| Author | Message | ||
     No_rice |
so yep, what a way to start the soon to be new year. basically single and about to be homeless. i hate my life. my own damn fault i guess. i'm stupid. i think if i give in to something i'm weak then or some shit. when i know in my heart its the right thing to do. if you are reading this you are probably a friend, so smack me or some shit when i act like that.i pride myself on being stubborn, but i have to figure out how to moderate when and where. i have to change. i will somehow. i had everything i wanted basically. anything that really matters anyway, and i f&^$*%$ it up. imagine that. i was so looking forward to giving my gf a kiss at midnight on newyears eve. i just think its cool. i'm dumb like that sometimes. even though she is supposed to be working i planned on showing up JUST before midnight and scooping her into my arms and planting a big ol kiss on her. the thought makes me smile. the reality now makes me want to try taking on our ( wait i cant say that anymore.) her solid wood door with my head again. didnt work earlier, guess what makes me think i wouldnt knock myself out again tonight. (that was a trick i learned from jenn! if all else fails, try and erase your memory) it didnt work, im just lonely, dizzy, tired and have a headache. i should eat something today, but i have no appetite. maybe i'll take a nap. what to do with my life now? i have no where else to go, but i have no where to be here either. never show your feelings and you will never get hurt. keep everyone at a distance and you are always safe. i couldnt give a crap less about being safe when it comes to anything else, why this? i didnt ever think id have to feel this s%!* again. i mean ^*%#, my divorce is long done and it sucked a$$. why does this suck even more than that ever could have. maybe because i care more about this than i ever did that? that was dumb of me wasnt it? our friends didnt set me and jenn up for a relationship, we were just supposed to hook up and move on. why couldnt i? why couldnt she until now? was i just her rebound guy that lasted 2 years and then some after her divorce? F%&# I HATE MY LIFE! funny thing is i wouldnt trade those last 2 yrs for anything. even at its worst time. i owe her everything, and i just seem to take it for granted. she took me in and was so loving, when i was a complete mess, i couldnt even be self sufficient. i love waking up in the morning to her, even when shes grumpy she still makes me smile in the morning. nothing else ever has. and going to sleep at night curled up with her or with her curled around me keeping me warm. my moto used to be "i hate my life, want to trade?" when i met jenn, i wouldnt have traded anyone, even though i wouldnt let my self admit it for a LONG time. i never hated my life, even when we were arguing. but i sure am starting to again. that nap is looking better all the time. itd be a good night not to wake up from. especially alone. i am probably going to have to try and dump the my bike, my blazer and my truck. funny, the bike and blazer were supposed to be paid off this year too. doubt i will feel like riding the bike anymore anyway. it just doesnt feel right. plus im not going to ride it again until i get things straightened out, which i dont even know if its possable, so it may never be ridden by me again. sorry i wasted your time. just needed to vent somewhere and theres no one around. sorry i rambled so long. the minutes you wasted reading this you wont ever get back and i'm sorry for that. make the most of everyone you get from here on out ok? | ||
| Scott_in_nh |
Tim, Most, if not all of us have resided in Dumpsville at one point in our life or another, and as you point out - it sucks! Without addressing the things you wrote one by one I will say that you need to be happy in your own life before you can be successful in a relationship. That is to say that when you draw your happiness from another, it is almost a guarantee that you will inadvertently push that person away. Don't get hung up on the all alone on New Years Eve thing. It is just another day. I'll probably be at home alone tonight- couldn't care less. I see friends and family all of the time especially the last 2 weeks. So a night alone is no big deal. If the only thing that was holding your life together was this girl, then you have been in denial. Take this as a opportunity to get your life in order. Steady job, clean apartment, doing the activities that you enjoy. Notice that I didn't say a well paid home owner with all the toys you desire. It really isn't that hard to choose to be happy, but you have to have the basics in place and under control. Sometimes a substantial step backwards is required to go forward. Then, and only then, you are ready to find another girl or maybe even get this one back (though I never back track myself). Good luck! | ||
| New12r |
No rice, Man just remember all things will work themselves out in the end! I beat my punching bag to the point of falling down from exhaustion earlier. Find an outlet like you did here. | ||
| No_rice |
i can be happy without her, but i have never been as happy . there is always bad days, but there are many more good days. i just know that i'm alot better person because of the last few years. even though i am still not great. things take time, but apparently i am to slow when it comes to this stuff. | ||
| Rainman |
Dude, I understand. I have the same issues -- stoic, quiet, don't show anger or hurt and if I do show anger or hurt it's usually with a fist in the wall or my head in a door (use the forehead, just at the top of where the hairline begins or where mine used to. It's harder.) I was married for five years 20 years ago and had a break up that sounds very similar. Thought I'd learned my lesson, but no. I've been married now for 10 years, been with the woman for 13 and they were some of the best times of my life. The last four have been really, really hard, with her temper and my getting pissed off and stubborn and the step-kids growing up and finances. I, too, look back at the way things used to be and how happy I once was. I don't know if we'll stay together. We're tied financially and emotionally, even if it's not good emotions. I need to learn to talk. she needs to learn to listen and neither one of us seems to get it right. My parents (Married 50-plus) have had years like this, which I remember clearly. Sometimes it all goes away, sometimes you have to fight through it. I have no idea if anything I wrote makes any sense. I guess I'm just saying we all know what you mean. Hang in there. It won't be perfect tomorrow, but it gets better. | ||
| Tq_freak |
Tim, Last Feb I was in your exact same shoes. I was in a relationship for 4 years and was hell bent on gettin married as soon as I got out of college.But out of know where she decided she wasnt happy and she split, I was crushed and felt the same way, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, the only thing I could stomach was coca-cola. the only bright side I can see from that was I lost about 40lbs in under a month. It is tuff as hell but you will be fine in the long run. its still tuff somedays but I guess thats life. I think you should keep the toys cause they helped me get over it all, when i could just jump on my bike for a few hours and not think about anything else. that really helped me in the long run. to quote ron white "when life gives you lemons, find someone whos life is giving them vodka and have a party" | ||
| Schmitty |
Trust me bro,what you're going through sucks a$$, but it just ain't worth it. I lost a best friend to suicide over an f'in woman. If I could see him one more time I would beat his a$$ for what he did to his friends, family, and most importantly his kids by coppin' out. You're doing the one thing he didn't and that's vent to someone. That's the part that hurt me the most, was that my own best friend felt like he couldn't talk to me. I think I speak for everyone here when I say, keep your head up, and keep typin' and talkin' bro because we're all here to listen. Schmitty | ||
| Glitch |
I've been there. I know how you feel. I'd tell you a story, but it's probably sound like my pity party is bigger than yours kind of thing, so I'll spare ya. You're young, when you get to be my age, you'll look back at all this as a learning experience. Trust me on that. At least you have a BUNCH of BadWeB Brothers in Arms, we're here for ya! I have learned one thing above all others. That, when you're as down as you can get, and you keep moving forward, while learning from the past, once the dust settles, and you get back to a routine, you'll be better off than you were before. Learn from the past to move forward, don't dwell on the past and try to re-live it, you'll only be going nowhere. | ||
| Wolfridgerider |
Take this time for some NO_rice time. Go do all the things that are hard if not impossible to do when you are in a relationship. You might just find another woman on your way that you can share more time with because you like to do the same things. If you come to MB4 I will tell you about getting married, getting deployed and getting screwed when you are not even home..... What a fun time in my life that was!!! | ||
| Doz |
Your definatly not alone, I'm on and off zoloft to deal with a similar state of mind. And there's plenty of sayings people us to get you to cheer up, wich probably make you wanna puke... So get depressed, get pissed off, find as many ways as you can to vent. Don't be surprised when friends and family turn away from you..only those of us that have gone through this can truely understand. But there is one profound saying that becomes clearer to me as time passes, "The person you seek is within." Get my ph. # off the RAN if you want to talk. | ||
| Kozman32 |
I can relate dude, I met the love of my love 2 years ago and it ended, I was crushed. Just don't make your past dictate your present. Keep yourself occupied with all things BUELL | ||
| Kandie |
Are you in Iowa Falls or Nevada? | ||
| Mortarmanmike120 |
Very good advice on all the post above man. Read it, heed it. I think we've all been there and don't envy the position you find yourself in. Here's a thought: You were married before, but you mention that with Jenn was the HAPPIEST time of your life. Is it possible that when you find yourself in another relationship it will be even better then the last one? Maybe the last two relationships were training grounds for the relationship you're meant to have in the future. Think of the life and experiences you will be able to bring into the next one. That being said: don't focus on the NEXT relationship, or especially the LAST relationship. Focus on you. Do some crap you've never done before. Travel. Hit the gym. Take dance classes. Learn a language. Take up scuba. Go on a cruise. Whatever the hell you've always wanted to do but have never gotten around to. This is the time for it. Keep you're head up and talk to your brothers. | ||
| Oldog |
Rice, keep your head up, give up nothing, for the short term, your bike can be a distraction, two years ago I ended a 10 year marrige, lost my Home, most of my retirement, my job, and a variety of other things to an ungratefull lying woman, and a crook lawyer. Today, I have more peace, free time, and friends, in 2 to 3 years I will be out of debit totaly! Take heart the pain sucks but it will end and your life will get better as all have said above WE are with you brother WE are listening and WE care | ||
| Diablobrian |
Tim, Been there done that. It may seem dismal now, but it will get better. The choice of not riding while you are in this frame of mind is a good one. It is too easy to make a mistake when you ride distracted. Email me and we can talk. I don't have your phone number, I lost it when I did away with the cell phone(stupid of me I know). | ||
| Cringblast |
Rice, I am going through the same crap now. Have been dealing with it for over 6 months. 3 months ago I got my bike. 1st one. I have been reading posts here and have asked some questions here also since getting the Xb. Seems like really good people here. Of course we are all different. What one person goes through is completely different then any one else. I have found that out. How I deal with things is different then anybody else. No one is to say how you deal with it is right or wrong. You have got to do what makes you feel better. Only YOU can do that. It's hard I agree with ya. But let me say, that it is good that you have some place like this to vent. Look at the response you have gotten ! As much as you can, keep a level head. It's hard !!! If I can get through it then f@$# , you can also. | ||
| Kandie |
How's this grab ya? If you feel like getting out of town for the night you can spend it with a couple of old folks! Dave and I are in Waterloo. It's always fun to meet other badwebbers and we'll keep you out of trouble. We don't have any plans. I might cook and I might not. Maybe get a pizza. We have room for you to stay just pack a bag. What do ya say? You might just have some fun!!  | ||
| Bads1 |
Tim, hang in there man things always get good again. Kandie, You are as far as I'm concerned a very wonderful and thoughtful person. You and Dave have Happy New Year. And you guys ain't old.....sheeeeesh!!! | ||
| G234146 |
It's our ability to navigate through life, and the bull, that makes it such a fascinating challenge. This is a low, there will be others, but do not convince yourself that "this is it" or "this is as far as I can go" Anyone that can ride with a shot of NOS in his bike has got some brass ones! Type away Bro. We're listening | ||
| Dbird29 |
5 LESSONS FOR LIFE by: Roy Hunington Excerpted from "The Insider" American Handgunner Sept/Oct06 issue "1. DO THE KIND THING: Do the kind thing whenever we can, what follows is often easy. To be patient, to wonder why the other person feels a certain way, to hold your anger until you learn more, to understand and be understanding, to do the kind thing is so often the difference between success and failure in so many things. Especially relationships; try to do the kind thing whenever you can. Chances are if it was really hard to do, then it needed doing the most, just then." "2. BE POSITIVE: It's easy to take the negative side, to dwell on what your perceive isn't fair, what isn't right, what isn't best. Why do those others get "stuff" and you don't? It isn't fair. And then you stay there, caught in that quagmire of anger, stalled in place, pouting, finger pointing, while the world marches by you." "3. YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT: I thought of my own failures and successes in life. Without fail they were of my own doing. If I failed, I may have not gotten a job because of a decision by a potential boss, but I had volunteered to be standing there. What he saw in me had been manufactured by me and displayed by me. It was my fault whether the job was mine, or not. If I didn't make the arrst, couldn't afford the car, ran out of air on a dive, and didn't make the team, the list goes on. Each situation had on thing in common, I had the primary hand in making it the way it was. I could have been an airline pilot, a doctor, a teacher, or car salesman. I chose to be a cop, and a writer. I had help, guidance, favors and no small amount of luck, but had I simply sat on my butt and complained, all I would have today is a sore butt." "4. ACCEPT RESPONSIBIITY: for your actions, your safety, your obligations to friends, and to family. If you take that small step and own up to our actions, you can get on with what's next in life. With very rare exceptions you'll have legions of people ready to help you, almost regardless of the results of your actions. And, you are responsible for your safety. Others can help at times, but the buck stops right in front of you, not the local cops, your neighbor or anyone else. Take it seriously and your won't be caught off guard." "5. GET OVER IT: What ever "IT" might be. Don't get caught up in your own self=pity after losing that job. Don't dwell too long on the death of a friend, the crash of the car, the angry words from loved ones, the false accusers, the nay sayers, thos who judge without compassion, and those who are simply not nice people. Get over it, get on with your life, celebrate the good people around you, your successes, the dog who waits at the door for you, the loved one who smiles and cooks your favorite dinner, and the mechanic who saved you $300 by being honest. Get on with your life, which usually means the pople around you can get on with theres." Don't let mean, uncaring or stupid people ruin your day or your life. | ||
| Panhead_dan |
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. You have some great advice and words of encouragement coming in these posts. Proof that folks DO care. I think it's safe to say that we have all had tough times and we will again if we live long enough. The one thing that has helped me the most through my tough times has been an unending string of motorcycles. It may have been a beat up old yamaha but it was mine and it was right outside, ready to go at anytime. These bikes have been my one stable factor through it all. Without the bike I would have found myself utterly in despair. Do not part with your bike no matter what. That is my advice to you. Dan. | ||
| Loose_cannon_1203cc |
No Rice, I've been thru a lot of hard s*** in my life. I'm sure many others have to. One thing my friends and family always said was, "There's always tomorrow." YOU control your life, YOU make it what you want. YOU can always change things. The one thing that always worked for me was beating the hell out of a punching bag. If that didn't work I'd go out on my downhill bike and hit the jump park or try some big drops I've never had the cajones to try. Find something that takes YOUR mind off of things. | ||
| Ulywife |
Tim, Sorry things are rough for you right now. The greatest thing about BadWeb it the people here. The personal investment of time and compassion go well beyond the bikes that brought everyone together. One piece of advice is make no major decisions for at least 6 months. If you have to sell something, consider the truck or car, that still leaves you with one to drive when the bike it not an option. You're smart to not ride your bike while your head is not clear. As someone above said, don't let the past determine your present or future. Surround yourself with friends and family that really care for you. You'll be surprised how things turn out in this journey we call life. It's a new year, make the best of it. Sometimes we have to learn to put ourselves first to take care of ourselves. Kristi | ||
| Woody1911a1 |
No_rice , if you feel this way about her ,is there no way things can't be mended ? my wife of 20 years was amazed at how well i fixed the hole in the wall from the beer bottle i threw after she walked out the door 21 yrs ago . (she'd already walked out but heard it , i was making a point) now is she's up painting the spare bedroom lol , we have a beautiful 13 yr old daughter and it's news eve . gonna get a fire going . order chinese . sorry for butting in , moving on is not easy , but hows about if you really feel this way about her , trying to fix it ? just my 2 cents | ||
| No_rice |
man, i didnt expect this much of a response. it is appreciated though. i have met some really great people in my short years on this site. i'll be fine, im sure. i was married for 5 years a few years ago. have a 7 year old daughter to show for it though, so atleast some of it was good. although the fact that the final straw was catching my now ex best friend and her messing around in his kitchen with my daughter sleeping right in the next room. it was a nice stress reliever remodeling his kitchen with him. benefit of being so stubborn is that i never REALLY give up. it crosses my mind sure, but i cant seem to take the easy road. i always have to be difficult. Kandie i really do appreciate the offer, some of my friends even left to go see a few of our other friends in waterloo a few minutes ago. i opted out at the last minute. i think i am going to try and go hang with a couple old friends but still stay close to home. not sure why. i should change my profile, lol. ive been in nevada for the last year or so, but now its kind of in the air so i guess it will have to wait. Daves a heck of a guy the times we've talked and met. heck i guess we even lived close by each other and have some of the same friends around ackley where i grew up. and from your posts and the way he talks about you must be a sweet heart. i am in a little better state than i was atleast. her and i talked for a couple hours this afternoon. i am still going to be staying someplace else for awhile atleast. maybe indefinantly. not sure right now. but we have cleared a few things up or started to anyway. who knows what tomorrow brings. anyway, thanks for the kind words from everyone. and i havent given up yet, its just going to be a long road i think (Message edited by no_rice on December 31, 2006) | ||
| Kandie |
You are welcome any time. My number is in the RAN section. I think things like this qualify as Rider Assistance. | ||
| Nevrenuf |
yea no_rice, you don't know me from adam but if i started telling you some of my horror stories of being married the first thing i get asked is, was that your first wife. that is my only wife i have had. in march, it will be 25 years. it took a while but she wised up and i compromised some. i also look at life that everything happens for a reason and that you can't change the past, only the future. if your not already over at dave and kandie's you should be halfway there by now. now's a great time to think about what your going to accomplish next year. and try to have a good new year. you just never know. | ||
| Woody1911a1 |
Nevrenuf "it took a while but she wised up and i compromised some" yea it took , no let me refrase that , has and still is taking even after 20 + years a lot of give and take . dude , if you feel this way , instead of pouring your heart out here , go tell her how you feel . | ||
| Tx05xb12s |
AlRIGHT you bunch of little split tails. Go somewhere safe and have yourself a good drunk alone (so noone else has to hear your whining). Get up tomorrow and make some changes in your life. Be a man. | ||
| Eboos |
The low parts of life are great because from there you can climb different paths. A few years ago I was in a situation where I was ready to just give up on life. After a bit of thought I realized that even if this was the absolute worst things could get, then they could only get better. That had a major impact on my way of thinking from then on. | ||
| Lions |
I thought you all went on a wonderful vacation....read the thread on watcha did for Christmas???  | ||
| Djkaplan |
"Be a man." Sometimes... you just have to man up and keep going. Don't worry about what's behind you... just keep going. Keep going until the whatever it was that hurt you is far behind. There is a member who posts here that I ride with about once a year. I was stunned to hear that his wife had passed away the last time I saw him. He never said a word about it until I asked how she was doing. I was pretty impressed with the way he handled it. He was hurt, I could tell, but he just kept going, moving forward. He was manned up. Probably not what you want to hear, but you know in your heart it's true. | ||
| Not_purple_s2 |
Man, I know finances can force you to give up your toys, but the bike would be the last to go in that state. If you have a bike you don't need a psychiatrist, just take a ride that's my therapy. | ||
| No_rice |
we did go on a nice vacation. doesnt fix things though. life is waiting when you come back, and apparently it had been sneeking up on me and i was not paying enough attention. i have come to realize that it takes more of a man to realize that he has problems then it takes to ignore them. just because i vent my frustrations doesnt mean i dont keep going. i used to vent my frustrations completely by pounding the hell out of stuff. it solved it for a bit, but my head would still be messed up. i still pound the hell out of things, but i also try to vent in other ways. like putting down what i'm thinking in words. not sure why, but getting it out works good too. if you think i am less of a man for it, then so be it. thats the last thing i have to worry about. i have a woman i still love, and a daughter that will always need me around. as far as putting it behind me and moving on, i am not prepaired to give up yet, there has been alot of talking going on lately and thats a good thing. i dont want it behind me. i want it with me, and i still have a chance to succeed. i think. i have never been one to give up on less important things, why should i give up on something this important to me so soon? | ||
| Rainman |
Hey N-R, you're exactly right and you're doing the right thing. What's right for any one of us is different. I do the writing thing as well, for a living. It makes a difference. Give what you got and if it doesn't work, you know you did your best. I still have doubts that, had I tried something, said something, did something... You get the idea. Make sure there are no doubts and you'll live well. | ||
| Ulywife |
there has been alot of talking going on lately and thats a good thing you've said a lot with that one statement. Communication is truly the key to good relationships, friends or family. Keep talking, be honest and open. Best of luck to you. | ||
| Buellinachinashop |
Why do I think that as soon as somebody else rolls around this guy will be healed? Getting laid is the best medicine. Take two and call me in the morning. | ||
| Diablobrian |
It's all good Tim. Venting is healthy. Keeping it in, balled up and festering, only makes things worse. Be up front and say what you mean. Be yourself and do your best. You're a good guy, (there I go spoiling your carefully cultivated reputation as a trouble maker  ) and things will work out for you in the end. Whether it is in this relationship or another, You will find happiness. You just have to stay your course and be honest with yourself and others about what you want. |
