| Author | Message | ||
     Hex |
There was a young lady of Kew, Who said as the Curate withdrew, "The Vicar is slicker, And quicker and thicker, And two inches longer than you." chorus: That was a cute little rhyme, Sing us another one, Just like the other one, Sing us another one do. There was a young lady named Alice, Who used dynamite for a phallus, They found her vagina, In North Carolina, Her arsehole in Buckingham Palace. *Chorus* When her daughter got married in Bicester, Her mother remarked as she kissed her, "That fellow you've won, Is sure to be fun, Since tea he's ****** me and your sister." *Chorus* The jolly old Bishop of Birmingham, He buggered three maids while confirming 'em, As they knelt seeking God, He excited his rod, And pumped his Episcopal Sperm in 'em. *Chorus* There once was a young man from Brighton, Who said to a young lass, "You're a tight'un!" She said, "Listen, Hon, You're in the wrong one. There's plenty of room in the right one." *Chorus* A fisherman off of Cape Cod, Who attempted to bugger a cod, When up came some scallops, That nibbled his bullocks, And now he's eunuch, by God. *Chorus* There was a young harlot of Crete, Who was hawking her meat in the street, Ambling out one fine day, In a casual way, She clapped up the whole British fleet. *Chorus* A lady while dining at Crewe, Found an elephant's dong in her stew, Said the waiter, "Don't shout, Or wave it about, Or the others will all want one too.!" *Chorus* There was a young woman of Croft, Who played with herself in a loft, Having reasoned that candles, Could never cause scandals, Besides which they did not go soft. *Chorus* There was a young man named Dave, Who kept a dead ***** in a cave, She was missing a tit, And smelled quite a bit, But think of the money he saves. *Chorus* There once was a girl from Decator, Who was laid by a big alligator, Now nobody knew, The results of that screw, Cuz after he laid her he ate her. *Chorus* There was a young lady from Dee, Whose hymen was split into three, And when she was diddled, The middle string fiddled, "Nearer, My God, To Thee." *Chorus* There was a young lady of Dexter, Whose husband exceedingly vexed her, For whenever they'd start, He'd unfailingly fart, With a blast that damn nearly unsexed her. *Chorus* There once was a young lady named Dot, Who lived on pigshit and snot, When she could not get these, She ate the green cheese, That she scraped off the sides of her ****. *Chorus* There was a strong man of Drumrig, Who one day did seven times frig, He buggered three sailors, Four butchers, two tailors, And ended by ******* a pig. *Chorus* There was an old man of Duluth, Whose **** was shot off in his youth, He ****** with his nose, And with fingers and toes, And he came through a hole in his tooth. *Chorus* There was an old man of Dundee, Who came home as drunk as could be. He wound up the clock, With the end of his ****, And buggered his wife with the key. *Chorus* There was a young lady of Exeter, So pretty that men craned their necks at her. One went so far, As to wave from his car, The distinguishing mark of this sex at her. *Chorus* There was a young lady from France, Who decided to take just one chance. For an hour or so, She just let herself go, And now all her sisters are aunts. *Chorus* A young man with passions quite gingery, Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie. He slapped her behind, And made up his mind, To add incest to insult and injury. *Chorus* A TV anchor named Hughes, Had a ratings trick that couldn't lose, When an item was hot, It's taped to her twat, And she's on the air spreading the news. *Chorus* A fellow whose surname was Hunt, Trained his **** to perform a slick stunt. This versatile spout, Could be turned inside out, Like a glove that he used as a ****. *Chorus* There once was a girl from Jayling, Who said she had no sexual feeling. Until a cynic named Boris, Touched her clitoris, And they're still scraping her off the ceiling. *Chorus* There was a young fellow named Keith, Who liked to be fondled beneath. It was fun, he decided, But only provided The girl used her lips, not her teeth. *Chorus* There was a young couple named Kelly, Who once got stuck belly to belly, Because in their haste, They used library paste, Instead of petroleum jelly. *Chorus* There was a young fellow from Kent, Whose ***** was so long that it bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of cumming he went. *Chorus* There was a young lady from Kew, Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it too." *Chorus* There was a young fellow named Kimble, Whose **** was exceedingly nimble, But fragile and slender, And dainty and tender, So he kept it encased in a thimble. *Chorus* There was a young plumber of Lea, Who was plumbing a girl by the sea. She said, "Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming!" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!" *Chorus* There was a young fellow from Leeds, Who swallowed a package of seeds. Great tufts of grass, Sprouted out of his ass, And his balls were all covered with weeds. *Chorus* There was a young man from Lynn, Whose prick was the size of a pin. Said his girl with a laugh, As she fondled his staff, "This won't be much of a sin." *Chorus* There was a young lady from Maine, Who enjoyed copulating on a train. Not once, I maintain, But again and again, And again and again and again. *Chorus* I once knew a girl named Maureen Her **** was a mass of gangrene But health nuts she found Would still eat her mound 'Cause maggots are high in protein *Chorus* There was a young girl named McCall, Whose **** was exceedingly small, But the size of her anus, Was something quite heinous- It could hold seven ***** and one ball. *Chorus* A disgusting young man named McGill, Made his neighbors exceedingly ill, When they learned of his habits, Involving white rabbits, And a bird with a flexible bill. *Chorus* There once was a man named McNamiter, With a tool of prodigious diameter, But it wasn't the size, That opened girls eyes, 'Twas his beat iambic pentameter. *Chorus* There once was a fellow named McSweeney, Who spilled some gin on his weenie, Now just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girl a martini. *Chorus* There was a young woman named Melanie, Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?" She replied, "No siree, I give it away for free. To sell it, dear sir, is a felony. *Chorus* There once was a young man from Missouri, Who ****** with a terrible fury, Till hauled into court, For his bestial sport, And condemned by a poorly hung jury. *Chorus* There was a young maid from Mobile, Whose ***** was made of blue steel. She got her thrills, From pneumatic drills, And off-centered emery wheels. *Chorus* There was a young man of Nantucket, Whose prick was so long he could suck it, He said, with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were I ****, I'd **** it." *Chorus* An elderly pervert in Nice, Who was long past wanting a piece, Would jack-off his hogs, His cows and his dogs, Till his parrot called in the police. *Chorus* A hermit who had an oasis, Thought it the best of all places. He could pray and be calm, 'Neath a pleasant date palm, While the lice on his penis ran races. *Chorus* There was a young man from Paree, Who buggered an ape in a tree, The result was quite horrid, All ass and no forehead, Three balls and a purple goatee. *Chorus* There was a young man from Rancine, Who invented a ******* machine, Concave or convex, It could fit either sex, And jerk itself off in between. *Chorus* Rosalina, a pretty young lass, Had a truly magnificent ass, Not rounded and pink, As you possibly think- It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. *Chorus* A Scotsman who lived by the Loch, Had holes down the length of his ****, When he got an erection, He would play a selection, From Johann Sebastian Bach. *Chorus* There was a young nun from Siberia, Endowed with a virgin interior, Until an old monk, Jumped into her bunk, And now she's the Mother Superior. *Chorus* There was a young lady from Sydney, Who took it right up to the kidney, One fellow by heck, Went right up to his neck, He had a big one now, didn't he? *Chorus* There was a young man of St. James, Who indulged in the jolliest of games. He lighted the rim, Of his grandmother's glim, And laughed as she pissed through the flames. *Chorus* There was a young man of St. Johns, Who wanted to bugger the swans. "Oh no," said the porter, "You bugger my daughter, Them swans is reserved for the Dons." *Chorus* There was a young lady of Trent, Who said that she knew what it meant, When he asked her to dine, Private room, lots of wine, She knew, oh she knew, but she went! *Chorus* There was a young student of Trinity, Who shattered his sister's virginity. He buggered his brother, Had twins by his mother, And took double honour in Divinity. *Chorus* A broken down harlot named Tupps, Was heard to confess in her cups: "The height of my folly, Was ******* a collie- But I got a nice price for the pups." *Chorus* At the orgy I ****** twenty-two, And man, was I glad to get through, A whole night of sexing, Turns boring and vexing, But at orgies, what else can you do? *Chorus* There was a young lady of Twickenham, Who regretted that men had no prick in them, On her knees every day, To her God she would pray, To lengthen and strengthen, and thicken 'em. *Chorus* A lady astrologist in Vancouver, Once captured a man by maneuver. Influenced by Venus, She jumped on his penis, And nothing on Earth could remove her. *Chorus* A maiden who lived in Virginny, Had a **** that could bark, neigh and whinny. The hunting set chased her, ******, buggered, then dropped her, For the pitch of her organ went tinny. *Chorus* There once was a lady from Wheeling, Who protested she lacked sexual feeling, til a cynic named Boris, Touched her Clitoris, And the scraped her off the ceiling *Chorus* There once was a ***** on the dock, From dusk until dawn she sucked ••••, 'Til one day it's said, She gave so much head, She exploded and whitewashed the block. *Chorus* A organist playing in York, Had a prick that could hold a small fork. And between obbligatos, He'd munch at tomatoes, And keep up his strength while at work. *Chorus* There was a young man from Uppingham Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham Watching the stunts of the ***** in the punts & the tricks of the ***** that was ******* em. *Chorus*}} | ||
| Milt |
Bravo hex. | ||
| Gjwinaus |
I like Limericks There once was an old man Nottingham Junction, Whose organ had long ceased to function, He fooled his good wife, For the rest of her life, With the aid of a constables truncheon, There was a young girl from Baroda, Who built an erotic pagoda, The walls of its hall. Were festooned with the balls, And the tools of the fools who bestrode her. There once was a pirate named Yates, Who could dance the Fandango on skates, He fell on his cutlass, Which rendered him nut-less, And perfectly useless on dates. There was a young man from Kent, Whose derrick was terribly bent, To save all the trouble, He stuck it in double, Instead of coming he went. There was a young man from Khartomb, Took a lesbian up to his room, They argue a lot , About who would do what, And how, and with which, and to whom. (Message edited by GJWinAus on December 15, 2009) |
