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Fast1075
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 05:14 pm: | 
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Chuck Norris is so bad...he jumps off bikes just to smooth the asphalt..
Chuck Norris is so bad...he wears a hornets nest for a hat.. |
Doughnut
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 05:29 pm: |
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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. |
Not_purple_s2
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 05:49 pm: |
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Chuck Norris swam the english channel, without coming up for air. |
Greenlantern
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 06:49 pm: |
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When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. |
Doughnut
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 07:03 pm: |
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. |
Doughnut
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 07:04 pm: |
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Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the •••• down. |
Ladysleez
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 09:08 pm: |
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Chuck Norris has a night light..
not because he is afraid of the dark...the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris |
Tbolt_pilot
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 03, 2009 - 11:45 pm: |
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My fav.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity....twice! |
Fast1075
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 09:27 am: |
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Chuck Norris is so bad....his shadow can kick yerass. |
Beache
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 10:49 am: |
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When Chuck Norris jumps in the water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised!
When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it's not because he is gay, it's because he ran out of women.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk, when the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris.
People ask the Priest, the Priest asks the Pope, the Pope asks God, and God asks Chuck Norris. |
Greenlantern
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 11:02 am: |
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After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. |
Not_purple_s2
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 11:04 am: |
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When women have sex with God they scream "Oh, Chuck Norris!"
one for the nerds...
Chuck Norris killed Schrodinger's cat. |
Jimidan
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 11:31 am: |
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What do you get when you breed Chuck Norris with a peanut butter sandwich?
An a$$hole that will stick to the roof of your mouth.
It's a joke son, a joke... |
Hr_puffinstuff
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 01:21 pm: |
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When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it's not because he is gay, it's because he ran out of women.
this is not true.
he does it just to see the look on your face. |
Greenlantern
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 01:51 pm: |
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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. |
Limitedx1
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 02:43 pm: |
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Greenlantern
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 03:07 pm: |
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A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. |
Greenlantern
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 03:37 pm: |
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There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. |
Hmartin
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 03:39 pm: |
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I wouldn't say any of this in front of Bill Brasky.
To Bill Brasky! 
Chuck Norris just called and had me edit my post.
(Message edited by hmartin on November 04, 2009) |
Wolfridgerider
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 04, 2009 - 03:56 pm: |
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I bet Chuck Norris thought it was funny.... LOL |
Doughnut
| | Posted on Thursday, November 05, 2009 - 12:57 pm: |
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The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. |
Texastechx1
| | Posted on Thursday, November 05, 2009 - 01:10 pm: |
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Brother_in_buells
| | Posted on Thursday, November 05, 2009 - 02:02 pm: |
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Chuck Norris should perhaps make a visit to H-D !!          |
Cochise
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 12:16 am: |
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After Chuck Norris was born, the doctor cried...NOBODY slaps Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer.
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
(Message edited by cochise on November 06, 2009) |
Not_purple_s2
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 08:56 am: |
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. |
Greenlantern
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 09:20 am: |
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Chuck Norris Shot down the entire Luftwaffe by pointing his finger and saying "Bang!" |
Hmartin
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 10:49 am: |
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Chuck Norris: Beating all mankind since 2005.
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2008xb12scg
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 11:56 am: |
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God needed A helper to sit beside him. He called Sylvester Stalone, Arnold Schwatzaneger, and Chuck Norris to interview for the job. He asked them why he should chose them. Sly Stalone said "I maid Rocky and showed the world to never give up" He asked the Governator who said "I showed the world how to excercise and take care of their body. and how A poor imigrant can make it in America" Then Chuck says "get out of my chair" |
Stalker
| | Posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 - 11:29 pm: |
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god can walk on water..... chuck norris can swim through sand! |
Us_uly
| | Posted on Saturday, November 07, 2009 - 08:49 am: |
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Chuck Norris did get beat up once. That's why he is so tough now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE |
Not_purple_s2
| | Posted on Saturday, November 07, 2009 - 10:34 am: |
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They say that battle actually destroyed the universe and Bruce Lee had to rebuild it by hand.
The combination of the Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head and the strain of rebuilding the entire Universe is what ultimately killed Bruce Lee.
When he passed he endowed some of his badassness to Chuck Norris thus creating the Legend that we know today.
As awesome as Chuck Norris is he pales in comparison to BRUCE ALMIGHTY
Merely trying to quantify the awesomeness of Bruce Lee will cause a mortal's brain to explode.
(Message edited by not_purple_s2 on November 07, 2009) |
Wolfridgerider
| | Posted on Saturday, November 07, 2009 - 12:36 pm: |
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R. Lee Ermey would pluck one of Chuck Norris's eyes out and have intercourse with the hole from wince it came..... |
Froggy
| | Posted on Saturday, November 07, 2009 - 01:16 pm: |
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quote:Chuck Norris did get beat up once. That's why he is so tough now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE
Haha that reminds me, a while back I was channel surfing and Walker Texas Ranger was on, and they were showing Chuck in the hospital in a coma or something, I jokingly said "Oh good thing they had his stunt double for that scene" |
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