| Author | Message | ||
     Wolfridgerider |
A guy gathered up his courage and walked up to a beautiful woman in a bar. “Hi. Mind if we talk?” he asked. She responded by yelling, “No! I will not sleep with you!” With everyone at the bar staring at him, the man crept back to his seat. A few minutes later, the woman came over, smiled and apologized. “Sorry about that,” she said. “I’m a graduate student in psychology, and we’re studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” The man responded by shouting, “What do you mean, two hundred dollars?” | ||
| Glitch |
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| Naustin |
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| Oldog |
WHAT?! | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
Nice.  | ||
| Firebolteric_ma |
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| Glitch |
MrsG just sent me this one... 10 Best Things To Say If You Are Caught Sleeping At Your Desk.. 10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time." 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to handle that big accounting problem." 3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?" 2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?" And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk! 1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus name, Amen." | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
AMEN!!  | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
My biggest problem is not napping, it's trying to read the Badweb without our administrator trying to glide in the door of my office and catch me slipping. The dude's a real psycho. He likes to stand out in the hallway beside our doors and listen to our phone calls, reads our faxes in the in-box by the admin's desk, and anytime he catches us doing something like getting something out of the file cabinet across the room, he'll dart in and look at our monitors to see what's on them since we're too far away to beat him to it. The funny thing about it is he doesn't know I downloaded Explorer 7 with tabbed browsing. I can leave the Badweb up all day and just click on the company website tab when he walks by. I do my job, but I'm a regional manager so it's not like I'm working an 8-hour shift on an assembly line or something. I think he just needs a Buell to let out some that frustration he must be bringing in from home.  At least he's cool enough to be among the flock of admiring co-workers out in the parking lot on days I ride my bike to work. He'd never get on my bike in a million years, but he's got enough sense to know beauty when he sees it. | ||
| Danger_dave |
'Excuse me Miss - can I book this dance'. 'No! Certainly not.' 'Sorry?...Perhaps you misheard me - I said you look fat in those pants.' | ||
| Nutsnbolt |
You ever see the show "The Office." God, that is hilarious. Gay-dar. | ||
| Stevedplumber |
they interviewed the male astronaut from the love triangle down in florida. he told the reporter he was upset that the woman was arrested. he was hoping to get a little "tang" | ||
| Imonabuss |
That's funny, Steved. Probably just to old guys like me, but funny anyhow! | ||
| Crusty |
Do they still make Tang? | ||
| Darkducati |
Mmmmmm...tang. | ||
| Glitch |
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY. DAY 180 0800am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 0930am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 0940am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 1030am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 1200pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1300pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 1600pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1700pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 1730pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY DAY 752 My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction of ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 Today I attempted to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking and almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust these vile oppressors, I made myself vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed. DAY 766 Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed about what a good cat I was. Not working according to plan. DAY 768 I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time it included a burning chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. DAY 771 There was a gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could smell the foul odor what they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his confinement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. | ||
| Triumph900 |
"he was hoping to get a little "tang"" He was, of course, referring to the newest flavor..... Prune-Tang. | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
A man found a new brand of condoms — Olympic Condoms — at the pharmacy. He decided to try them out and proudly showed them to his wife. "They come in three colors," he said, "gold, silver, and bronze." "What color will you wear tonight?" she asked. "Gold, of course!" “Why don’t you try silver?” she said. "It would be nice to see you finish second for a change | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
WHY MEN AREN'T SECRETARIES... Husband's note on refrigerator for wife: "Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn't even know you liked beer." | ||
| Glitch |
It would be nice to see you finish second for a change Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. |
