| Author | Message | ||
     Dalton_gang |
I have been thinking about starting this thread for over a year now and until now felt like it would have been improper. At this point I can’t hardly take any of the b.s. anymore. I have given this person every benefit of every doubt and have tried to be supportive and now I feel like it is time to fight. This is an extremely long story and I will try to keep this brief but I would appreciate some advice and or some help to expose this person for what he is. The beginning part of the story is fairly typical. Girl (daughter) meets boy, girl gets pregnant, girl and boy get married, girl has baby. The next part of the story is fairly typical also. Boy is complete dead beat, completely hopeless, decides to join navy to run away from his problems. Leaves wife and baby to fend for themselves. Boy shows zero interest, no phone calls, no financial support, nothing. Meanwhile boy is not only earning whatever salary the navy pays but is also receiving additional monies meant for housing of wife and child and extra money for separation of family while deployed. Of course none of that money is being spent to support said wife or child. Eight months after child’s birth boy files for divorce. Girl gets pissed off at boy and approximately 13 months after child’s birth boy is required by the navy to pay support money to wife and child which is immediately rescinded by boy’s attorney. Keep in mind that girl is not only unprepared for this abandonment but is also mentally unstable and child is being raised, supported, nurtured, loved by grandparents (me and Jan). Approximately 16 months after child’s birth grandparents filed a motion to intervene in divorce and also grandparents rights requesting custody of child and financial support from both girl and boy. When boy realized that he was not only going to lose his additional monies from the military for having two dependants and was going to have to pay child support to the grandparents boy began to scheme and plot and figure that if he had sole physical custody that he could avoid paying the support money and would also maintain the additional money from the navy. At eighteen months after child’s birth judge granted temporary physical custody to boy. Boy flew child 2100 miles to naval base in Bremerton, WA where he is stationed. Approximately 2 ½ days later boy dumps child off at girls. Approximately 1 week after girl gets child girl dumps child back at grandparents. At nineteen months after child’s birth boy flies to St. Louis and stalks grandparents house looking for grandmother to be home with child and grandfather to be gone. After believing that grandfather wasn’t going anywhere boy shows up with police to pick up child. Child was not at grandparents home at the time and boy flew back to WA empty handed. Approximately 4 days later boy’s father (evil grandfather) picks up child and escorts child to Bremerton, WA. Approximately 3 days later boy dumps child at (evil grandmother’s) in southern CA. Keep in mind evil grandmother was found unfit to raise her own child when he was 5 years old and also happens to have 5 kids from 5 different men. Not exactly the type of person that should be raising this child. Ok, now that I got all that crap out of the way and you have a fairly descent understanding of the history of this matter my question is how can I expose this person and have him investigated and put him through a little hell that he greatly deserves. Personally I would love to find out that he will have to lick toilets for the next 5 years. Boy is a liar and a cheat and is extremely dishonorable. When we were in court and the judge was hearing his testimony he lied under oath several times in order to benefit himself, not the child. The last thing we want is to be raising somebody else’s kid and taking somebody else’s money but this child deserves a hell of a lot more than he is going to get with his real father. I suspect that their will be at least one person out there who could help steer us in the right direction to get this crook exposed and have him punished for what he has done for the past 19 months. My sincere apologies for this way off topic thread. This is who we (the grandparents) are fighting for.  | ||
| Richsm2 |
send this info to his commanding officer.The military does not like deadbeats either. | ||
| Petereid |
Keep fighting! The kids are always worth it. I have a grandson with "screwed up" parents as well so I know how it feels and how frustrating it can be when you feel your the only one looking out for the baby Pete | ||
| Tbolt_pilot |
In the Navy, his Master Chief (the senior enlisted person in a unit) would be a big help in kicking his little squid a$$ if he deserves it. And it sounds as if he REALLY deserves it. I agree with Richsm2 that his chain of command needs to know about this as his is most likely lying to all of them as to the status of girl and child. If there is proof that no monies were being used to support either of them with housing or subsistence then you have a case. I'm no lawyer, but did you claim them as far as taxes or anything? I'll bet he can't provide proof of any kind of money going to girl and/or child through a bank transfer or allotment. There would be records either way. If there was NO support, not even letters or calls, then how can he prove he was "supporting" them? Does he have any documentation that he is maintaining a household for them? Feeding them? Anything? Doesn't sound like it. The only thing he is feeding is a line to the Navy. Find his unit, the Master Chief, the Commander... keep going up the chain until somebody takes action. That precious child deserves a loving family, no matter how few members of it there are. | ||
| Cityxslicker |
I live in Bremerton, If I had a nickel for every sailor that knocked up a girl that wasnt prepared for it, responsible for it, and willing to man up..... damn I could retire. Its been going on for decades and is the number one reason I got my shiate snipped before going on WestPac. If there is true fraud, waste and abuse with Navy funds, your outlet is NCIS, they are the ones responsible for investigating that. And yes alimony non payment is something we chased even after separation from the service. | ||
| Odie |
Definitely contact his Master Chief and/or Commander. Once his Command is aware of what is going on they will exert some additional pressure hopefully. I would have your/her attorney contact JAG (military attorneys, if you didn't know). As Tbolt_pilot stated, he is defrauding the Govt if the monies he is receiving isn't going to it's intended purpose. I would continue until you are happy that the child (the most important thing in this whole sad story) is being taken care of in a good home. Good luck. The squeaky wheel in this case will get greased the most IMO. He needs to care for his child, period. | ||
| Dalton_gang |
Tbolt_pilot Your point about providing proof is one of the points we brought up in our court battle and are still trying to obtain his bank records. Court system is really screwed up. We are in a situation where we have to prove him unwilling and or unfit. For the first few months after he got out of boot camp the girl still had access to the boy's bank statements and pretty much every record indicated that his money was spent at hotels and liquor stores. I guess I should correct myself since I was a bit incorrect when I stated he provided no financial support. Jan tells me that once the navy stepped in they did garnish his pay for 2 months until his attorney had the amount reduced significantly and then it was rescinded. So in the dead beats defence he did in fact pay 5 months of support but that was not even voluntary since it was garnished. Of course we the grandparents have not seen one penny. Keep in mind the child has lived with us the grandparents since the day he came home from the hospital with the exception of a couple of weeks. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
prior to being discharged from the navy i had been informed by one of my shipmates as to certain dealing's of the dispersing clerk on the ship and to be mindful of what takes place during the paperwork on my final day. nothing seemed odd to me that day but about 8 months later i get a letter from the gubmint saying i was over paid at discharge. having remembered what this person told me about the clerk, i wrote a nice letter back to the gubmint about this discussion and never heard another word about it. if he's pulling the wool over someones eye's then he's got help. all you have to do is give them a fairly good reson to investigate and chances are they will take care of the rest. a very well worded letter could not hurt. don't give up hope, you have a very good reason to fight this to the end. | ||
| Dalton_gang |
Odie We totally agree that the child should be cared for and raised by his loving mother and father but it doesn't look like that is ever going to happen. We just don't want to see this kid get dumped into "the system" | ||
| Elsinore74 |
+1 on Richsm2's advice. No service tolerates the behavior you've described. I don't speak Navy, but here's my two cents: You have a good running record of dates/times/places and people involved. Keep this up; documentation is vital. Character references for the evil grandmother (public records, if available, are even better) will improve your argument. Find the boy's unit of assignment if you don't already know it (vessel; or possibly school, since he's new to the service) and send your information to his chain of command. In your research and pursuit, record all points of contact (POC) you make, no matter how trivial. You can sort out the unnecessary stuff later. If I can think of anything else to help, I'll post it here. Good Luck and God Bless. | ||
| Pkforbes87 |
When contacting his command, try to get in touch with his COMMAND Master Chief specifically. There may be more than one MC at his command, but the CMC will be the best to handle this situation. Also, have proof available if at all possible. This guy's command will be more than happy to straighten him up and get his child into the proper caregiver's hands, but they won't want to put a lot of time into researching the truthfullness of your story. Having evidence of the biological father's lack of responsibility will go a long way. Hope it all works out well. I hear and see this story all too often. BTW, not all of us Navy guys are dead beats  | ||
| Joshinga |
OK Just a little background on myself I'm creeping up on 11 years in the navy so I have seen this a time or two. Now About your issues I have been around long enough so see on many occasion once the Chain of command ie: CO, JAG, CMC, DIVO, LCPO, LPO and so on is giving hard prof that there is a rat on the ship they will do all they can to squash him.and if it is determined that he was not using the provided Housing allowance he will be required to repay all of it. What I would do is find the email addy for all of the guys I mentioned before. If you can't At least get the CO, JAG, and CMC. Get all of your info together and email,mail,fax what ever you prefer it to them with a very nice letter pleading your case. And keep on them for answers. I hope that helps. (Message edited by joshinga on December 14, 2009) | ||
| Dalton_gang |
This is Jan (Mrs. Dalton gang), Thank you so much for taking your time to share your thoughts. It really means a lot to Neal and I. Neal said you guys probably wouldn't mind so I'm planning to forward a link to this thread to the Ombudsman for the ship which this person is stationed (John C. Stennis)and try to get some attention regarding this matter. Neal says that now I have to go to homecoming and buy everyone a round of drinks for all the support and help you guys are giving us with this. lol | ||
| Acgwolfe |
You need to document everything that happens, names, dates, places everything, like a journal. Keep all receipts for any money that you spend on the child to back up what you put in the journal, if you take the boy to the Dr. document it. When you see the boy after he has been with the father and his family take pictures of anything that is not right, such as the condition of his clothes, if he was hungry or dirty document it, and have witnesses that are not family. And remember details are what really proves your side. Dont let anyone know you are doing this until you got enough evidence to stick it to him. At this point no matter how bad you hate to, be nice to him and his family, you will get his trust and maybe be allowed to keep the boy more which only makes your case stronger. Good luck. | ||
| Teddagreek |
Definitely contact his Master Chief and/or Commander. +1 They'll garnish wages back to day 1... Seen it happen a bunch of times.... | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Oh it can get right nasty, failure to pay child support will get your clearance under review, stall all transfers, including out processing, may get you brig time, and will show up on any DOD back ground check run. (not getting alot of positions involving trust and security if you cant take care of home effectively) And if you are out, but your dependant is still covered by the system, Ie if you have retirement benefits, those too will be garnished. You can also ensure that he doesnt move with the boat when it leaves the dock... that will directly affect promotion and pay. | ||
| Dalton_gang |
This is Jan (Mrs. Dalton gang) I spoke with one of the Ombudsman on the ship and feel like I am making some progress. She seems very receptive and cared. She assured me that all higher chain of command would get a copy of my email with a link to this thread and I would hear back from someone within a few days. I will post an update and let everyone know how things progress. Thank you so much everyone for your advice. | ||
| 99savage |
Sorry for your problems - you seem like real good people. If you know where said boy is stationed consider starting w/ the Chaplain - Should be a sympathetic audience & might give you some sound advice + aid in bypassing "chain-of-command" issues. (When dealing w/ a Chaplain you might skip the "lick toilets" stuff when & add more "take responsibility & welfare of the child" things.) Even if you do resolve the financial & ethical matters your problems are not over. - Presently courts seem to give almost unlimited weight to blood. - Fortunately for you mothers out weigh fathers by a long shot. (Message edited by 99Savage on December 15, 2009) | ||
| Eboos |
The Navy or any branch of service has no room or tolerance for someone of such low character. Good luck in your fight. | ||
| Dalton_gang |
"Fortunately for you mothers out weigh fathers by a long shot." Unfortunately in our case the mother is incapable and unwilling to to take responsibility at this time. | ||
| Hootowl |
Who does the child stay with while he is deployed? Is that consistent with the document he filed with his command detailing the care of his sole-custody dependent during deployments? Filing a false official statement will get him in hot water in a hurry. Leverage... | ||
| Hootowl |
I'm also a little fuzzy on how "boy is required by the navy to pay support money to wife and child which is immediately rescinded by boy’s attorney" is possible. Was this a court order? Was there child support and alimony awarded in the divorce decree? The Navy WILL follow the court order. Did the Navy require him to pay (because they can do that regardless of a court order, all the wife has to say is that he's not supporting her and they'll set up an an allotment against his will) or was it a court order? | ||
| Hootowl |
Also, WA state has some pretty aggressive child support enforcement. If they were divorced in WA, the child is a ward of the state as far as support goes. Have you tried working through the state? | ||
| Dalton_gang |
This is Jan, Boy and girl were married in MO so they have to get divorced in the state of MO which has been dragging on because of boy and still isn't final. The first time boy was deployed in early November boy had girl care for child which only lasted a week and she moved back to MO and handed child to me. He is currently deployed and flew the child to southern CA to live with his mother (evil grandmother) who lost custody of boy when he was only 5 years old for being unfit. As far as court documents in MO both boy and girl have joint legal custody but boy had sole physical custody. My attorney said that the way he understands the documents that if boy doesn't have physical custody of child then girl should have him, not his mother in CA. I do not know who he put down in paperwork with the navy on who will be caring for the child while he is deployed. Yes, the navy did make boy pay child support $1,425.00 per month for 2 months and then boy had his attorney in MO file a motion to modify child support and had it reduced down to $400.00 per month and only had to pay that amount for 3 months and the judge cancelled support money altogether even though I still at that time had temporary sole physical custody of child. I would like to make something clear, and that is we are not in this fight for the money. In fact this child has lived with us for 19 months (with the exception of a few weeks here and there) and we have not received a penny of financial support but it sure would be nice to have some financial support so that I can get on with running my business and be able to pay for daycare, preschool, etc. That is assuming that we get him back where I feel he belongs. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
jan, you and neal should sit down and document everything in a good letter then send it out to his command, and find out what part of the navy that handles the family problems, i'm sure they have something, and send them a letter also. i don't know whether it would help or impeed sending his lawyer everything you know. more than likely, he's lying to him also. what ever you do, don't give up. | ||
| Dalton_gang |
This is Jan, I received a response back from the Ombudsman on the ship. Sounds like they are not forwarding my email or links to higher command. They are alerting higher command my concern with the welfare of the child and how the boy keeps leaving the child with different people while he is deployed that the child doesn't know. Boy is also a stranger to his own child. If boy wants full custody of child then he needs to raise child himself rather than only keeping him for a few days and then handing him over to someone else all the time. I need to call or send them another email because there is a lot more to all of this than what they only want to address. The Ombudsman wont give me higher commands email or phone number to contact. They say I have to go through Ombudsman and they forward to where it needs to go. I'm not giving up. | ||
| P47b |
I talked to my family about this and most of it has been covered in prior posts. But here is a list anyway. There are some other ideas also in there. [1] Document everything. Otherwise, it is only hearsay and that is easily ignored. [2] Make copies and always keep the originals! [3] Command Master Chief, Chaplain and Ombudsman are wonderful points of contact, and it sounds as if the grandparents have contacted them. One other possible point of contact is the Congressman [both the grandparents', and the sailor's] [4] $1400 a month is way high for child support - probably child support + alimony. [5] Like it or no, there's a lot of emotion involved. When contacting officials, keeping emotion out of the story is the best way to go. [6] NCIS is also good - it's not just a TV show with a former UCLA quarterback and some Hot Topic Punkette; the real NCIS features humourless guys in cheap suits who enjoy ferreting out corruption. [7] Waste, fraud, and abuse. The Navy has a Waste, Fraud and Abuse Hotline: NAVY Hotline Program Navy Hotline Phone: (800) 522-3451 Email: NAVIGHotlines@navy.mil Ok, ok, it is now titled Fraud, Waste and Abuse. Same thing! [8] The grandparents will probably have to gain legal custody of the child. To do that, they will have to show that the father, mother, and opposing grandparents are incapable of providing proper care and attention to the child. Documentation again. Hope this helps - I think the they are on the right track, and nearly every stone has been overturned [well, I'm chipping in with Hotline and Congressman]. Having a better lawyer than the other side also goes a long way. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
i was just thinking the congressman one minute ago myself. you'd be amazed at what congressman have done for servicemen and woman themselves. no reason why it couldn't go the other way around. | ||
| J2blue |
Neil, I don't have any advice. I do want to thank you and your wife for caring enough to do the right thing for this child. Hang in there and know you are doing what is good and right. | ||
| Delta_one |
what is the first Sargent equivalent in the Navy? In the Army and the Air Force this is the guy to talk to for issues. he is normally understanding and VERY tired of hearing when his troops screw up civilians lives. his reports and actions will normally find there way onto the desk of an officer in charge. but if you don't get what you want from him he SHOULD be willing to pass you up the chain of command. but don't forget to ask for names and exact unit identification for said boy (read "deadbeat") |
