| Author | Message | ||
     Kccyclone |
Please add your own... DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING 1: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. 2: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them from you. 3: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 4: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. 5: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early." 6: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 7: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? 8: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. 9: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. 10: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up,the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. (Message edited by kccyclone on February 14, 2006) | ||
| Doughnut |
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.  | ||
| Midknyte |
heheh. Number two should read: ...I will remove them. From you. | ||
| Essthreetee |
If you make her cry, I will make you cry | ||
| Oldog |
My Daughter will not be allowed to date until she is 40 or there abouts... | ||
| Kccyclone |
Oldog, that's what I have planned, but these rules will still be in effect.. Larry | ||
| Leftcoastal |
My granddaughter just turned 9, which means she will be starting to date in about (...let's see - with the way time seems to be flying by...) well, two or three weeks. I'm gonna print these off and get them to my son! AL | ||
| Xb9ser |
I got those off internet about a year ago and printed them out. When my 16 year old daughter wanted to start dating this boy I sent them with her for him to read and sign. He did and the first time he came over I was playing with my AR15.He got the message and was the nicest 16yr old you could meet. My daugter said he was scaried of me which was the idea . | ||
| Cygnus_x1 |
Yeah! I forget the movie, but I like that line from the dad who says in a crazy way, "I just got out, and I dont mind going back!"  | ||
| No_rice |
i just sent that to my 16 yr old sister and told her she could also replace the daughter parts with sister! her friends are already scared of me but its still fun, lol | ||
| Blackbelt |
Guys don't put this in my head.. SHE IS ONLY 5 MONTHS OLD!!! GOING ON 15 years.. Oh trust me, when Genavieve starts to date.. not only will i drill the boy that enters my house, but i am having fun w/ it too. So many options now a days. 1. When boy enters house, make sure you are cleaning your shot-gun w/ spare shells near by. Ask the young lad (in a caring, soft, gentle like voice) What his name is.. Then w/ a sharpe, procede to write that name on any given (unused) 12 guage slug (not bird/buck shot, doesn't inflict the kind of fear you would like in this situation). Make sure young man see's you doing this, then slowly insert slug into breach of shotgun. While saying "you will have her back at a reasonable hour... YES?" 2. Martial arts background recommendedWhen the boy enters the house, be in the living room breaking boards... 2-3 breaks should be good.. then procede to shake the boy's hand, hopefully w/ red (not bloody) knuckles... 3. (Bill Engval method) After the introductions have been made, pull the boy close so only you and he can hear. Point at your daughter and say. "Do you see her over there, she is my only daughter, she is my life. So if you have any ideas about huggin, or kissin, you remember one little thing... I have NO problems going BACK to prison." "Now bring her back by 8...!" Oh yeah if the boy is wearing a hat, It better be off the head when he enters MY house. and if he wants my respect he will say "sir" to me and "Ma'am" to my wife, and he WILL! shake my hand. I have a few more years to think of other fun ideas before my daughter gets to start dating | ||
| Kccyclone |
Blackbelt.... Ask the young lad (in a caring, soft, gentle like voice) What his name is.. Then w/ a sharpe, procede to write that name on any given (unused) 12 guage slug (not bird/buck shot, doesn't inflict the kind of fear you would like in this situation). Make sure young man see's you doing this, then slowly insert slug into breach of shotgun. I love this one | ||
| Jeremy_02_x1 |
You fathers should get your buddy to come over and re-enact the scene from Bad Boys II for when little Johnny comes a knocking to take out your baby. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence pull it off perfectly. | ||
| Blackbelt |
I got that one from watching a buddy of mine do that w/ his daughter's b-friend. When she got married he handed her a paper sack filled w/ shotgun shells... he used them hunting. but i just about fell over laughing.. he inserted a couple dozen extra to give his new son-in-law a heart attack. | ||
| Drift |
I just tell the boys, "don't do anything to my daughter that you don't want me to do to you". | ||
| Bomber |
as the father of a dating aged daughter, I laughed my, er, fundiment off reading this again. for those of you who afre looking forward to being the father of a dating aged daughter, most of this stuff is, indeed, superfluous -- all ya gotta do is stand there with an open and appraising look on your face, and that'll be enough for most young men (remember when you were on THAT end of the food chain) -- for those young men that don't get it, just stand aside a few feet, and get outa the Mom's way. Mom's are infinately tougher than Dad's btw, in my experience, Grandmothers, Aunts and older female cousins are just as tough -- which relagates Dads to figureheads in this particular passion play, but hey, that's OK with me! | ||
| Garrett1998s1 |
(remember when you were on THAT end of the food chain) -- Ummmmm I do thats why im scared. | ||
| Blackbelt |
DITTO!!! | ||
| Kccyclone |
Oh, I think most young boy's know the right way to act, and what to say to the dad's..(I know I did) but when their out with the girl it's a whole different story.... | ||
| Swampy |
Yep, pulling the pistol out of the pocket, clearing it, blowing the pocket lint out of it and rechambering a round, then announcing "Never can be too sure" while stuffing it back in your pocket always worked for me! (Its the same trick the Big Kids girlfiends dad is practicing on him now.) | ||
| Slaughter |
Oh my GAWD!!! I just realized that I have ONLY dated and married daughters of men! (I'm so ashamed) | ||
| Oldog |
Good luck on that KC, she made it to 16, and is dating. I am single again and have started dating too, at 48! If Linda's dad (he's passed) were to do the pistol trick, well  | ||
| Seth |
" I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me" Nice! I remember years ago my twin sister was dating some a**hole. This guy decided to start fighting with her in the driveway of my parents house; yelling and screaming, making sis cry. Naturally this angered me a bit so I did the only thing that made sense to me at the time. I went into the garage, picked up the blown C-4 automatic transmission I had removed from my old pick-up a week earlier, and preceded to walk over and throw it at him. He got the hint. | ||
| Cataract2 |
God dang Seth, a bit strong are we? | ||
| Firemanjim |
Naw,if he was feeling strong he woulda tossed an FMX trans with the cast iron case----  | ||
| Cataract2 |
Naw,if he was feeling strong he woulda tossed an FMX trans with the cast iron case---- Bah, I bench those before breakfast.  | ||
| Kccyclone |
OK...True story....When I was 18, I was at a school party and 1 of my older sisters friends asked me if I was excited about the baby!!!I immediately told her I didn't know what she was talking about and it wasn't mine...She then told me I needed to talk to my sister.. Now being the protective little brother that I am..I gathered a few of my friends and went looking for my sisters boyfriend...We eventually found him..and beat him to a pulp right in the middle of the street (after pulling him from his car) I got home and called my sister, and began chewing her out....She then informed me that my MOM was pregnant, not her... I almost felt bad for her boyfriend, but I never liked him anyways... Larry | ||
| Cataract2 |
lol Kc. That was an oops moment I do believe. | ||
| Swampy |
The company line around here this time of year is: "The ground's too hard to be doing any digging" | ||
| Seth |
God dang Seth, a bit strong are we? Nah... they aren't that heavy Scared the "pee pee" out of that kid though! (Message edited by Seth on February 19, 2006) |
