| Author | Message | ||
     Mike_bolts |
Where to begin... My dad is on trip through Chile and Argentina on his BMW GS. Anyway the weather has been total shit and a lot of the roads are in poor condition. He had an accident yesterday and appears to have broken some bones, the trip of a lifetime is over. He'll be fine, he knows a lot of people down there and he will limp home to tell us all about it. As to the bike... well that's what insurance is for. Of course upon hearing this latest episode, my old lady is freaking out and wants me to sell the bike. I told her we would talk about it (as in next year...) but I have a feeling that this conversation is going to take place and I am going to be cornered. We all know that motorcycles are dangerous and I accept that risk by wearing my gear and not doing anything too stupid. My immediate reaction is that my dad's accident happened in a different environment and that where I ride here locally is totally different. I love motorcycling, it is good for my soul and gives me something to look forward to and talk about with people I meet. I am not giving this up without a fight! I have a feeling that our significant others are not satisfied with our having a hobby that takes us away from them, be it hunting and fishing, bowling and poker, etc. Have any of you had this conversation with your families? Any thoughts would be appreciated. THX | ||
| 99buellx1 |
Ask her if she likes you happy, or if she would rather see you mopeing around and being an a$$hole because you want to go for a ride. | ||
| Iamike |
I agree with Craig, I think mine realizes I'd be a real pain without my regular cycle fix. It's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. | ||
| Buellfighter |
Giving up my motorcycle is not a conversation I could imagine my wife and I having! When I met my wife 18 years ago I was heavily involved in motorcycles and we've been married for 13 years and still couldn't imagine life without a m/c. She now understands and even sends me riding when I'm "acting up". | ||
| Bomber |
My better half rides, and has been heard to say that she'd never ask me to give it up, as it is too much a part of who I am tough conversation, possibly one with no winners -- stay calm, stay rational, and be upfront lifestyle? I'm thinkin it's more important than that (no offce, Mike!) | ||
| Drift |
So what is the Dilemma?...... | ||
| Chiefiron |
I met the love of my life here in Iraq, we're both security contractors, shes home now making sure all the new goodies get on my firebolt and its ready for me when i get there for vacation. she isnt really into bikes per-se, but.....i told her that i planned on having my old Softail worked on this summer. while i didnt agree to "girl it up" i have said that if she takes a motorcycle rider course i would give it to her to ride until she decides whether she wants one of her own. right now she is leaning toward a Fatboy or Vrod. god i love this woman. Tim | ||
| Slaughter |
I think that it needs to be discussed so the issue is out in the open for both of you and I'll have to admit that it is kinda hard if you don't both ride since you really don't have a "logical" argument in your favor. You can tell her all you want about the relief, release, relaxation... spirituality... all that "fluff" about riding - but it's a tough sell if she's not into riding herself. Ask her if she is insisting that you give up something that you love just so SHE can relax. It's a marriage (or "relationship"), sometimes compromise is painful. You MUST tell her that you can be a defensive rider and that defensive riding cannot eliminate the risks - acknowledge the risks, how you reduce the risks - and don't pretend that you can eliminate risk. I don't know if this is any help in your getting an answer in your mind but after my high-side racing in February last year, Sunny told me she KNEW she couldn't ask me to quit racing - even after a week in ICU and 3 months in a wheelchair (just finished physical therapy). Before we got together , we were both doing what we were doing and being a little older than the average folks, came to agreements and understandings pretty quickly about such things - including medical treatments and interventions if one of us is unconscious. (we both ride, I race, we both scuba dive) Dang - you've got a tough talk ahead. Listen to her very real fears and don't downplay them. (wish I could say more - lunch break is ending; gotta run) (Message edited by slaughter on February 09, 2006) | ||
| Midknyte |
A question or two or three for you relating to the impetus of your situation: Is your father inclined to give up biking now or will he get his bike fixed/replaced? What is your mother's (hopefully I'm not referencing someone who is no long around) thoughts about your fathers accident? Is she inclined to ask him to give it up or does she "understand". You might be able to illicit some support or advice from them... | ||
| Ulywife |
My husband enjoys his motorcycles (M2 and Uly) and it is a good outlet for relieving stress for him, as well as just having fun. Our only argument is how much time he's out riding while I'm home with the children. That's another thread! We have met some really neat people that we consider friends and look forward to meeting even more with Daytona and March Badness coming up. Last fall my husband walked back in the house and said very calmly "I laid the bike down". I think I was calmer than anyone (even myself) expected because he walked in versus someone calling me and telling me that he'd laid it down. I would have questioned if they were being honest about the severity of the situation. Seeing takes away the wonder. My 10 year old daughter has already sat on a Blast! and can't wait to turn 16. Mom is having difficulty with that one. My husband rides motorcycles. Our daughter has been riding with him since she was 8. My step-dad flies hot-air balloons. I raise children. All carry risks. You weigh your options carefully with what is placed in front of you and hope that with all that you've been taught or learned along the way pays off and keeps you, or in my case, my children, safe. We as wifes worry because its in our nature. As I've told Carlos, I can take care of myself and raise these children on my own, but I don't want to. So don't do anything stupid! Give your wife time to sort through her emotions. Don't feed the fire with more fuel. Let her know you understand her concerns and then take the time to tell her why riding is important to you. Best of luck. | ||
| Henrik |
Tough conversation to have. I've had similar, not with Melissa, but with friends of mine. Over the last, say 5, years several friends have crashed and hurt themselves, some of them pretty badly. Another few friends have been killed street riding. Another few have had *very* close calls. So of course we had discussions of "should we just stop riding"? "Should we stop street riding and just do track days instead"? and so on. I think your first, and most important step is to decide how much you value riding. If riding is a must, you should evaluate your riding style and the related risks - and be honest! There was recently a very good article about the 80% rule being a myth. If riding *is* a must, think about what you have done and what else you can do to protect yourself *and* your loved ones: - top notch gear all the time - yes even "just around the corner" - evaluate and modify your riding style - training: MSF or other, track days, track schools, advanced street riding schools etc. - insurance: health, life and other. Make sure your loved ones are taken care of if you get killed. - living will, actual will, "in case I die wish list" Now, with all that in order, have an open, honest and realistic conversation with your wife. And realize that your riding, or not riding, can and will affect not just you, but both of you. Hopefully you can reach an agreement or a compromise you both can live with. A relationship is a balancing act. All that said; if you give up too much of yourself to please others, you may one day find you're not the person you thought you were, or would like to be. Good luck. Henrik | ||
| Bomber |
Ah -- Offspring learning to ride on the street -- THAT could be an interesting thread, indeed, Ms Ulywife my then 20 year-old daughter took Rider's Edge last summer -- passed with colors flying, but I gotta admit (as a rider of mumble mumble decades), I was FAR from comfortable with watching her behind me or on point ahead -- the grin that emerged from the helmet (fullface, arai, thankhyouverymuch) made it easier the second time, though . . . . . ya'll be careful out their - -if not for yourselves, for those that love you | ||
| Josh_ |
I was riding a motorcycle in Ecuador in January. How'd he like it before the crash? My wife rides, tho not much, but she's been a passenger since the first ride on my Sportster back in 96. When I go out alone she always expresses concern but she's expressed confidence in the gear I use and hasn't said anything negative even after my two times down. Top notch armored gear and the proof it works (Aerostich has a couple articles/pictures, or try motorcyle.com for reviews) seems to go a long way towards relieving concern. I always wear a good helmet, race gloves and boots no matter what, even if I've got jeans and a mesh jacket on. We have had some rather interesting conversations regarding motorcycles, the latest being I want to get a track bike and she's concerned about more track time = more chance of accidents. We also had a conversation about life insurance after we got married and I now carry a policy that would pay off the mortgage, student loans plus a couple year's salary. The serious conversations revolve around whether I "need" 4 bikes (3 plus hers)... Get her on here, we'll talk sense into her  | ||
| Newfie_buell |
OK, I have been on bikes all my life and my wife would never expect me to give them up. Its to the point where we now have a total of 8 bikes in the family, my kids all have been riding dirt bikes since the age of 3 and ride now. They are 7, 8, 10 and 14, I actually had my daughter riding a Blast at 11 years old on a closed training compound. You can die from slipping on ice and bumping your head but is she going to make you wear a helmet all the time. | ||
| Mike_bolts |
Many of you have expressed how I feel. I've taken Riders Edge and will take the advanced class soon and always wear my gear, even on 100 degree days. I have two kids at home, I don't want them to grow up without a father so I ride conservatively. Before motorcycles it was 400 hp Mustangs, so the risks have always been there... Midknyte, my mom is still around and as fiesty as ever. She rode with pops for ten years on the back of Harleys and only stopped when her back was bothering her. I think she is really going to pressure him to give it up altogether, he's 66 years old and as he flies back home this weekend he will have a lot to think about. Ulywife, I really appreciate your insight. Very helpful. Thanks everyone! | ||
| Josh_ |
Here's a riding school in Texas. Should be a step above the advanced course. My mom rides around on my old '96 Sportster when she's not on the back of one of dad's bikes. | ||
| CJXB |
I'd add my 2 cents worth, but I couldn't express better than ulywife did, great post !! CJ  | ||
| Hans |
If you are preparing yourself so well for motorcycling as for this conversation: You are far from being accident prone. You are then on the good side of the statistics. Do as you like and what you seems wise, but never let fear be your guide at any decision. Hans | ||
| Xlcr |
Whoa! I've been following the blog of a local guy from here in Eastern Montana that's been riding down there on a BMW GS. I'm wondering now if it's the same person. I don't have my notes, but I think the blog addy is olddog.com | ||
| Mike_bolts |
Xlcr we are Texans! My dad was part of a group that started out in Punta Arenas, Chile and where working their way up to Buenos Aires. Just spoke to him on the cell phone, he's in good spirits and will return (without the bike, it's totaled) on Sunday. | ||
| Roadsurfr |
Lots of really good posts here. My wife of almost two years knows that bikes are my life. I had three in my livingroom when we got married. She was looking for a guy with a bike when we met again. We knew each other from 25 years ago. She understands that if I had to choose there could be only one. (Choice that is.) Butch | ||
| Iamike |
Bomber, How about bikes being my passion? That works too. My wife has a passion for writing. She uses a ton of time on it and doesn't make much money at it but still does it at every chance she gets. I'd never ask her to give it up just like I expect her not to ask me to give up mine. Taking risk is part of life. | ||
| Grndskpr |
My dad is on trip through Chile and Argentina on his BMW GS. Tell your Dad to consider himself lucky, Chile has one of the best medical programs in south america, and some of the best hospitals As far as the bike is concerned, if i gave it up after a wreck, well i would have given it up several times allready Dress for the fall, drive as best as you can Keep alert and have fun, you could die at home And as some people will say, everybody dies, but not everybody lives R | ||
| Bomber |
Iamike -- just playing with the words, sir -- no poke in the eye intended -- while picking up supplies at some local HD dealers, I get a chuckle outa the folks that mutter about my "jap crap," or counsel me to get a real motorcycle -- they often go back to discussing their "lifestyle . . . . . " (I'll not comment on theirs, but something tells me motorcycling is a more important part of your life than theirs . . . . . . ) | ||
| Kevyn |
Mike b, ...it's gonna be a tough day, but like a co-worker once said "sometimes it's best to just eat the biggest frog first, after that the rest will go down easy..." I consider myself very luck indeed. My wife encourages me to ride. She can see that it makes me happy and it keeps me in touch with folks we both know and have fun with. Her dearest and best girlfriend is an avid rider. Occasionally, she likes to ride with me for short distances; not too far or too long. She has expressed a desire to get her own motorcycle---and when that comes more to light, I'm putting her in touch with Josh's wife for sure!! My wife is a nurse and well aware of the consequences crashing can inflict. Heaven knows she's 'nursed' me back to health after my mishaps. Always, she has encouraged me to fix what's broken and get back out there and ride---because it keeps me focused and enthusiastic about life in general. I would hope and pray that your wife will have a chance to reflect on the joy and happiness motorcycling has brought to your father. He was riding in Chile, writing another chapter in his life and relishing every moment and every breath along the road. He was doing something that every rider would envy. He was pursuing his dream. So should you. Whether or not you choose to abandon motorcycling to preserve your marital relationship is a difficult choice; but ultimately it's ..."the biggest frog"...on the plate that day. I really think Josh is on to something when he 'gears up' for a ride...that goes a huge distance to acknowledging the inherent dangers motorcycling in this era entails. Having and USING the proper safety equipment and taking care of the mostly unsaid and difficult financial arrangement for the --God forbid--bad moments lets his wife know that he loves for her and is not taking unnecessary risks but is instead 'managing' the risks we all take every time we set out on two wheels. Obviously, your wife loves you dearly and is concerned for your safety and security; she also loves your family and needs you. Perhaps you could acknowledge her concerns, let her air her objections to your riding. Listen carefully to what she says and take the time to have a heartfelt conversation about what riding means to you and what it brings to your life and consequently to your happiness...."after that, the rest will go down easy!" |
