From the U-Haul parked in the parking lot. If you DONT get it, well then I can't really help you. Check out Mark Lundholm though... if you are "One of Us"... he has 30 years clean and does stand up comedy for a living... Very funny shite! NOT Safe For Work or Children! (Message edited by Whatever on January 26, 2010) | ||
| Jumpinjewels |
Congrat's Phil. I did drugs for about 17 years. What made me quit was I didn't want to die and leave my daughter the legacy of losing her mom to drugs. That was after a 3 day stint. Straightened me out quick. I also asked the Lord into my life and WOW. Made life a whole lot more doable. You can do it. I'll keep you in my prayers | ||
| Andyss1w |
hey phil, congrats on getting out. remember where you came from, never say never. always remember, you only have today. just because you got out of rehab, doesn't mean you graduated. i have been clean and sober for some time now. if you ever need someone to talk to, pm me. i remember how tough the first year was for me. i dont ever want to go through that again, so i follow directions, from people who have been in my shoes. stick with the winners. my friend, i will tell you now, THE WORK IS NOT OVER! some of us need more than motorcycles to stay sober. do what was suggested at rehab, and get involved. you will soon find out there is a whole new world out there. it wasnt long before my life changed for the good. my life is still getting better everyday, i have had some road bumps along the way, I am going threw one now, but it isnt worth going back out, nothing is. i have worked too hard to piss it all the way. don't get too discouraged about not getting into the armed forces. the man has a plan for you! its better than anything that you could ever think of. i know if you would have told me nine years ago, that i would be living this life, i would have laughed. i have a good life. i have a good job, am responseable, and i can sit in a room by myself without my head racing. i.e., am comfortable in my own skin. i have peace. i care about myself, and care about other people. i have true friends and love. i have passions, and direction.i am able to be a member of my family. i rarely think about using. ( i can't even remember the last time.)these are all things i have had to work towards, and continue to work for. sometimes it may not come easy or quickly. i have found that the uncomfortable things to work towards are the most rewarding. it is the things that i dont want to do, that make me better. my effort is directly connected to my happiness. now that you are out, it is up to you. keep in touch, i am looking forward to watching your life blossom. | ||
| J2blue |
+infiniti Ride with us to homecoming this summer! | ||
| Cycleaddict |
good job on kick'n the sh#t man . been clean here for 15 1/2 yrs . motorcycles & fireworks are all the "drugs" you'll ever need. | ||
| Whatever |
And caffeine!!!   | ||
| Mudinmyvaynes |
Thanks again everyone, my entire day was going smoothly. I actually got to ride the scg, went and got the new Mass Effect 2 game (games help me keep my mind off other things) until I rode over to my girlfriend of 4 years and saw a truck in the driveway I didn't recognize. I get off, take my helmet off and right when I was going to get to the door she answers, I was thinking this a good thing. But then this guy walks in behind her and she tells him to go upstairs. She then explains how me leaving for rehab left an impression that I was no good. She grew up in a Pentecostal upbringing so she's strict on the whole drug thing. I tried explaining that I am clean, just out of rehab but clean and that I'm trying as hard as I can to stay clean. Apparently she thinks that once someone does drugs, they're never really 'off drugs' there's always that desire. I tell her that's what living clean after doing shit is like, every fu*king day is a test, some fail, some succeed, that's what happens. She said she just couldn't live with that, that there's that chance I could go dirty. I don't know what to do, I was standing ten feet fu*king high now I'm three feet in the ground. I just don't know, there's nothing I can think of, just blank. I wan't to be mad, but then I know I'm a fu*k up, so I'm just mad at myself for ever getting into it, I must be a born fu*k up since I hid my addiction from such a religious person for a year and a half. I'm going to try to sleep, stare at the ceiling, and try to go back to sleep, it's the only thing I can think of doing at this moment. | ||
| Whatever |
You can be a clean addict but she will always be a slut... (Message edited by Whatever on January 27, 2010) | ||
| Andyss1w |
phil, hang in there buddy! you are not the only one who is going through this right now. check out my thread "lost".(in the quick board) everything happens for a reason. be patient, and watch it unfold. my days are dark now too, i have not been sleeping/eating much.i am hurt, lost, and feel as though my soul has been ripped out. but, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. i know from my past, that there are beautiful things for me around the corner. and you too. you havn't come this far to piss it all away. good things happen for those who don't use. dont be mad at yourself. you need to understand that this is your life. you need to go through this. it is important for the future. when you read a book, you dont skip a chapter, right? a chapter is ending, and a new one is begining. dont wonder how it will turn out. just have faith that it is going to be better. it will. i know in my situation, i dont know how i will ever deal with the loss of my love. i am lost, scared, and full of fear. this will work out for the best. life always does. give me a call, 3 1 7 4 0 8 8 2 4 5. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
most religions teach you to forgive from what i unerstand so if she was really that religious she surely would have waited for you instead of jumping into a new relationship so quick. not a good thing to go through at this point in your life but just consider this another test phil. there are people here that are willing to be the leaning post that you need at this time and to be a sound board for ya. take them up on it and vent but don't let it drag you back down for god's sake and your's. | ||
| Hex |
It took me 14 attempts, and by the time I was 33, I finally got one that would settle down. And this even takes constant work. Each unsuccessful relationship taught me something that I found I could deal with in the next. Then my dad died, and I found the same relationship issues going on in my immediate family (Mom, nephew and sister). Right now, at 44, I'm finally content, and all that practice helped. I don't think you should see ANY of your old friends, make new ones when possible, and realize that you are responsible for part but not all of each of them. Let her go. There will be better down the road. Take one curve at a time. | ||
| Blake |
Cold heartless bitch. She is using the issue as an excuse not having the courage to just break it off as is obviously her true intent. Ditch her and find someone with a soul. Do NOT let the act of a cold-hearted self-righteous, judgemental person turn you from your recovery! Doing so will only make the smug bitch correct. Prove her and all like her dead wrong. Success is the best remedy for the pain caused by others. Hang tough Phil! | ||
| Damnut |
Success is the best remedy for the pain caused by others. True dat. | ||
| Hex |
All good advice: http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Minimize-Self-Imp osed-Isolation-in-Grief-and-Loss&id=1008436 You can reduce unnecessary suffering when grieving by limiting the time you either knowingly or unknowingly isolate yourself. Self-imposed isolation is a common response to the death of a loved one. Although some alone time is necessary during all grief work, the bereaved all too often withdraw and cause added pain and suffering. To begin with, grief itself is an isolating emotion because depression, guilt, and anger-common reactions to the loss of a loved one-tend to reduce interaction with others, and many would-be supporters are at a loss as to how to respond. Isolation complicates and lengthens the healing process. If you are mourning the death of a loved one, or providing support for a bereaved person, here are eight ways to make inroads on the devastating toll that isolation takes on emotional disposition and energy levels. 1. Find a grief companion. Look for someone who has suffered a similar loss. It could be another widow or widower. Perhaps another mother who has lost a child or a person who has suffered the death of a sibling. It can be especially helpful if the person is a few months ahead of you in the grief process. Share your feelings. Having someone around with similar feelings is reassuring that you are better understood. Make a pact to telephone each other at specific times, day or night. 2. Make the expression of emotion a priority. Bottling up emotions is a surefire way to increase the intensity of pain and bring on depression. Suppressed anger is especially damaging to your health and can be managed. The first step is to own it and tell a confidant about it. We are built to allow emotions to go through us and be expressed to relieve the anxiety and physical tension they cause. If you have any negative feelings, get them out and into the light of day with your friend. 3. Use daily meditation for twenty minutes. There are numerous forms of meditation. Choose one that you are comfortable with. It will increase awareness of your environment, help you transcend your pain, and strengthen your inner life. A common meditation is to simply choose a pleasing word (peace, love, tranquility, etc.) and slowly repeat it each time you exhale a breath. 4. Start your own altruistic program. A universal way to cope with major loss and change is to become a wounded healer and help others as you are still mourning. There are people everywhere who can use the assistance of another. Look around in your community or for organizations needing volunteers. Your involvement will compel you to communicate. It will lift your spirits and enhance self-esteem, and you will make the world a better place. 5. Join a grief support group. This is an ideal way to reduce isolation by being with others who are dealing with loss. In all of my experience with support groups for the bereaved, as the meetings progress, strong friendships are formed, and much insight is gained from others. 6. Use massage. Often major loss brings with it a sense of being alone. I have heard many bereaved people tell me how comforting it was to have a professional give them a massage. The relaxation that is induced and the awareness of feeling comfort was a welcome break from the pain of loss. 7. Strengthen your ties to your Higher Power. There is a growing amount of research pointing to the health benefits of spiritual/religious involvement. Believe that you are never alone and your Higher Power knows what you are going through and is there for you to talk to. Say what is happening to you inside. This connectedness is a powerful force to get you through the most trying times. 8. Grow in your ability to love. The eternal connection of love to your Higher Power and the deceased is part of the way through isolation and loneliness. You can still show love to the deceased by learning how to love in separation and by living the values you acquired through your association with him/her. All solid connections are based on the power of love. Your mission in life, something we all need, will be enhanced by your ability to grow in love. As you grow, your grief and isolation will fade, and you will see life and death through a lens you never thought could be so beautiful. Reducing isolation as we are hurting and full of pain is not an easy thing to do. However, doing what we dislike doing at the time it ought to be done, is an absolute, indispensable life skill. It will be useful for the rest of your life, not just as you grieve. Start with one of the above today with the firm intention that you will reduce isolation and reinvest in life. Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com. | ||
| Court |
Phil: I've got good news . . . but first . . first . . CONGRATULATIONS by taking responsibility and the first steps at staying on this beautiful planet longer than you likely would have. I'm not going to lecture . . . but I have some expertise on the matter. Let me simply say . . . you've got plenty of other things on your mind at the moment . . that one of the first steps to a successful recovery is getting small people and small things, both of which are now a threat to your recovery, out of your life. This gal did you a huge favor. You don't know it yet. When you get to the top . . . you'll be able to wave down at her. Trust me, she'll still be there. Congratulations. Court | ||
| Bluzm2 |
I wasn't going to chime in on this as it's hitting a bit close to home. A very good friend and cowork had an addiction problem not that long ago. Like you it was heroin. It had it claws in deep. This person lost most everything, a home, a serious relationship, $$$, almost their life. They went through extensive inpatient and outpatient rehab. Halfway house, the whole deal. Last Friday they were let go from work.. I fear a relapse but have not been able to verify. Like I said, a bit too close to home.... That said, I had a converstion with another coworker yesterday. Her son had the same problem a few years back. He got clean and sober and got serious. He finished up his degree in biochem at the top of his class. My coworker told me he just got his last offer for his advanced degree program. Full boat ride no less. The last one was from MIT, he has the same offer from Princeton, Harvard, Northwestern, and a host of others. The lesson learned here is that it was a stumble. That's all. It's only a failure if you don't get back up. You have. Take what Court (and the others) said above to heart, he is dead on track. Brad | ||
| Anonymous |
I post this anonymously because I too use heroine and alcohol and don't want people to think lesser of me. Call me a coward or a wimp, expose me if you wish, but my fiance skims over BadWeB and I don't want her to know since we've been together for around 3 years and I don't want her to leave me like that bitch did to the original poster. And I'm not going to start a new thread cause I'll just give BadWeB a bad reputation about it being a place for junkies. Heroines made my life one big set of lies. My work thinks I'm narcoleptic cause I pass out, my fiance thinks I have extremely bad allergies, she thinks the few times I had to go to the ER from an OD were because of an asthma attack, basically I'm one big fat lie since it's always the heroine who does the talking. I don't mind though, I've never really been liked by anybody so at least it gives me something to hide behind, or lets me live in an alternate world where I can pretend like people care cause I actually feel good. This worlds too much of a shit hole, if man never had the ability to think, the Earth would be in a lot better shape than it is now, no one would be able to think therefore hate wouldn't exist. Heroine gives me that world. It let's me live freely without societys BS, lets me see things as if all is fine. I've almost died before cause of it but I tend to think of that as maybe it was a calling. Maybe I'm not supposed to go thru this, maybe I am, no one knows. Just like the universe, no one knows who started it they just know it's there because nobody really does know, nor does anybody care, they're happy and that's that, if someone isn't happy then oh well they just let them live and drag out their pathetic life until they're eating 20 pills a day to stay alive. No. That's not living. Thus, I leave you with the words of Aldous Huxley. " "Who lives longer: the man who takes heroin for two years and dies, or the man who lives on roast beef, water, and potatoes till ninety-five? One passes his twenty-four months in eternity. All the years of the beef-eater are lived only in time." | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
I hate to tell you this but you're not anonymous to the custodians. I used the anon feature once and was notified by a custodian not to use it unless I had a good reason. I'd say you have a good reason but I wanted to throw that out for general awareness. | ||
| Hex |
Anonymous, do you feel better now that you wrote this? I mean do you think that typing what you have to your BadWeB friends and enemies could be a small step in the right direction? A personal accomplishment towards recovery? Read every post above, any of us would like to help you out. IMO you've got to take the chance and trust one of us if you think talking will do. PM that person, or go find a group or individual to meet with, that might be the next step. | ||
| Mudinmyvaynes |
You can PM me anonymous person, I can tell you all about what's going to happen to you, and it's not going to be pretty. This kind of shit is never pretty, if it weren't for my friends and family, I would still be on the crap. You have to remember, when you enter a drug into your life you're basically entering more amount of loyalty to the drug instead of your surroundings like a girlfriend or fiance. So when you have to part ways with it, it literally tears a chunk out of you as if you were breaking up with a girlfriend or fiance. You can live your 24 months in eternity, but remember it will cause nothing but pain and grief for those who love or care for you for eternity. It's not worth it, you only get to live once so make it last while you can, especially with a fiance which means you may someday have a family, carry on your family name, pass on your genes, and live life like every other mammal does on this planet; without drugs. | ||
| Ninefortheroad |
Anonymous I hope and pray you will find a way to choose many years instead of 24 months... Way too many highs to be found riding 2 wheels... ....in the twisties ....on the track ....at the drag strip ....doing wheelies, stoppies, burnouts ect... ....moding customizing, farklizing your ride ....hanging out with other two-wheelers trading tall tales and tech talk ....swaping spit with some new found lady 2 wheel enthusiast you met at a bike night event ok so use your imagination from here. +1 Mud! Hoping and prayin' for the best for you too! |
