| Author | Message | ||
     Ragnagwar |
Ras, I have been following this thread every day. I have raised three sons, the youngest now 23. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope and pray that in the end you all find some Peace and common ground to share for the rest of your lives. Sincerely, Lawrence | ||
| Bcordb3 |
What a letter! God bless you Ramon, and God be with your daugther. | ||
| Lowflyer |
If I'd had that advice at 17, I would be an astronaut right now. Instead, I get to critique technical manuals all friggin' day.  | ||
| Eboos |
8 Save money first (10% of your check), pay your bills, then party with what you have left. Have you read Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki? For those of you that haven't, this book will keep you up at night when you realize that everything that you thought you knew about money was wrong. This simple concept stated above needs to be absolute. Pay yourself first, then let your money make more money. It's odd that I know this to be true, but I haven't had the will to do it. | ||
| Rasmonis |
Believe it or not, the "Pay yourself first" concept was something I learned while stationed in Germany. They used to run this commercial about a who couldn't wait to cash in his check, he's say "I'm going to spend spend spend like there is no end" In the end he ended up paying himself first. The AFN commercials were some of the funniest I've ever seen. -Ras | ||
| Cochise |
I've most recently started, or rather gotten back to paying God the first 10% of my paycheck, and I've been able to catch up and go beyond what I was doing, and that is to say going from living paycheck to paycheck to being ABLE to start saving. You'd be surprised when you realize how much God can do with that 10% that you give him than if you keep it yourself. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
You'd be surprised when you realize how much God can do with that 10% that you give him than if you keep it yourself. I've got an ex-wife rather like that too.  | ||
| Rasmonis |
Get this: I just got off the phone with the Detective handling this case. We've apparently managed to flush them out of the Brunswick/Knoxville, MD area to Laurel, MD. The kicker is that even we find them, the police cannot do anything. She told me she had a case where they knew where a runaway was, even saw her going in and out of a residence, but they are not allowed to enter without a warrant. The only chance in catching them is on a traffic stop. Unbelievable! We need new legislation that helps parents of underage children in cases such as mine,which I'm told there are plenty of. (Message edited by Rasmonis on September 08, 2006) | ||
| Marhaba |
I'm so sorry Ramon. Your situation is so sad, and there is little I can do to help other than pray. Just stay strong and I hope that Randie will have a change of heart soon. Take care and God bless. | ||
| Glitch |
I'm still opitimistic, and here's why. He's in trouble, even before this got started. He's not very bright. He will run out of luck soon, and get locked up, for violating probaton, parole, or what ever it was. Once that happens, she won't have any place to go, but home. It may take longer than you'd like, but I bet she comes home when it gets cold at the latest. At least you know she's still not that far away... Stay strong | ||
| Curtyd |
"She told me she had a case where they knew where a runaway was, even saw her going in and out of a residence, but they are not allowed to enter without a warrant. " Self-help, and have the police standing by to insure there is no trouble. Go In and take her out after someone lets you in the front door or you sit on the house until she comes out. There is such a thing in Fl. as Interference with Custody. That is what HE is doing when he interferes with your custody rights, if she isn't emancipated or anything. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
This may sound off the wall, but if you've got the address, why not send a letter or flowers. It's non confrontational & you can say what you want to, calmly, without losing your rag & making the situation worse. Just an idea. Hope it all works out for you. | ||
| Rasmonis |
I have no idea where in Laurel they headed to. This is frustrating. "Interference with Custody", I'll look into that. | ||
| Bigdaddy |
Ras, Not much in Laurel. Look at the BW Parkway between D.C. and Baltimore,,you'll see Laurel, Ft. Meade, NSA. (big horse racing track too) We've lived there two different times and there's not a whole lot going on unless you go to Baltimore. G2 | ||
| Rasmonis |
I rode in to work today, figured I'd take off a little early and scope the area. | ||
| Xgecko |
I've spent a lot of time in school at Ft Meade so just a word of warning about the Laurel area...security in that area is pretty high since it's the home of the NSA too many drive by's in some areas and people will chase you down  | ||
| Rasmonis |
I drove by and around the All Saints Rd. area (just off 216), didn't appear too bad, I've been in worse neighborhoods. I could definitely picture them hanging around that area. I rode around checked the typical places, gas stations, supermarkets and fast-food joints. If anything the ride home was nice despite the traffic in what used to be relatively rural roads. McMansion neighborhoods are popping up everywhere. | ||
| Curtyd |
You also have contributing to the delinquency of a minor and possibly other charges. Don't let the LEOs get away with telling you their hands are tied, they are just blowing you off. There is plenty they can do if they decide to, they just aren't considering it a crime worth their time, right now. | ||
| Lowflyer |
There is always the statutory rape charge too. | ||
| Curtyd |
I was trying to be a little more sensitive and not mention that one outright... | ||
| Lowflyer |
It may have been a stretch, but I figured sensitivity to that possibility was not an issue given the incriminating photos Ras mentioned earlier. I just hope this thing can end with the punk in jail and the girl home with her parents. If he's in jail, there might be a better chance for her to regroup. | ||
| Curtyd |
Probably not a stretch and even with a willing victim it still is a Felony and with the various points put him in State custody for awhile, not to mention the probation violations. STUPID KIDS, other than just being your typical teenager, she probably is as culpable in the whole mess, but HE will do all the time, in the end. I am pretty sure she didn't think about that, or she would have made sure he didn't leave the jurisdiction. They push these cases hard down south, if the parents raise enough of a ruckus about it. If that's what the parents want then they need to keep pushing the LEOs. Maybe they just want their daughter back and not angry as hell to take her away from him for the next fifteen years or so. (Message edited by CURTYD on September 10, 2006) | ||
| Rasmonis |
16 y/o is the age of consent in MD. I looked into the Interference with Custody law in MD. All I can say is that they are nowhere as extreme in MD ans in Alabama. Only "Relatives" can be charged with this offense in MD. In AL Interfering with Custody is a Class C offense. Yes, she is equally culpable, Robert merely facilitated encouraging Randie to make continuous bad decisions. In the end, Randie made the ultimate choice to leave. She believes she is mature enough to live on her own, we know otherwise. If (and that's a big if), Robert is charged with anything, is incarcerated, and we allow Randie to stay home, little will have changed. We've contacted our county's Juvenile Services Department and are actively working with a counselor to ensure Randie's receives help (through counseling and education) in the event she returns. The rest of is will also seek counseling as other daughter is having a particularly hard time dealing with this. It's difficult to imagine the outcome, but I'm sure in the end all will have not been for naught, it is experiences like these from which we all grow. We are blessed to have friends like you. -Ras | ||
| Imeazy |
Man, as I stated originally this is terrible. My daughter is 13 and I dread her doing something like this to me one day. I am a single parent. Your family is still in my prayers! Take Care... | ||
| Lost_in_ohio |
Like many on the board....I have a daughter and have been wondering. Now my intent is not to attack or judge but gain knowledge. Was there any warning signs before she left? Has she been rebelious, more than just recently? Did she just suddenly change friends or people she hangs out with? I guess that I am looking for guidance to assist with raising my daughter and help prevent a similar situation. Any information will help. | ||
| Rasmonis |
Lost, We expected Randie to leave when she turned 18. She's mentioned her desire to do so for years. We never understood why, to be honest, neither can anyone who personally knows our family. I would have loved to have parents like K and I. As I contemplate where as parents we went wrong in this case, I have come up with the following: Whether you are God fearing or not, it is important to instill a sense of accountability for one's actions to something greater than your parents. I believe we failed in this regard. We did not seek spirituality for ourselves and our kids early enough. We allowed Randie to give up and failed to encourage her to stick through things even though it was tough. She had little to no friends, she was not involved in sports or activities which encouraged teamwork and camaraderie and this isolation from her peers attributed to her inability to make healthy connections with others. Lastly, we assumed she would recognize that she was in an unhealthy relationship and would leave on her own. Go with your instincts and act decisively while you still hold authority over your children, before negative influences take them away from you and turns them against you. Going on the third week without hearing from her we are slowly coming to the realization that this is not a prodigal son scenario. It may be a long time before we see her again if ever. When we do, chances are it will not be a wonderful reunion like we are used to seeing in the movies. -Ras | ||
| Buellgirlie |
ras - its always the worst before it gets better. plz keep your hope up. you do the best you can, with what you know, and what you have - thats all. dont give up. i'm still hoping for you. D | ||
| Naustin |
It's scary, but there are a lot of places in the world that she could be that are much worse. Striking off on ones own the way that she did is a gamble, but for our grandparents and great grandparents, there was no other choice; they struggled for a long time, but eventually they stood up and made it. She has chosen a difficult road, but failure is not inevitable. Try not to dwell on the events that led her to this choice as much as you hold on to hope that deep down inside her, she is a smart, dynamic resourceful person who does know right from wrong. She might just make you very proud yet... I'm reminded of the singer Jewel. I think she ran away and lived in her car for a long time, but she never gave up on her own dream. Your daughter has more opportunity, even now, than the vast majority of other people on this Earth. Hope for the best. She doesn't need to believe in a big bearded man in the sky to have spirituality and feel a greater responsibility to her own self. Take Care. | ||
| Ulywife |
Ras - don't beat yourself up over Randie's choices. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. We as parents make choices everyday that we feel is in the best interest of our children and families. We teach our children things that we feel are important and will carry them through adulthood. What our children choose to do with what we've passed onto them we have no control over. You've made mention of another daughter at home. Don't let her get lost in this shuffle and search for Randie. She's probably just as lost as Randie is right now. The difference is she may know it and Randie doesn't yet. Keep your chin up and we'll keep praying that a positive outcome is in your family's future. | ||
| Mr_grumpy |
Ras, as Ulywife says don't beat yourself up, there's no manual to follow for parenting, you just make it up as you go along & do your best. My thoughts are with you as a dad too, I have a good (if distant) relationship with my 14 yo daughter who lives with my ex, & a loving, noisy, one with my 7 yo son. He's as stubborn as a mule (as is mrs grumpy) so we rub along as best we can. All the best. |
