| Author | Message | ||
     Andyss1w |
i don't know what to say, or do. i do know how i feel.even though i have been seeing red flags for awhile, i have ignored them. i am just now finding out that my girlfriend of 8 years has run off with some one else. i cant understand why this has come out with so much dishonesty. part of me has died recently. i have this feeling in the deepest part of my soul which i wish on no one. the cold arctic wind is blowing through my soul. i apologize, for laying this out in front of all of you. i just don't know who to talk to, and i really needed to get this out. | ||
| Gunut75 |
Hang in there Andy! Give me a holler if you need anything. I've had a few hard times recently too. Pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
andy, don't beat yourself about it and try not to put to much into it. i'm sure there will be people who will chime in on here and you might even get invitations to go out riding from those who live close. the great thing about this place is that we look out after our own. chance are, she'll end up doing the same thing to this other guy. hang in there. we're with you. | ||
| Hardcorps |
I know that the last thing you want to hear is that everything happens for a reason, but it truly does. I was divorced just under two years ago, because she cheated! I have never been happier with my life since the divorce! A part of me will always love and care for her, it took me about a year and a half to let go of the hate and betrayal to say that. Hang in there brother! | ||
| Fahren |
Andy, Only positive stuff. Your feelings are your own, don't drag yourself down with bad feelings for yourself or for her. Just try to let go and hold onto the good memories, while moving onward. Harboring ill feelings toward her will only hurt you, so please try and stay positive by holding onto what is good and meaningful to you: friends, loved ones, your health, your passions. I used to think eight years was a long time, but I have been with my wife for 20 years now. Yikes. Time will help heal your raw edges, but don't get bitter, if you can help it. Man-hug. | ||
| Whatever |
I lost my boyfriend who was the love of my life 13 years ago... he died. It is best to talk about it as much as you need to with whoever will listen. I felt betrayed, enraged and shattered all at the same time because of the circumstances of his death. It took a very long time to recover and some days I know the wound is still there... do not hesitate to seek professional help if the grief feels like more than you can handle. Focus on the GOOD in your life no matter how small it is, surround yourself with people who love and care for you and whatever you do, do not blame yourself. Either someone is honest or they are not. Cheaters are not. | ||
| Dentguy |
Andy, I've been down that road with a relationship before and I'm sure you are hurting, but it get's better. These things usually happen for a good reason. At the moment it may not seem that way. That's why it hurts so much. In the long run it'll all make sense. Going through some tough times myself (over a year now). I went in for a simply surgery on my left shoulder because it was a little sore and woke up to a problem with my right arm, right leg and left hand (extremities). IV was put in my right arm and that's where my biggest problems are. I've been to 23 doctor visits since then with no answers. The surgery center put their hands up and of course said that they didn't do it. Lawyers won't help unless I have someone to testify that they did something wrong and can prove it. I'm screwed. My right hand fatigues quickly, my forearm muscle looks pumped up, hand stays cold most of the time, it's a little swollen and sore, both hands fall asleep and wake me all night and my right leg (below the knee) is sore with veins sticking out all over it. All this happened in a 2-3 hour window while I was under anesthesia. I can only assume it was from the IV since the worst of my problems is where they put the IV in and I can see my veins screwed up in all those problem areas. No problems with my left leg which is the furthest thing away from the IV location. My income was cut to about 1/3 of normal last year because I can't keep up the pace and unless things change, I won't be able to do all the things I love to do again. I'm not trying to compare my problems to yours and I hope it doesn't come out that way. Maybe I just need to vent a little too. Hang in there. My last relationship ended that way. Months later my ex's sister introduced me to a friend who is now my wife of 11 years. | ||
| Jramsey |
Andy My divorce from my ex was final twenty years ago yesterday as a matter of fact. She ran off with my best friend and looking back it was the biggest favor he ever did for me. It will be hard to get over the ill will and hate you have or will have for her but the sooner you do the sooner you will be able to get on with life, don't let the hate eat you up. Keep a positive attitude. | ||
| Fung |
It will get better, and it will make you stronger. better now than later. hang in their!! | ||
| Andyss1w |
thanks everybody for all the support. i hope all of you are right. right now i feel as everything is in slow motion. this pain can not leave fast enough. i am trying to keep my chin up. | ||
| Theironmaiden22 |
At least your way was somewhat better than mine. I had a girlfriend of 6 years, we met in elementary and went to middle and high school together. Until one day I was looking at her phone and found pics of her with 2 other guys. I confronted her with them and she tried telling me all these excuses but finally I just told her to f*ck off. If I'm that boring that she needed 2 other dudes to get off, she can kiss my ass. Until my Senior year in high school, which is when I met my current Fiance, Samahr. I never knew what real love was until I met her. Before, it was more of a status thing, I still loved her but it wasn't a deep love. And when I found the pics I knew why. My point being, you never know what will happen. Fate has a funny way of doing things. One minute it's slapping you in the face then next minute you find the second half to your soul. Stay strong and positive, one day you may find a gal who is thousands of times better than your previous ever was and better than your previous ever can/will be. Hate only fuels the fire, you can slash as many tires as you want but it still won't bring that part of your soul back. Strength and determination is what does. | ||
| Ourdee |
Watch out for meeting a girl while you are on the rebound. If you were with her for 8 years, a good rule of thumb is that it will take half that or 4 years for you to really get over it. Hang in there, I know the pain is horrible. Take yourself out to dinner some place new. Don't eat too much. | ||
| Geforce |
Andy, I feel for you... unfortunately women make us out to be the cheaters and liars...but the majority of men I associate with would never fail in that department. Your trust is only as strong as the weakest link... Best advice... get yourself a Greyhound and love him and he'll be your best buddy forever and he never cares when you come home or what you want to so long as he can go with ya sometimes and lay around. Camo really helped me a lot in my last big mess. I sure appreciate having him around. If you need anyone to talk to, send me a PM. | ||
| Vampress |
Some women out there just truly don't deserve the 'good guys'. Grieve for your loss, give it some time, then move on. I said to my brother before his first marriage "don't do it" when he asked "Why? she's your friend?" I said simply said "because I know her better than you do" She left him for some loser about 7 years later, thankfully no kids involved. He is now remarried to someone so much better for him and they have happily had their first child together. I know it sounds corny, and is said so often, but things really do happen for a reason. Sounds like in this case you deserved better. The hardest thing is not to get down and bitter. I know how it feels, and it can suck you under if you let it. It took a knight on a shining X1 to save me  V | ||
| Andyss1w |
today was a little bit better. i actually got a good laugh in at work. it felt so good. | ||
| 99buellx1 |
My wife of 5 years did that also, left with her boss. Can't and won't understand. Seek help, it generally get's worse before it gets better. Now I'm the happiest I've ever been. Not all is lost. What you need now is to find yourself and be that person you want. | ||
| Ducxl |
today was a little bit better.  Plenty of fish in the sea,too.Don't know how old you are but,in my case i must've dated 8 women in the 6 months after losing that ole' girlfriend.Have some fun friend.There's a Woman out there looking for ya'.Yup | ||
| Steve_mackay |
it generally get's worse before it gets better. Yes it does. Been there, done that. I Got married to my 1st wife after being with her for 6 years. Like you, I ignored the red flags. About 9 month later we had a baby girl. One day, she decided she didn't want to be married any longer. So she left my daughter and I for about 6 months. Come to find out, the 'lil girl wasn't mine either. I found this out AFTER I was fighting for custody. Which the courts deemed me the better parent, but still refused to grant me custody, even though I had been "Daddy", and the only stable thing in this little girls life. Come to find out, the "father' of this 'lil girl wasn't even the one she left me for. It was satisfying when the judge asked my ex if they needed to start opening the phone book to find the father, who owed *ME* 2 years of child support. 1 month after the courts denied me support, my ex gave up custody to her parents. I'm still very good friends with My ex-wife's sisters. My Ex now has 3 children with 3 different fathers. And now my "daughter" is going through some serious emotional and mental problems. Now her grand parents are going through a divorce themselves. Every father figure she's ever know has disappeared. I still have the original birth certificate, which I will mail her on her 18th birthday. July 7th, 2012. So be thankful that your girl friend did you a favor by doing this now. It would be far worse if you had children involved! Also, the saying... "There are more fish in the sea" is true. I have now found my best friend & my soul mate. We do EVERYTHING together, and cherish every moment we spend together! I know I'm the luckiest man on earth. Every now and then I think back to how my life WOULD have turned out if my ex hadn't have left. And I shudder! I'm so much better off than I would have been. And trust me, you're better off as well. Good Luck! | ||
| Fast1075 |
Hang in there bro...time truly does heal all wounds...or at least time drives the bad away...it will just take time...eventually that cold wind will become a warm breeze...been there...it ain't easy at first...but it will pass. If she calls you, just say goodbye and hang up...it's done...she is not worth the sweat off your ass. Don't think for a minute it will be all better...she will just be playing you..turn your back and walk away. It is hard, but it could be worse...as a young man, I was engaged...I was with my girl on a Thursday evening, we made plans for Friday night...when I went to pick her up Friday night, she was gone...I asked her mother where she was...she didn't know...a week later I found out she had run off with my "best" friend...she stayed with him long enough to have a kid. After she got tired of him beating her up, she ran off and showed up at my door one night....I called a taxi and paid her fare to get across town to her mother's house...that hurt worse than my parents death...last time I heard, she was with her 5th husband. She was so good at shuffling men, nobody knew she was doing it...or at least nobody would say. It's easy to ignore the signs because you wanted for it to work...but if she had a sliver of respect for herself or for you, she would have set you down and told you it wasn't working and she was leaving...what she did was go looking for greener pastures..that is low...conniving and just plain wrong...a man deserves better than that. | ||
| Metalrabbit |
I just about typed the same thing in the middle of Fast1075's post. No contact of any kind if possible, they'll play you like a fiddle. Mostly they're contact is an effort to make THEM feel better,, don't cave here,, its important. Alcohol makes it much worse and you don't go anywhere, so avoid it,, and stay alive! (Message edited by metalrabbit on January 18, 2010) | ||
| Steve_mackay |
Yup, if she comes running back, DO NOT FALL FOR IT. She did it once, she'll do it again. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
A case of cream corn, a fresh big box of buckshot shells, and the trusted pump shotgun. It wont bring her back, it wont make her any less gone... but it is very cathartic levelling a flat of cream corn. It always brightens my mood. if all else fails. Trust in the words of my nephew. "Get another booger, you never miss the last one, when you have a new one on your finger" | ||
| Strokizator |
The best revenge is living well. Women generally tend to look to others to make them happy. She wasn't happy, so it must be your fault. In another year she still won't be happy and it will be some other guy's fault. Let me guess, she's in her early 30's? Move on to a better life. | ||
| Guell |
The best revenge is living well. spoken for the truth. I had a serious gf walk out on me with another guy. A few months later the thing she disliked the most was that i was out happily living my life while she wasnt. (Message edited by Guell on January 18, 2010) | ||
| Anonymous |
I guess that I can add misery of My own to this thread. Girl Stalks Boy for 8Yrs, Boy eventually gives in, & finds out soon after hookin' up that Girl is Psycho. Boy tries to get rid of Girl. Girl accuses Boy of giving Her "the gift that keeps on giving". Boy relents and marries "Psycho", I mean Girl. Boy lands Great Job. Girl picks up MANY new Spending habits, since Boy is not around. Boy eventually MARRIES Girl, buys the cars the big house, the Credit Cards, but one thing missing - "BABY". Job on the Rocks now with the Turning down of Economy, but the Spending would Rage on, and best Surprise for last, the Baby comes. 10 months after Baby comes, Girl leaves with Baby, files for soul Custody, and gets an Okey Dokey from Judge with no consult from Daddy. Oh, and the Divorce Settlement with Attourneys Fees costs a cool Hundred Grand,- One month after I was Let go from My job. Divorce Attourney asks Boy "did You ever get Tested for "IT". No says Boy. To get tested I go. NO Herpes says Boy's Dr. Great. I married a Psycho cuz I was too Stupid to get tested for a Venereal Disease. How do I know that She actually had it, You may ask? Lets just Say that I know what Valtrex is used for, and have seen the bottles that "MY" work covered Health Insurance paid for. And said Baby is not mine, either. I am Sterile, and had to "Hire Out", so to Speak to have a Baby. I am not Ashamed of being Sterile, but was and am STILL Completely devastated 3 Yrs later, that said Girl waited until Every Single Duck was lined up and then to leave when My job was going to China. To have gone from Happily Single to Completely F***ed by Girl and Courts in 10 Yrs., I'm Depressed to being almost Completely Paralyzed and cannot get Treatment for Depression as I make too much money on Unenjoyment to see a Dr., while also going back and trying to pass College, which is just about to come down on My head. If Anyone thinks that Depression is "It's All in Your Head" pardon the Pun, I would Gladly let You live even ONE of My Days, and then try to say HTFU. Am I looking for Sympathy? No. Am I asking for Help. Probably, but it hasn't found Me, and I have not found it yet. I will post this as Anonymous, as it is hard enough to face Family, let alone on the off chance that I may meet Any of You. And one last note. Though i can not get the Medical/ Mental Help that I need, I STILL do not want Government Run Healthcare. | ||
| Daveswan |
It does take a long time... I was in a similar situation. In my case a reaaalllyyy long time... that pain of having you're guts ripped out is one of the worst feeling imaginable. Drives some people straight off the deep end. I used to think a lot about maybe how I could have done something different etc... Then there's that Bonnie Rait song I used to play in my head over and over. there's someone probably every day getting their hearts broken... I'd rather be on the not-broken heart side but that didn't happen that way. A life's little lesson I rather have not had. There's a saying "that which does not kill us only makes us stronger". I get it, but I'm sort-of jaded and a little harder on the outside. Maybe that's part of something I needed to become. Time does heal wounds... just take it a step at a time. Don't jump into anything too quickly. Best let emotions simmer a bit but after awhile you'll see there's a lot of people out there. | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
$hitty sit rep for sure. Nothing said will change the circumstances or how you feel. If it's any consolation, we each daily face our own personal hell living lives of quiet desperation. | ||
| X5thxgearxfreak |
Time does not always heal. My grandfather still lives his days as if he were still fighting the Bosch. Seeing a unit of your best mates get blown to f*ckin bits by a f*ckin Tiger tank does NOT heal with time. Every single day he wishes he could've been there to die with them, just so he wouldn't have to live with their loss. My cousin who was serving in Iraq had a mortar shell drop straight through his humvees turret, took both his legs and turned his mates into f*ckin human soup. He's going to counseling, he's taking meds to reduce the anxiety, but he still relives that moment like the day that mortar round dropped in his truck. You can not tell me time heals all wounds. Relationships can heal, because you can find someone else to fill that hole that the person left. Some holes just don't have a bottom in order to fill up. Go to the pub, drink yourself soggy and try to forget about the whole deal. If there's a red light district where you live I'd take a roll through it. I always take a stroll through the East End if I'm feeling down, just to see some of the horrible shit people live, which makes me look at my life and makes me feel loads better. I've been through multiple girlfriends, everytime they left, or I left them; I always felt like someone ripped out a part of my soul. What's helped me is to take a good motorbike cruise, don't wrench the throttle, just take a nice stroll to clear your mind. Repeat as necessary for as long as takes you to get your mind off of that f*ckin slut. | ||
| Ft_bstrd |
When I'm down, I usually watch an episode or two of Intervention. Somehow it makes me feel better. | ||
| Metalrabbit |
I would really not recommend drinking, it just creates another problem that can be difficult on it's own. Well, if there's any believers here you know what to do. They're names "Anonymous" and "Andyss1w" will be enough. |
