| Author | Message | ||
     Blackbelt |
Here are a couple thoughts from Saturday Night Live's Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy It takes a Big man to cry, But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. In weightlifting, Sudden uncontrolled urination should not disqualify you. A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw. Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. Please add your own I will add more as the day goes by | ||
| Greenlantern |
The truth shall set you free,except if you are a murderer. | ||
| Glitch |
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?" | ||
| Glitch |
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks. | ||
| Spiderman |
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. | ||
| Liquorwhere |
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. | ||
| Djkaplan |
If you ever drop your keys in molten lava, don't try and reach for them because, man... they're gone. | ||
| Liquorwhere |
We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap? | ||
| Bo_sox |
If you go to bed with an itchy bottom, you'll wake up with a stinky hand! | ||
| Borrowedbike |
Back in my day we didn't have a mouse. We had to use the up, down, left, and right arrows to get around the screen. The if down broke it took a really long time to get anywhere... DAMM I hate that. | ||
| Oldog |
I have 3 things that are short, my memory my attention span oh and what were we talking about? | ||
| Blackbelt |
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink. If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. | ||
| Xring |
I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap! It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire. |
