| Author | Message | ||
     Cyclone8u |
Unfortunately not on a bike.  Tomorrow, my wife - the person that is my whole world - and I are starting marriage counseling. Metaphorically speaking, it started out as a slow drip that went unfixed and now the basement is flooded and we stand the chance of loosing the house. Tomorrow we start pumping the water out of our drowned relationship and not only try to salvage what is left but rebuild it stronger than it was even when new. I used to be the guy that read these sort of posts and said "sucks to be him", but let me tell you - it can be you. 2/3 of all married couples WILL experience infidelity. It doesn't happen for the reasons most (including me) think. If you think that your marriage is affair proof, ask yourself what you do to proactively prevent it. As 60+ percent of married people find out, not enough. Do yourself a favor and go to Marriage Builders. I think you will realize as I have that there is a lot more that goes into a lifelong relationship than most of us think, even if we think our relationship is great. I have high hopes. A co-worker went through 2 years of he!!, including 9 months of his wife living with her lover. They used the Marriage Builder philosophy and have returned their marriage to better than it ever was. He even told me that if he had it to do over again, he would still go through the pain of the affair - that's how much better his marriage has become. Again, I can't stress it enough. Spend an hour perusing that web site. It will be the best hour you could ever spend on the internet, and it may make a marriage that you already think is great even better - and more importantly - affair proof. Hopefully I'll be back to posting motorcycle based topics again soon. Sorry for the downer post, but based on the stats here, the vast majority of us are married. And I would guess that our relationship with our spouse transcends all else. If my tale of woe (and hopefully redemption) helps one couple, it was worth the post. (Message edited by cyclone8u on September 08, 2009) | ||
| Rocketsprink |
good luck, however it turns out. | ||
| Hex |
I'm not 'married' but my lady and I have been faithful to our living-together relationship going on 10 years now. We could sue each other for 'palamony' or 'civil marriage' if need be, but it seems to be working out just fine the way it is. So we don't mess with a good thing. She was married before, had two kids, got divorced, met me 5 years after... I've been a serial monogamist with several 3 to 5 year relationships. I never had an affair on one of them. Some of them had affairs on me, and that was pretty much it for 'us' after that. I did go out with a married woman for a summer a long time ago, and what a crappy situation that turned out for all concerned. I swore to myself NEVER to peruse affairs after that. Nobody wins. Everyone gets real hurt. I have of course enjoyed not so subtle flirtations as I am sure my lady has as well. Twinkle in the eye stuff that's all for me, no touchy-kissy or worse, sometimes with strangers other times with friends that I've known for over twenty years. I leave it at that, and enjoy the memory of the near miss. All this said, I do not believe humankind to be naturally monogamistic. It takes a strong will to feign off temporary infatuations that can blossom into other relationships. I hope you the best in your situation. No matter how it turns out, you will always be a biker, and have your own personal development to achieve. | ||
| Ferris_von_bueller |
So often we don't think of the women as the offenders but it's a growing trend. Very sad, indeed. I wish you the best of success. | ||
| Xl1200r |
I haven't had to deal with infidelity in my current relationship, but ours pretty much came about out of that. Even though her and her previous boyfriend were pretty much dead in the water before anything happened between us, it was still a rather lousy period for the both of us. It created a lot subliminal distrust for her after her and I decided to become official. Over the last two years plus, we've hit more than our fair share of potholes, broken up more than once, but always decided to make it work, and the distrust has slowly but surely worn off. I know how it can feel trying to fix something that almost seems better just abondoned, but something draws you back in. Sometimes it's worth, sometimes it not. I've been in both camps before, and it doesn't take long to decide which way it's going. Affairs are tough, and you're so right about being proactive about prevention. Physical affairs are typically only followed by an emotional affair. You need to watch for signs and listen to what they tell you. If you're not meeting a need of your partner, they're going to find it from someone else whether they actively look for it or not. Enough rambling - good luck and I hope it turns out well for the both of you. | ||
| Cudajohn |
I hope you guys get the flooded basement dried out on top of all that marriage stuff! That doesn't help things at all. | ||
| Toona |
The quote in my profile is for this very reason. "If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you better start taking care of your own" | ||
| Blake |
Marriage surely is work, sometimes more challenging, sometimes a joy. It's sure worth it! Thanks for the link, I'll check it out. Blake (24 yrs +) | ||
| Blake |
What was that movie where the husband was a jerk but got a book from his father a 40 days plan to save his marriage? Darn it, I just saw it not too long ago. Great movie. It nailed it! | ||
| Blake |
Google rocks! Here it is... Fireproof Really excellent. | ||
| P_squared |
John, good luck on drying out the basement & I hope it works out for the best for you. Blake, was it "Fireproof?" Me = 10+ yrs of wedded bliss on my 1st marriage. Some days it's WORK. Most days, it's just GOOD. YMMV | ||
| Cyclonedon |
Sorry for the downer post it's only a downer post if your unable to repair the marriage! hope everything works out for you! | ||
| Nevrenuf |
hope it all goes well for you(27+ years) and not until the last 4-5 years were things ever that great. no one told me that life was gonna be easy and if they had i would of told them they were lying. even now things can get heated for one reason or another. but they calm down a lot quicker than they used to. always remember you have a family here. | ||
| Jpowell490 |
Hmmm, I had posted something but maybe it was deemed as inappropriate, I didn't mean it to be. Best of luck to you and your wife. I know from experience when you are married and things are not going well it just makes work and everything else that much harder. | ||
| Moxnix |
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| Bill0351 |
I wish you the best of luck no matter how it works out. It's not an easy road. I wish my situation had worked out for the sake of my kids, but after nearly 4 years I can look back and see it was for the best. It sounds like you are doing everything you can on your end. That's all you can do. The rest is up to her. | ||
| U4euh |
Good luck and I hope everything turns out the way you want it too! | ||
| Oldog |
good luck to you If you are both serious about making it work you can succeede | ||
| Cityxslicker |
Never getting married, not having kids. You have my sympathy. |
