| Author | Message | ||
     Mr_grumpy |
The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do...with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and the n, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions? " "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins. And when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service." "Internal Revenue Service?," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue Service. And... about once a year, they send us a little prick like you. | ||
| Timbo |
Did you read the article about the baby boy that was born with no eyelids? In an experimental operation doctors were able to use the skin from his circumcision to graft on eyelids for him. The doctors were very pleased at the success, especially since it was the first time an operation of this nature had ever been attempted. However, the lead surgeon did have one caution to others about this procedure, "You must understand, the boy IS a little cockeyed now". | ||
| Crusty |
What a bunch of cut ups. | ||
| The_old_poop |
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear" | ||
| Wardog3187 |
Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets. The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I would like three pickets to Titsburg." He completely lost his composure and fled. The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too fled. "Morons...." the third priest mutters and moves to the window. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, Saint Finger's going to shake his Peter at you." They took the bus | ||
| Dragon_slayer |
Little boy was watching his mother doing her canning. "Jimmy, please go down to the corner store and buy me some more sealing rings." Jimmy walks up to the man at the counter. "Mister, I need to buy some rubbers." "Go away kid and quit bothering me." "But mister, I need some rubbers!" "Here are your rubbers, now leave me alone!" Short time later at the store. CRASH! Brick through the window. Man runs outside and sees little kid standing there. "Why did you throw that brick through my window?" "What did you think my mother was canning mister, BANANAS?"  |
