| Author | Message | ||
     Spreadem |
An old guy was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. The man was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager finally had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?" "Yup...I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." | ||
| Mikef5000 |
That's Great! | ||
| Cixyx_pilot |
Funny!!!!  | ||
| U4euh |
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| Gomo |
An old couple heads on a road trip on their bike. Stopping for gas at an old general store in the south somewhere, the rider starts chatting with the attendent: Attendant: So how's the ride? Rider/Husband: Great so far. Wife (who is hard of hearing): What did he say? Husband(LOUDLY): He asked about our ride. Wife: Oh Attendant: So where you from? Husband: Poughkeepsie, NY Wife: What did he say? Husband(LOUDLY): He was asking where we live, I told him Poughkeepsie. Wife: Oh Attendant(Now knowing the wife is hard of hearing quietly says): I was once in Poughkeepsie and picked up a woman in a bar one night, and I got to tell you it was the worst sex I ever had! Wife: What did he say? Husband (LOUDLY): He said he thinks he knows you! | ||
| Mikexlr650 |
gom, any chance of makin mb4? obviously depending upon how your doing at home. we've got space for ya even if you decide at the last moment. mike | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I decided life would more fun if I had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house. I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink. So, I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the Queen's Head Tavern with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer. This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I decided to ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head Tavern and have a drink with me?" A little voice came out of the box I heard you the first time!!! I'm putting my bloody shoes on." | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
From: a registered nurse. Thought you would like this - it was circulating at the Ipswich nurses reunion. ACTUAL WRITING ON CHARTS IN HOSPITALS 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient had no previous history of suicided. 3. The patient has let white blood cells at another hospital. 4. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 5. She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. ( good one) 6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 7. On the second the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 10. Discharge status. Alive, but without my permission. 11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 12. Patient has waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home . 15. The skin was moist and dry. 16. Occasional, but constant infrequent headaches. 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal thyroid. 19. She stated she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 24. Skin somewhat pale but present. 25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities (haven't we all?) | ||
| Xbrad9r |
good stuff... how bout this one. a mother came home one day and was sorting through her mail and saw a letter from her daughter who was away at college half way across the country. she opened the letter and starting reading. "mom, i have had a lot happen since we last spoke. i had a small accident in your car and broke my arm, but the tow truck driver was really nice and has been driving me around since the accident, i was fired from my part time job because of the time i missed from work, so i couldn't pay my apartment rent anymore, and the tow truck driver has let me stay with him in his apartment above the tattoo shop that his best friend runs. i really think that i have found my soulmate and i am quitting school to get married to him and the biggest mews is that you will be a grandma soon...i hope you are as excited as i am about this...call me when you can at my new cell phone number (111)-222-3333. love, your daughter" the mother ran to the phone and dialed her daughters number... after a few rings the voicemail message said... "if this is anyone else leave a message, but if its mom, the letter is all false, i was just trying to come up with a good way to tell you i made two D's this semester" | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
I'm just waiting for something like that from my daughter, thanks! |
